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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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marval
I have spent all day working on my car, it only had reverse gear, I still don’t know why. I am still no further forward. Does anyone know where Concentrate is? I’ve been drinking this lovely...
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zabado
I also used to date a twin, one had TB and the other had VD. I only ever made love to the one who coughed.
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spathiphyllum
I once dated a girl with a twin People always use to ask me how i could tell the two apart! It was simple... Jill painted her nails purple (usually) And bob had a penis....
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Bazile
A bloke is watching a film on the TV ,with organ music playing . Suddenly he yells - '' don't enter that church , you daft idiot , it's a trap !!! '' His wife asks him - '' what are you watching ,...
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dannyk13
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy ? I don't know and I don't care....
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Shaglene
Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich tourist from down south is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays $100 bill on the...
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marval
My brother is jealous that my handwriting is so much better than his, I think it is just scribbling rivalry. I am sure I saw the Hunchback of Notre Dame this morning. If it wasn’t him, it was a dead...
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Canary42
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-45179970...
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Shaglene
Well, one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead! Harry was...
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Hopkirk
A farmer has 38 sheep which he tells his collie dog to collect into a pen. When they are all inside the farmer counts them. 'There's 40 sheep here,' he says to the collie who replies, 'I know, I...
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marval
I have been having some trouble with my server today, he still refuses to bring me my slippers. The abominable snowman could easily have defeated the Loch Ness monster. Yeti didn’t. I went to the...
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marval
My partner is in a right mood because I have filled the bathroom in our new house with bonsai plants. I don’t know what her problem is. She said to “go out and get toilet trees”....
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DTCwordfan
I asked a Chinese girl that I met in a Glasgie Sichuan restaurant for her phone number. She said, "Oh Win for Win, Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means...
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Voltage
A woman has a vaginal tuck, wakes up to see 3 bunches of flowers in her room. One from the doctor with the message "Every thing went well". The second bunch was from her husband "Get well soon" and...
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1ozzy
...While ordering takeaway food and having sex.
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Patsy33
Got a singing coach to help me with karaoke but had to get rid of him because he was so selfish. It was always mi mi mi with him.
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sunny-dave
Q : Why did God bother to create men? A : Because She couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn I'll get me coat ......
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Voltage
This morning I went to a meeting of my Premature Ejaculation Support Group. The receptionist told me "sorry Mr volty it's tomorrow you came to early" Ok I said "I'll come again tomorrow "...
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sunny-dave
An Irish woman of a certain age visited her doctor to ask his advice on reviving her lover's libido. 'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor. 'Not a chance', she said... 'He won't even take an...
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Voltage
Raised hundreds of pounds at my Bronchitis Support charity event last night. Everyone coughed up...

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