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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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marval
I was absolutely furious when I got clamped after work today. I have told my partner a hundred times. Bondage night is only on a Tuesday....
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Voltage
So Julie the Sultana has been cheating on her husband with Steve the Raisin. Just tho you I'd keep you up to date with currant affairs....
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Voltage
The nearest Scotland will get to another World Cup is if Iran played Brunei and the scoreboard said IRN - BRU!! :-) :-)...
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Voltage
My wife warned me not to keep stealing kitchen utensils. But it’s a whisk I’m willing to take....
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marval
I have a foot fetish. Anything measuring exactly 12 inches really turns me on. I have not been having much luck with the men lately. This week I have already had two pick me out of the lineup. My...
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Voltage
I just left the train station and a busker just ran up to me and said he was going to beat me with the neck of his guitar! I said, is that a fret?...
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Voltage
The police knocked on my door this evening. "Where were you around 8:05 last night sir?" asked the officer. "Funny you should ask," I replied. "I took the wife upstairs at 8 pm to make love." "That's...
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sunny-dave
http://southendnewsnetwork.net/news/tommy-robinson-released-from-prison-after-huge-campaign/...
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marval
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defence’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be...
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exarmy448
A VD germ was walking along the railway track when he saw an express train thundering towards him. Blimey, he thought, I'm a gonna ere...
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albaqwerty
a woman far, far away in the distance? Dot. What do you call a gorilla with a raspberry in one ear and custard in the other? A trifle deaf....
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Voltage
My wife says she’s leaving me as she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy. Jeez What planet is she on?...
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Voltage
I saw two male lions having sex in the local zoo... I thought jeeeze have they got no pride....
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marval
After a weekend vacation, a sergeant got to the military base only to find out that none of his soldiers made it on time. It took three hours before they started showing up. By then he was about to...
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marval
My brother has just been admitted to hospital after eating an entire CCTV camera. He’s being closely monitored. Police are looking for the owner of stolen prosthetic leg. They are asking anyone with...
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Voltage
Just bought Cluedo "Swingers Edition"... Turns out they all did it... In every room!...
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marval
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. "I will be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any...
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Chipchopper
A man who had been surfing suffered severe stings his face and body, after an encounter with a thornback. He said from his hospital bed "thanks to my Ray-bans, I still have my sight"!...
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spathiphyllum
I went for a pretty messy night out in France... After a very long night, and half of a early morning i finally got back to the hostel... There was a long flight of stairs to my room. Everyone was...

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