BANANASPLITS Member Profile in The AnswerBank

English?

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

My Mil...

My MIL never stops moaning "£2 for a cup of tea...£1 for a biscuit" I said "look I never asked you to visit us you just turned up"...

Theland

Told my Doctor can't stop breaking wind. Undressed for examination, breaking wind every few seconds. Doctor reached for a big pole with a hook on the end. I screamed, " What you doing with that?" He...

retrocop

Gordon Banks Has Died Aged 81Yrs

https://uk.sports.yahoo.com/news/gordon-banks-englands-world-cup-winning-goalkeeper-dies-aged-81-100020305.html I know B all about football but I can always remember this Gentleman from 1966....

marval

My Partner

I thought I won the argument with my partner as to how to arrange the dining room furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned. I was really embarrassed when my partner caught me playing with...

Nameless14

If You Were To Forget To Use Deodorant At This Time Of Year,(Which Of Course Wouldn’T Happen, But If It Did), Would It Cause A Serious Breach Of The Peace?

On a scale of one to public health catastrophe, how much should the public worry about this scenario?

BANANASPLITS

Went To The Doctors.....

Had to go to the Doctors yesterday and having stripped off he immediately mentioned the fact that my genitalia was perfectly shaped like a saxophone... I explained that it was a family trait and that...

237SJ

Buenchico

Where is he? I haven't seen him posting for ages

DTCwordfan

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue......

Valentine's Day is but around the corner - to help you AB romantics, it's time to share some verses based on 'Roses are red, Violets are blue' - let's hear your contributions, serious or...

AB Editor

The Editor Is Back

Hi all, As you may know I disappeared on medical leave in September. I have now returned and am phasing myself back into my position as your faithful AB Editor. I hope everyone is well and you have...

weecalf

Just Thinking

So after all this time Pm May wants J.C.to help her would now be time for May to go and J C to help out our country after of course we stay in the EEC .?

naomi24

Who Was Jesus?

In response to Nailit’s observation that “It’s gone a bit quiet on here”, in an effort to generate a little discussion that might be of interest to all, ASSUMING THE MAN JESUS EXISTED, who do...

Patsy33

Darn Good Stuff That Curry!

Whenever I feel a bit unwell and manage to eat a curry, I always seem to feel lots better after. What is it I wonder? Maybe the spices have healing powers. :-)

marval

A Magician

A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet and instructs the man to hit him as hard as possible on the head. The magician then proceeds to put his head down on a wooden block. The man...

retrocop

Communication

A judge was interviewing a Tennessee woman regarding her pending divorce and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with...

Chipchopper

How Daft Can You Get ?

A novice gardener was rushed to hospital yesterday, after accidentally eating a poisonous daffodil bulb which she had thought was an onion. The lady who has not been named, is making a slow recovery...

Gherkins

Queue For The Mens

I have been in a queue for the mens toilets for over 10 minutes. What a disgrace....

1rovert

Calls From Bt

I keep getting phone calls from BT, saying my internet connection is going to be disconnected. Has anyone else had them ? and are they a scam ?...

Bazile

Magnificent Seven

I didn't know that the above was re made , starring Denzel Washington . Watched bits of it the other night , in between falling asleep and waking up ,on the settee ( as usual ) Anyway from the bits I...

bainbrig

Stand Up, Feel Bad

First thought, some sort of hypo-tension, but BP is 125ish/65-ish, so seems not. I stand up, walk a few steps, wish I hadn’t, sit down, recover. Then it improves. Anything obvious to look at, think...

Questions

Answers

Best Answers