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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Patsy33
I accidentally booked myself on an escapology course and now I'm struggling to get out of it.
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Bobbisox1
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me,...
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Rondy
The insurance company told me if I go on a camping holiday and my tent gets nicked then I won't have any cover! ____________________ It’s crazy how fast milk floats are driven these days... One blink...
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Rondy
I've had enough of this lockdown now. If Michael Barrymore invited me to a pool party, I'd probably go. ________________________________ Last night on television, I heard a famous psychologist and...
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retrocop
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I...
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retrocop
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the...
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retrocop
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family. An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a...
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Rondy
My mate has invited me to a nudist party next week... It seems strange but to be honest, I might go if I have nothing on! __________________________________________ My optician has just told me that...
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LadyCG
John Travolta has been hospitalised in the US with suspected Covid-19 but Doctors now confirm that it is only Saturday Night Fever and assure people that he will be Stayin' Alive. Apparently he has...
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-SharonA-
Paddy is buying his tea in the chippy.......... "Would you like anything on your chips?" "Does it cost extra?" "Ten pence." "Alright, I'll have four sausages and a steak pie."...
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Rondy
Last Christmas I bought the mother-in-law a parrot... Two weeks later she brought it round saying "It's ***, it doesn't saying anything!" The parrot pipes up, "She hasn't given me a bloody chance...
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Bobbisox1
A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about an exciting new procedure called "The Knob" which would involve attaching a small knob to the back of her...
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Canary42
After emerging from lockdown and shielding, I decided to pop along my local Origami club this evening. Sadly, it's folded.
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Rondy
The wife passed her driving test yesterday. I told he I would buy her something cheap to run around in if she passed. Well she did pass, so I bought her a pair of trainers from Aldi....
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Rondy
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "8 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly...
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Rondy
"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed." My dog's full of useful information like that!...
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Rondy
The thing I love the most about the hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops... But I'm told they do make me look a bit camp! ___________________________________ Bad scene on the beach today....
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Rondy
Just been to Boots and asked the assistant if they sold Benylin. She replied, ''For cough?'' I said, "Steady on love I only bloody asked!"...
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Canary42
https://ibb.co/C58jwZ8...
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Fanriffic
Due to the latest Covid-19 restrictions - my local pub has banned 'Sweet Caroline' by Neil Diamond from the Karaoke Jukebox. So there will be no: Touching Hands, Reaching Out, Touching Me, Touching...

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