ChatterBank0 min ago
I accidentally booked myself on an escapology course and now I'm struggling to get out of it.
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me,...
The insurance company told me if I go on a camping holiday and my tent gets nicked then I won't have any cover! ____________________ It’s crazy how fast milk floats are driven these days... One blink...
I've had enough of this lockdown now. If Michael Barrymore invited me to a pool party, I'd probably go. ________________________________ Last night on television, I heard a famous psychologist and...
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I...
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the...
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family. An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a...
My mate has invited me to a nudist party next week... It seems strange but to be honest, I might go if I have nothing on! __________________________________________ My optician has just told me that...
John Travolta has been hospitalised in the US with suspected Covid-19 but Doctors now confirm that it is only Saturday Night Fever and assure people that he will be Stayin' Alive. Apparently he has...
Paddy is buying his tea in the chippy..........
"Would you like anything on your chips?"
"Does it cost extra?"
"Ten pence."
"Alright, I'll have four sausages and a steak pie."...
Last Christmas I bought the mother-in-law a parrot... Two weeks later she brought it round saying "It's ***, it doesn't saying anything!" The parrot pipes up, "She hasn't given me a bloody chance...
A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about an exciting new procedure called "The Knob" which would involve attaching a small knob to the back of her...
After emerging from lockdown and shielding, I decided to pop along my local Origami club this evening. Sadly, it's folded.
The wife passed her driving test yesterday.
I told he I would buy her something cheap to run around in if she passed.
Well she did pass, so I bought her a pair of trainers from Aldi....
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "8 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly...
"It's been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed." My dog's full of useful information like that!...
The thing I love the most about the hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops... But I'm told they do make me look a bit camp! ___________________________________ Bad scene on the beach today....
Just been to Boots and asked the assistant if they sold Benylin.
She replied, ''For cough?''
I said, "Steady on love I only bloody asked!"...
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Due to the latest Covid-19 restrictions - my local pub has banned 'Sweet Caroline' by Neil Diamond from the Karaoke Jukebox. So there will be no: Touching Hands, Reaching Out, Touching Me, Touching...
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