News just in….Three cliff walkers have fallen to their deaths! What are the chances of them all having the same name? ___ I was kissing my girlfriend on the sofa the other night and she says to me,... ...
A dwarf was drinking in a bar when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said “I’ve always wanted to have sex with a little person” The dwarf replied “I’m sorry, but I’ve had women say that before,... ...
This guy in the pub was telling loads of jokes about Motown singers, and I said to him how many Motown jokes do you know at "least a 100, and that's four tops"
I noticed some folks were throwing a fancy dress party on our block, trouble was my girlfriend and I had no costumes to wear. I said to my GF "quick jump up on my back, we will get in somehow". A... ...
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner. A local politician and member of the congregation was to give a speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say a few words... ...
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honour," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes,"... ...
The job on the farm didn't last long, the boss said that "sleeping on the job is unacceptable" so I took him to the tribunal, and said in my defence "well it was you who told me to count those... ...
Teacher said to Tommy "Have you got a brother ?" He said "No miss but my sister has." ___ A prostitute says to Paddy: "Would you like to have sex?" Paddy says: "Ok, but only of you do it like my wife... ...
I read in the newspaper a tip to use Vodka for cleaning around the house. I must say it really works too, the more Vodka I drank the cleaner the house looked. ___ I was sitting on the toilet when the... ...
If I had 50p for every maths exam I've failed, I'd have £3.74 now. ___ I can put up with most things from my work-mates; but stealing my digestives? That just takes the biscuit. ___ I was in a lift when... ...
I've been in bed for 20 minutes and l've just remembered, l only came upstairs for a pen. ___ Last night I had a terrible dream that I had to make a thousand pancakes. I was tossing and turning all... ...
Paddy staggered home very late and very drunk. He took off his shoes to avoid waking the wife. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their bedroom, but misjudged the... ...