Travel0 min ago
I have started investing in stocks: beef, chicken and vegetable.
One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire....
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name. He replied, "She called Four Horse". The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?" The Old Indian answered, "It old...
... you tell when an Essex girl's had an orgasm?
She drops her chips......
The Sneeze A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to...
...and Glasgow have a lot in common; they're the only places where you can pay for sex with chips...
It's just a brisk five minutes walk from my house to the pub.
It's a thirty-minute walk to the pub to my house.
The différance is staggering...
* Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so are thunder and lightning. *If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. *Marriage is grand...
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"Doctor, you've got to help my husband," a farmer's wife said frantically. "He thinks he's a racehorse. He wants to live in a stable; he walks on all fours and he even eats hay." "I'm sure we can cure...
This must've happened to you at least once. You're at home and you have to rush to the loo. Afterwards, you reach for the toilet paper and someone's used it all, so you do that silly waddle-walk with...
Two cockroaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant. "I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is...
As a kid, I was forced to walk the plank.
Me papa told me, we couldn't afford a dog!...
My neighbour has just banged on the wall at 4:20 am, can you believe that?!! Luckily I was still up playing music. He banged and shouted "Can we have a little respect please?" So I shouted back, "I'm...
An important murder trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. One prospective juror, Dan...
Went supermarket shopping with the wife today - had to get masked up as per advice.
Got home and unmasked, only to find brought the wrong woman home....
I was visiting a hospital in Scotland today and noticed one of the wards was particularly noisy, with patients shouting poetry at each other. I stopped a nurse and asked her if this was the...
As the Plane bound for Turkey was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?" "Just snow," replied the stewardess. "That's what I thought,"...
The Black Bra (as told by a woman) I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and...
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, you don't understand"...
A man lay spread out over three seats in the second row of a cinema. As he lay there breathing heavily, an usher came over and said, "That's very rude of you, sir, taking up three seats. Didn't you...
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