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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Rondy
It was opening night at the Theatre and the Amazing Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff. As the Amazing Eileen took to the stage, she...
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Rondy
Two Irish hunters get a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bag six. As Paddy and Mick start loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot says, "The plane can only take four of those."...
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Rondy
The real PMS syndrome: 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4. Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May...
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Hopkirk
I have decided to quit my job as a personal trainer, because the weights are too heavy. I'm going to hand in my too weak notice....
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Smowball
What’s the difference between hedgehogs & Range rovers? With hedgehogs the pr*cks are on the outside! :)...
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Rondy
Mum and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mum said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."...
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Shaglene
Tell people that there is an invisible man in the sky who created the universe and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them that the paint is wet and they have to touch it to be sure........
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Rondy
One day God called down to Noah and said, "Noah me old china, I wants you to make me a new Ark." Noah replied, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want. After all, you're the boss.". But...
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Rondy
The price of petrol is so expensive I have started to use vodka in the lawnmower. Not the grass is half cut! ___________ My wife wants me to blow air on her whenever she overheats, but honestly... ......
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Hopkirk
I worked as a tailor for a few months. I wasn't really suited to it, and the work was so so....
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Shaglene
A man and a woman have a chance meeting in a park and decide to meet up that very night for a meal. After the meal they go for a drive in his car to a romantic cliff top. Not a cloud in the night sky...
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William51
Doctor, Doctor. There is a patient on line 1 who says he is invisible. Tell him i cannot see him right now. - Doctor, Doctor. I get heartburn when i eat cake. Then next time take the candle out....
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Rondy
Nine months to the day following their wedding, the Coopers had a baby. Unfortunately, it was born without arms or legs -- without even a torso. It was just a head. Still, the Coopers loved and cared...
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Rondy
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males...
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Rondy
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work. 1. Picture yourself...
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Smowball
A man comes home from working at a pickle factory and he seems troubled. His wife asks him what's wrong and the man says, "Oh, nothing. I just... well... recently I've had an uncontrollable urge to...
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Hopkirk
I hired a handyman and gave him a list of jobs to do. When I checked later he had done numbers 1, 3, 5 and 7. It turns out he only does odd jobs....
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Canary42
No wonder Ollie and his Dad didn't know - no one person destroyed it. According to Wiki, Hadrian's Wall fell into ruin and over the centuries the stone was reused in other local buildings....
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Rondy
Ollie was sitting in class one day when the teacher asked the class: "Who destroyed Hadrian's Wall?" Ollie instantly replied :"It wasn't me miss!" Teacher said: "Stay behind after class you cheeky...
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Rondy
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a...

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