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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Canary42
Nigel Farage says that voters have a clear choice this week - chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla. [Courtesy HIGNFY]...
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marval
My friend joined a bondage website. At first he was sent to Mansfield, then Newark and finally Worksop. I think he is being tied up in Notts....
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maggiebee
Electile Dysfunction: The inability to be aroused by any of the parties standing for election....
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Patsy33
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone. The husband is surprised, “Wow, that was quick - usually you women are at it for two hours at least!” “Yeah, well, it was a wrong number"...
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marval
My partner likes nothing more than to curl up with a good book. So I have bought him a copy of Advanced Contortionism. I have just bought a new Wigwam, my partner says it looks just like one of our...
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maggiebee
Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland.
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maggiebee
Not all maths puns are bad, just sum of them
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Gizmonster
I was chatting a young lady up last night ..... Things were going great, until I asked her where she was from ...... She said, "Oldham". ..... So I did ....... and that's when she slapped me ..........
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Patsy33
When I was in the police force, a drunk came up to me and threatened to peee on my wrist. I Told him, "Not on my watch!"...
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marval
A gentleman is permitted to join a private club. The initiation consists of holding an unprepared on-the-spot lecture, on a theme starting on a letter which is allotted to him. The man gets an S, and...
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marval
I have written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It is very saucy. My son invited his posh friend to his birthday party. I asked him, “What’s your favourite game, Tarquin?” He said,...
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maggiebee
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear...
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spathiphyllum
22 Senators voted against including an exception for rape or incest in Alabama’s new draconian abortion law. not one vagina yet 22 massive fanny’s...
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spathiphyllum
So I get home this morning and my dog is laying on my porch covered in dirt and mud and has a rabbit in his mouth. He's not bloody, just dirty. Now, my neighbours raised these rabbits and have blue...
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maggiebee
The 3 symptoms of laziness # 1...
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Patsy33
Went for a job interview. The boss asked, "How good are you at performing under pressure?" I replied, "Not sure, but I'll have a stab at Bohemian Rhapsody"...
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marval
An old man goes to the doctors complaining he hears music every time he puts his hat on The doctor takes the hat into a back room and comes back out after a few minutes. The man puts his hat back on...
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marval
I need to find a new source of electricity. I am not happy with my current supplier. I constantly make dreadful clothes for monks. It is a bad habit. I spent six hours yesterday with my partner going...
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maggiebee
Q. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? A. I don’t know and I don’t care. Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences. Don’t...
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marval
A Lion walks into a restaurant and sits down. The Waiter comes over and says, “Would you like to order a starter, Sir?” The Lion says, “Yes, I’ll have the salmon” “Very good Sir,” says...

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