Bird To Peck A Commander To Bits
Quizzes & Puzzles0 min ago
I was shaking a bottle of tomato ketchup tonight when the top flew off and a large dollop hit me in the eye. I really should have checked the top - but of course it's easy to say that with heinzsight....
Don't marry a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
Q- Why don't women have dirty minds?
A- Because they are always changing them....
Tom had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in the Scottish highlands as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman...
A man asks the chemist: "Do you have anything to get rid of rats?"
"No," says the chemist. "Have you tried Boots?"
"No, I want to poison them, not kick them to death."...
Wife: "Did you notice how sweet our neighbour is to his wife? He kisses her all the time. Why don't you do that?"
Husband: "I would love to. But I hardly I know the woman."...
I had to quit my job at the door factory, due to shoddy workmanship.
I just couldn't get a handle on it....
A woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal...
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man...
A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were. ”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager. “Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.” On hearing this, politician...
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor...
B&Q JOB APPLICATION This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells. They hired him because he was so funny.... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Barstard...
This good looking man walks into an agent's office in Hollywood and says "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked,...
To the dirty rotten scoundrel who stole my brand new, bright fluorescent orange trainers.
You can run but you can't hide...
Little Kathy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there,...
Norma and Sonia were talking about their grandchildren after the holidays. Norma said, "My daughter-in-law stopped making my grandchildren send their 'thank you' notes. Each year I sent the...
I remember last year listening to two blondes on the train. First blonde: "I see Christmas day is on a Friday this year."
Second blonde: "Bloody hell, I hope it's not on the thirteenth then."...
I was browsing in a large high street department store, looking for suitable gifts. A salesman soon spotted me and came to my assistance. "Can I help you, sir"? He asked. "Yes, I'd like to see what...
A man driving his car, was being chased by police, but wouldn't stop for ages. Eventually, police pulled him over and asked why he didn't stop earlier. Man said, "My wife ran off with a police...
On a dark and rainy night a driver pulled over to give a hitchhiker a lift. After a mile or two the hitchhiker thanked him for the lift and said jokingly "how do you know I'm not an axe murdering...
