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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Rondy
"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed about 55 at least." "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."...
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Rondy
Two goats wandered into the scrapyard and had a field day. One of them spent a particularly long time bent over a spool of film. When he was finished, the other goat came over. “So, did you enjoy the...
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Rondy
A woman walks in a store to return a pair of spectacles that she had purchased for her husband a week before. "What seems to be the problem, madam?" "I'm returning these glasses I bought for my...
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Rondy
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. 'This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'. So I did and I can...
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Rondy
It's my daughters prom night this week. I've Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver... Can’t believe I’ve spent all that money and have nothing to...
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Hopkirk
"Do you know they're now producing eating dogs for anorexics?" (to a blind woman outside Exeter Cathedral, 2002)....
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Rondy
With his wife out for the evening, a father was trying to watch TV, but his young son kept coming in and asking for a glass of water. After the seventh glass, the father lost his temper and yelled:...
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Chipchopper
After months of lockdown, I noticed the local fishmonger had opened once again, and it was business as usual. The fishmonger saw me eyeing up the wet fish in his window display, and waved a cheery...
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Rondy
Teacher: "When I was of your age, I learned very quickly and was not as slow as you are." Student: "Wow, you must have had a better teacher than me then."...
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Rondy
Last night, as I walked home, I saw an ice cream cone, an apple pie and a lemon cheesecake. I thought to myself, the streets are strangely desserted tonight....
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Bobbisox1
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.. I do not...
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Rondy
The General Manager of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden. Thoughts are that he might have his cabinet together by the end of the week....
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Hopkirk
Now I'm getting older, I find I only need three shops. Specsavers, Boots and Greggs. All I need is specs and drugs and sausage rolls....
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Patsy33
Sad News. I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good News. I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone....
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Rondy
Judge: "Silence in court! The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of court." Accused man: "Hahahaha." Judge: "I wasn't talking to you!"...
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Chipchopper
A friend and I went to a party, dressed as elves bet they wouldn't let us in. "Why have we been refused admission" I demanded!. The bouncer said "for a start, you don't look a bit like Elvis"...
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Chipchopper
My wife left me while I was painting the ceiling, I was overcome with emulsion....
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Rondy
McQuillan walked into a Dublin bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the...
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Canary42
For my wife's birthday this year I got her some new beads for her abacus. It's the little things that count....
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Rondy
A frustrated father told his work colleague: "When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son's room he has a colour TV, computer, game console, mobile...

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