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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Shaglene
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it ! Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for...
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Shaglene
I was at a family party yesterday when my Mum started reminiscing about the Summer of '69. It could have been worse, she could have told everyone about her Autumn of anal....
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spathiphyllum
Life is like a game of chess... Can anyone teach me how to play chess?...
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BANANASPLITS
A boy goes into a strip club and later his mum finds out and gets angry. She asks him, "Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?" The boy replies, "Yes, I saw dad!"...
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marval
The man who lives on the farm next to me just put some strange metal wire around his field. For the last few days I just couldn’t put my finger on it, and when I finally did I was shocked. I had a...
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BANANASPLITS
I was at my doctor's yesterday. He said to me "Don't eat anything fatty". I replied "You mean like bacon and sausage?".. He answered "No fatty. Don't eat anything".... Charming!...
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BANANASPLITS
Please send prayers for my mother-in-law, she was taken to hospital this morning, her face was all red and swollen,A bee landed on her face, luckily she wasn't stung,I was quick with the spade...
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Shaglene
A rich Arab walks in a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl and traditional locks of hair. He doesn't have to be Einstein to know this guy...
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Shaglene
At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours? In the word scent, is "S" silent or "C"? If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around? Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in...
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ChillDoubt
52,000 Geordies meet in St James Park for a 'Geordies Are Not Stupid' convention. Alan Shearer addresses the crowd 'We are all here today to prove to the world that Geordies are not stupid. Can I have...
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retrocop
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears and took pity...
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BANANASPLITS
Husband: "When I get mad you never fight back. How do you control your anger?" Wife: "I clean the toilet." Husband: "How does that help?" Wife: "I use your toothbrush!"...
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BANANASPLITS
Does anybody know which actor played Forrest Gump? Thanks...
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BANANASPLITS
Our local lady's hairdressers got robbed earlier today. Police are combing the area!...
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BANANASPLITS
Shop assistants are so rude these days. I went into HMV and asked if they had any DVDs about people stranded on a desert island... The assistant told me to get Lost!...
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BANANASPLITS
I'm starting a new business up making glass coffins. I wonder if they will be popular? Remains to be seen!...
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BANANASPLITS
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate. They're both cauldron....
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BANANASPLITS
They told me I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic..... Last laugh is on them. So far I’ve made 2 jugs and a vase!...
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BANANASPLITS
My dwarf friend got fired from his low paying waiter job. He's now struggling to put food on the table....
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Shaglene
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador”. "Blow that" says Mick, “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?" 19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of...

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