Crosswords2 mins ago
I went to My doctor and he looked at my belly this morning and said you should diet. I said what colour ?...
My niece has just learned how to play the mouth organ. Well done our Monica...
A man at the petrol station accidentally caught his arm on fire whilst filling up and smoking at the same time. He was running around screaming waving his arm. Luckily the police was nearby and was...
I do enjoy playing “telekinetic snooker”. However, you’ve got to be in the right frame of mind for it....
My friend always went the extra mile at work. That’s why he lost his job as a taxi driver....
Meant to be an answer to an earlier joke but I put it in the wrong box.
Thanks for reading anyway....
...are totally innocent. There they were, aged relatives gazing into my 15 month old daughters cot. "Oooh look, gushed Mavis, "She has her grandmothers eyes". "Yes" replied Agnes, Uncle Cedrics nose...
What's a policeman look like ?
It has been confirmed that Dianne Abbott is to be the face on the new £43.13 note....
Friend went for a job at a sun cream factory but didn’t get it. He’s going to reapply....
Three dogs, a bulldog, a dachshund and a great dane, meet at the veterinarian. The dachshund turns to the bulldog and asks "So, what are you in for?" The bulldog replies "I was playing with a kid, and...
Mark Knopfler comes home carrying a large picture frame & chips Wife: What you been up to? MK: I was at the Auction & got a French Impressionist painting & I got you a chippy Wife: How much have spent...
I tried an old Viagra pill that I found at the back of my bathroom cupboard last night and it didn't work...
I think it must have been past its swell by date!...
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up...
A Chinese bloke walks into the pub, stands next to me and starts drinking. I said to him, "Do you know any of these martial arts like kung-fu, jujitsu are karate?" He says, "Why u ask me dat? Is it...
Tried driving a lorry in Cairo once, it was chaos. Noise everywhere. Full of tooting car men.
Had to give up my job at the dress alteration company. Apparently I didn’t turn up enough....
A man tells his Rabbi, "I have a strong desire to live until eternity. What should I do?" "Get married" said the Rabbi. "It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?" He said. The Rabbi...
IDIOT SIGHTING. My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I...
One night (a long time ago in a jurisdiction far, far, away - rumour being St Austell aka Awful) a brother was heading home after indulging a bit too much at the festive board after his lodge meeting....
