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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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AB Editor
Hi jokers, Please keep the jokes section clean. This is a family-friendly site and we'd like to keep it that way! Jokes that the editorial team or moderators don't consider to be family friendly will...
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Baldric
There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas....
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Voltage
A funeral was held today for the inventor of air conditioning. Thousands of fans attended....
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Bazile
An angry wife to her husband on the phone: "Where the hell are you?" Husband: "Darling, you remember that Jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it ; but I...
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Voltage
Did you hear about the dyslexic gynaecologist? He wants to look at your vinegar. Did you hear about the blind gynaecologist? He could lip-read....
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Shaglene
A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, "Big Lobster Tales, £5 each." Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, "Five pounds each for lobster tails. Is that...
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Shaglene
A lady was searching the shelves in her local Pharmacy. The Pharmacist approached her & said, "Can I help you madam?" She replied "I'm looking for a good hair restorer." He said "This one is the best...
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Voltage
I've just been to lunch in a disgusting pub called "The Fiddle" It really was a vile inn....
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Patsy33
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.
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Voltage
My girlfriend is really tiny she has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size. So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm...
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Chipchopper
I know a farmer who makes tomato puree in an old tin bath tub. He said "I like to fully amerce myself, from my head tomato's"...
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Voltage
Police are on the lookout for a cross-eyed burglar! They’ve said “If you see him peering through your window, please warn the people next-door.”...
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Patsy33
I stepped on snail once as a child. It was my very first crush.
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Bazile
A mushroom walks into a bar during happy hour , sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says,"Why not? I'm a fun guy!"...
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Voltage
I know a bloke who is mute, he communicates through embroidery. Sew to speak....
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Patsy33
What did the thesaurus have for breakfast? A synonym roll......
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Voltage
The wife and I went to a bank robbers-themed fancy dress party last night. Well I did!, she stayed in the car and kept the engine running....
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Patsy33
Got caught sniffing Tippex the other day. I've been admitted to a correction centre....
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Voltage
If you’re 10% Polish, does that make you a tad pole?...
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Voltage
Men at 26 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 plays golf. Have you noticed every time you get older your balls gets smaller?...
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Voltage
Paddy climbs the diving board for his final dive with a fish in his hand . The official says: “What are you doing with that fish Paddy?” Paddy: “A Triple somersault with pike.”...

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