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A man goes to a pet store in order to buy himself an exotic bird. He tells the clerk, “You know I’ve had a number of pet birds in my life and now I’m looking for something really special. Have...
I've just found out that prior to publication, A Tale Of Two Cities was serialised in two Newspapers - it was the Bicester Times. It was the Worcester Times!
A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have...
When a Woman reaches a certain age in her life they often acquire lots of cats, this syndrome is known as the many paws....
by a loud fart. I was fartled.
I was in the *McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the woman behind me beeped at me and gave me the middle finger because I was taking to long to order. So I paid for her food. ...
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank ...
The rabbit says, I think I might be a type o....
Looks like I've had some poltergeist activity in the freezer. Everything was in disarray and scattered about. I've now tidied it up and put everything back in its place, so I'm preying it will stay...
My wife called me a sexist pig, and accused me of being far too obsessed with football. I said, "What makes you say that, babe?" She said, "Well for one, there's this card you gave me for my...
Why did the drunken Mexican push his wife off the tall building ?.
He wanted Tequila....
One day I changed a light bulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar.
Then I realised my life is just a joke....
I once lived on a houseboat for a while, down on the river and started seeing the girl next door. At first everything was going great at first and I thought, yeah this is it!. Sadly as time went by,...
I went to a wedding the other day, it was such a moving experience even the cake was in tiers.
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said "So, why are you here?" The yellow Lab replied,...
Johnny: Dad, I've decided to get married Dad: Wonderful, do you have a girl in mind ? Johnny: Yes, Grandma. She said she loves me, and I love her - she's the best cook and story teller in the whole...
The teacher heard Little Johnny use some serious bad language and was shocked. She reprimanded him, “Johnny, don’t you ever use language like that again, not near me, not ever. Where on earth did...
To make you smile :) Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?" "I don't know," replied the other baby giggling. "What do you...
An elderly farmer was tired of his old leaky boots, so he decided to go into town and buy a new pair. When he got home he tried to get his aged wife to notice the new boots without him actually saying...
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit...
Noah’s diary, Day 38
Running out of food, will soon have to start eating the animals.
Noah’s diary, Day 39
It was a good idea I had yesterday, these unicorns are delicious....
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