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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Patsy33
As I lay in bed last night, gazing at the moon and stars, I suddenly thought, "Where's the frigging roof?!".......
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Patsy33
A young man I met, sent me a text, saying , "I think your great" I replied, "No, I think you're great". He's in love with me now, and I don't have the heart to tell him, I was only correcting his...
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spathiphyllum
my grandma talking to my dad about her new hearing aid, "it's the most expensive one u can buy, it cost me $4,000.” my dad: "what kind is it?" my grandma: "it's 4:15pm"...
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maggiebee
Eat alphabet soup and have a vowel movement Eat more doughnuts, it’s the original hole food 1st restaurant opens on the moon – great food but no atmosphere...
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marval
I ordered an eight inch Cheese and Tomato Pizza from Dominos. I was shocked when it arrived as it was delivered by two midget monks. I phoned Dominos up and said, “What are you doing, having my...
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Chipchopper
I used to have a vast collection of vintage tractors, all lovingly restored to their former glory. I just run out of space, in the end and the novelty wore off. S'pose you could say, I'm an extractor...
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marval
My partner is always driving me round the bend. One day he will learn how to use roundabouts properly. I just drank some wkd with ice in it. It was wicked. I’ve recently been buying loads of...
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Groupie
the inventor of the anagram has died...may he "erect a penis."...
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spathiphyllum
What do you call batman when he skips church? Christian Bale...
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marval
A milk jug says to a sugar bowl “Hey, shall we see which one of us can hold the most coffee?” The sugar bowl says “No way mate, that’s a mug’s game.”...
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Patsy33
Paddy and his two friends are talking at work. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they...
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Chipchopper
I blasted my horn at a man, when I saw him removing fence panels from the motorway today. He looked at me with anger in his eyes. So I shouted "no need to take offence" !...
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marval
My overweight partner has started getting a bit of pride in himself lately. Well, he has started eating lion bars....
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Patsy33
For Sale: Replica Fisherman's Knife (Made To Scale)...
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spathiphyllum
Her: *holding handbag* it's not my style per se, but- Me (very smart): I believe it's pronounced purse...
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Canary42
I hate bigotry. Doesn't this make me a bigot ;-D...
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Canary42
Ne'er cast a clout 'til May is out. That won't be long now....
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marval
My boss called me into his office to see how my first day was going. He asked, “How are you finding your role?” I said, “If I am honest, it could do with a little more mayo.” My friend asked...
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Theland
Man buys a Kangaroo. Once Ho e it just sits there, eats a bit, drinks a bit, poos a bit but never moves. Takes it to the vet, who examines it, and writes out a prescription. "What are these?" asks the...
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marval
A city gent was driving through the countryside when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale. “Afraid...

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