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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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exarmy448
At my local Tesco store there is a big X by the check out for me stand on. I've seen too many Road Runner cartoons to fall for that one. If I only known in March it would be my last time in a...
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Canary42
I went along to a Psychic for a reading yesterday. When I knocked on their door, they called out, "Who is it?", so I left....
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Canary42
I found this on Facebook. (Warning, some might find the image offensive) https://ibb.co/ZmsfSLJ...
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198kHz
Most useless thing I bought last year - a 2020 year planner.
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marval
I have written a book about wind systems of the world. It is saved in my drafts. I am looking for a book on how to fix automatic gearboxes, but the library only has manuals. There was a third off all...
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tiggerblue10
Saw this on Twitter earlier and thought it was quite amusing. [Job Interview] “How do you perform under pressure?” “I usually do the scat bit and my mate Steve does Bowie’s part”...
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Chipchopper
I felt rather uncomfortable when I was sitting in my garden eating my lunch, earlier today when I felt I was being watched by my neighbors hen, which was sitting on the fence post, watching my every...
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marval
I love “The Importance of being Earnest.” I am absolutely Wilde about it....
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ichkeria
I enjoyed this and wasn’t sure where to post it ... https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p08mlvf8...
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marval
When my partner goes out shopping he likes to sample things before purchasing. He is buy-curious. I went shopping for shoes and I found the perfect pair. They are my sole mates Never do bedroom...
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Chipchopper
As I walked through the woods I came upon an oak that was laughing and shaking its branches. I thought this was very strange so I asked it if it was okay. "Never felt better" it said "I've just been...
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Canary42
I saw my doctor recently and told him every time I break wind it sounds like a motorbike. He examined me and said I have a small growth in my rectum. When I asked if I should be concerned he said "No,...
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Chipchopper
My wife accused me of always making double entendre's so I gave her one.
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198kHz
It's my wife's birthday soon, and I keep finding gift catalogues left open all over the house. Well, I can take hint - I've just ordered a lovely magazine rack.
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albaqwerty
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this...
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Chipchopper
q,What do you call a snake who works for the government ?. A, A civil serpent...
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marval
A warning for you. They said you only have to wear masks and gloves to go grocery shopping but they lied. Apparently you have to wear clothes too...
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johnny.5
Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it. If you can then you are halfway there. Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are...
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Canary42
I used to be in a band called Missing Cat I expect you've seen our posters....
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Chipchopper
I was looking forward to a relaxing break exploring Britain's canals on a canal boat. I met with the agent, at the canal after seeing an add in the local paper at 9:30 am . So I said to the guy "so...

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