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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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marval
Young Gordon was with his parents and they were taking refreshments in the bar at Reading station when they heard a whistle. The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the platform only to discover...
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Patsy33
My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.
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Voltage
The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he began. "Good...
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exarmy448
A keen darts player is in hospital lying in his death bed and he asks the doctor ' Do they play darts in heaven?' The doctor says he doesn't know but he will try to find out. A little while later he...
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Voltage
The Six Most Important Men in a Woman's Life 1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes." 2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." 3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it...
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Shaglene
An avid golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the...
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Voltage
A woman walked into the ladies' and saw a man standing up using the toilet. Shocked, she exclaimed, "Excuse me, but this is for women !" "So's this!" he replied....
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marval
An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales."...
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Voltage
i had a job interview today it didn't go very well 1st question..... Employer "In this job we need someone who is responsible." me "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went...
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Voltage
Found out recently that my husband had an affair with a midget. I can’t believe he would stoop so low....
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Patsy33
One of the musicians has been accused of being on the fiddle. The guitarist has been making frets. The drummer keeps banging on about timing. I wish there was harmony in this orchestra!
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Islay
STORM UPDATE: Schools and workplaces across Northern Ireland are closed for the day and people have been advised to remain at home and do nothing. Or as MLAs call it.
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Voltage
So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."...
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Voltage
paddy went down the local supermarket, and said to the manager "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions sir"....
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Voltage
Booked a cheap opera singer for my Mate’s wedding. He was only a tenor....
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Shaglene
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him,"Grandpa, what is a couple sex?" The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided...
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Shaglene
What is long and thin, covered in skin, red in parts and you stuff in tarts? Rhubarb...
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Voltage
What gets longer when it's pulled.. Fits between breasts.. Inserts neatly into a hole.. And works best when jerked? A seat belt....
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Shaglene
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else... One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, 'I'll give you a £100 if you let me have...
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Shaglene
All the members of the company's Board of Directors were called into the Chairman's office, one after another, until only Tom, the junior member, was left sitting outside. Finally it was his turn to...

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