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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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marval
A German, a Pole and a Czech left camp for a hike through the woods. After being reported missing a day or two later, rangers found two bears, one a male, one a female, looking suspiciously...
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marval
I am having some prosthetic toes fitted tomorrow. New changes are afoot. I attempted to sabotage the World Fencing Championship recently, but I was foiled. My friend has just set up a new haulage...
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marval
At a party in a marquee, more and more people were coming in and the host hardly recognised anyone. So he clapped his hands for attention, and announced: “Let’s have some order. First, could...
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marval
A leopard went to see an Optician because he thought he needed an eye exam. “Every time I look at my wife,” he worriedly told the optician, “I see spots before my eyes.” “So what are you...
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Patsy33
i really love ebay,sold my homing pigeons four times this month...
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bessie1916
Epitaph company rejoiced heartlessly when this failed (7) R?????D I think it might be RIPCORD. If so my next query starts with a P Nationalist had pay docked over threesome with model (7) (P??????...
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marval
I have been circuit training for three weeks now, and I still don’t know what a diode is. A hypnotist put me in a trance where I thought I was playing a never ending game of cards. Fortunately, I...
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Patsy33
My husband says he’s leaving me, as I’m too obsessed with Astronomy. What Planet is he on.?? :)...
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Patsy33
My mate said to me "Why are you carrying a 9 foot book?" I said,"It's a long story."...
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thesshhh
Shock news from the Women’s World Cup in Nice as the England goalkeeper actually saved something. Yes, she got 10 per cent off a bottle of Chanel No.5 at Duty Free...
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Patsy33
If anyone wants any butt jokes, I have piles..
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marval
Three men, one American, one Mexican, and one Chinese, were hiking in an unknown mountain. They suddenly discovered a big cave. So they each decided to test its echo. The American man shouted his...
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vetuste_ennemi
...or rather sit-down. And his sense of humour chimes exactly with that of the brightest and the best in one of Britain's premier universities. https://twitter.com/UJS_UK/status/1140545167704961024...
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marval
My friend just stays at home these days, watching film after film. He has developed a reel problem. I have just reconditioned an old car, it took thirty bottles of head and shoulders. I was going to...
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albaqwerty
I've been searching and found my paternal grandmother's maiden name was Boleyn. Yes, Anne, honestly, but no-one in the family will talk about her younger brother, Tenpin.
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Patsy33
Last summer, I set up a clinic for colonic irrigation. The hose ban hit us hard...
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Spicerack
Our amateur dramatic society has cancelled its latest production because of a mystery electrical failure. We are powerless to act.
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marval
I accidently put my phone in the fridge yesterday. Been getting cold calls ever since. A German bloke has opened a barbers at the end of our street. Herr Kutt. I tried and failed at making a suitcase...
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Patsy33
At my wife's labour, the nurse came up to me and my wife and said, "How about Epidural Anaesthesia?" I said, "Thanks, but we've already picked a name."...
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Chipchopper
She said, "what seems to be the problem ?" I explained "I've broken my neck in two places". She replied "well, stop going to those places"...

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