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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Voltage
If you're here for the yodelling class, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.
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Patsy33
Things are really getting bad in the nhs. I was at the hospital yesterday, when I seen a man lying on a trolley in the corridor. Then a Doctor came along and said, "Dont worry Mr Johnson, we'll have...
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Chipchopper
I got up this morning and it was so hot, I decided to wear shorts for the first time this year. A bit later on, I called round to my next door neighbor, to see if he was coping alright, in the heat....
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Voltage
My new business 'Cooking With Herbs' is in trouble. The bank has called in the Bayleafs....
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Voltage
I've got a joke about construction.I tell you later I'm still working on it....
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marval
I am writing a book on Indian curries. Its naan-fiction. I stand accused of unleashing a sleep-inducing gas in a courtroom. The jury’s still out. On Friday nights, instead of going to clubs, my...
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Voltage
My wife spent an hour and a half getting ready to go out last night. Finally the bathroom door opened and she said, "Do l look fat in this?" I said, "Yes, but to be fair it is a small bathroom."...
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Bazile
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance - so I pushed her over....
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Voltage
I got pulled over by a policeman last night on my drive home. He said 'This is a spot check' I said I've got 2 blackheads on my nose and a boil on my bum!!...
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Voltage
"I've just built a model of Mount Everest" "Is it to scale?" the wife asked "No, just to look at".... jeez!!...
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marval
I found a leaflet on contraception. It was stapled to the middle of my newspaper today. It was a pull-out special....
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Patsy33
I'm going to a recycling party at the weekend. The invite said to bring a bottle..
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Baldric
I finally got one of those roof boxes for the car. It's very practical. I can barely hear my kids now....
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Chipchopper
I once worked as a waiter in a trendy cafe and served Salvador Dali with breakfast. When I went to clear the table, after he had finished, I Asked him if he had enjoyed his breakfast, to which he...
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marval
I was practicing my potting technique in the local snooker club yesterday. The manager approached me and said. “Get out and take that soil with you.”...
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Shaglene
A stutter therapist was trying to sort out John, Jock and Paddy. She tried everything to stop their stuttering without success. She thought, “There is only one think left to try.” She says them,...
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Voltage
After i lost the house, I slipped into deep depression and ended up trying to take my life. As I lay in my hospital bed, my wife said: 'I'm never taking you to Bingo again !!!'...
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DTCwordfan
Following on from Volty's stutter... A man visits the doctor because of his severe stuttering problem. The doctor says, "It appears that your penis is four inches too long and is pulling on your vocal...
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Voltage
I cannot believe I've been banned from Lidl. The checkout girl said 'strip down facing me'. How was I supposed to know she was on about my credit card ???...
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Voltage
A man with a stutter died in prison today. He couldn't even finish that sentence !!!...

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