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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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1ozzy
... while motoring and also be used during sex? "See, I told you there was plenty of room, no need to panic" ....
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JF85
Three whales were crossing the Pacific when they saw a Japanese 'scientific research' vessel. Two dived to safety but the third was caught, filleted and used for experiments in sushi-making. Exactly a...
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marval
Every time I use my phone my ear gets wet. I think it’s been tapped. I was meant to catch up with an old Kenyan friend today. But even at sixty, he was still too fast. I shouted abuse at some cows...
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BANANASPLITS
A vicar gets on a train. In his carriage is a group of five fine looking young ladies. To break the ice, the vicar offers round his bag of Werther's Original and then asks, "So, what do you young...
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BANANASPLITS
I'm giving away a free gate. Honestly i am there's no catch!...
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Khandro
I went home by underground. Fell down a manhole and caught the last drain....
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DTCwordfan
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man...
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Ken4155
Can't believe it's fully 13 weeks until Pancake Day and the shops are already selling flour and eggs.
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BANANASPLITS
Our dogs been missing for 6 hours jumped over gate and gone. Ive looked up and down about 20 local streets and cant find him. I've just rang the wife who shouted at me "try looking harder"! So I've...
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Patsy33
The thing I don’t like about shopping centers… When you see one, you’ve seen a mall....
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BANANASPLITS
People who use selfie sticks need to take a long good look at themselves !
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marval
Last night my friend complained he was addicted to weight training. I told him to stay strong. I was trying to figure out what number multiplied by itself equalled 64, but I couldn’t get to the root...
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Patsy33
If there is something I've learned, from my 24 years of life, it's ok to lie about my age..
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Patsy33
Whenever there is an earthquake the geologists are always quick to find fault.
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BANANASPLITS
What do you call a nun who sleepwalks? A roamin' Catholic!...
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albaqwerty
A study has shown that dairy cows will produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. A case of in one ear and out the udder....
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albaqwerty
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's...
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Patsy33
I just down loaded a pirate copy of Bohemian Rhapsody movie. Its a crap picture. I can see a little silhouette of man....
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Trevilino
Some good news for insomniacs..... It's only four sleeps till Christmas!
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marval
I have just opened an off licence. Technically, it is breaking and entering but I needed a drink. A pretty woman at the job centre said she’d like to offer me a tug job. So I dropped my pants there...

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