Cyril and Tom, two retired locomotive drivers, were reminiscing in the BR Retirement Home: Cyril: How many derailments did you have Tom? Tom: I don't know, it was difficult to keep track.
I was a watching a You Tube video of an aged, American stand-up comedian. It went something like this: "As I'm getting older and being unsteady on my feet I've taken to wearing a helmet in case I... ...
SO YOU COWARDS think you're tough because you jumped me?? Waited for me to be alone... in front of my own home??? I still handled all of you, left 3 of you on the ground laid out!! You're lucky I... ...
Paddy is booking into a guest house and looking around Reception, notices a sign on the wall. He says to the owner, "What time do YOU get in by?" The owner looks confused and says, "Well, I am the... ...
Dear Milkman...NOTES! "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it"...
Got sent this yesterday and it did make me laugh! Man to wife: "Darling, why don't you ever tell me when you orgasm??" Wife to man: " I don't like to bother you when you're at... ...
With all this talk of Boris Johnson making a political comeback – it reminds me of the day when he first became Prime Minister; my girlfriend texted me a short message:- ‘BJ-PM’ I was so... ...
A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel. An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel. A REALIST sees a train approaching. The TRAIN DRIVER sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
I have my doubts about this being a real application, but I thought it was quite funny so sharing. B&M JOB APPLICATION This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to... ...
Our teacher asked me what my favourite animal was, and I replied,”Fried Chicken”. She said I wasn’t funny, but she must be wrong because the whole class laughed. My parents told me to always tell... ...