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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Rondy
Gary: "Your new secretary is very sexy...."
Larry: "Thanks! She's actually a robot named Doreen....
If you squeeze her right breast, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left breast, she types... ...
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maggiebee
I dig, You dig She digs, He digs We Dig, They Dig Not a long poem, but very deep.
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Rondy
I asked my friend the other day, "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"
He replied, somewhat indignantly, "That was no eyesore, that was my wife!" ___ I’ve just woke up after a heavy night’s... ...
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Rondy
Paddy is booking into a guest house and looking around reception he notices a sign on the wall.
He asks the owner: "What time do you get in?"
The owner looks confused and says: "I am the owner and I... ...
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Rondy
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-towners who ended up sinking it. He spent... ...
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Chipchopper
Struggling to get my grass mown, a neighbour suggested that I pour whiskey on the grass. He claims that the grass comes up half cut.
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Patsy33
I hate spelling errors.. You mix up two letters and your whole joke is urined.
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Rondy
Apparently exercising helps with decision making. It's true!
I went for a jog today and decided I'm never going again.
___

Dad: "How are your grades, son?"

Son: "They're underwater, Dad."

Dad: "What do... ...
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Rondy
Poets were on special offer in town today.
It was Byron get one free. ___ I said to my wife "seeing as it is valentines day lets try something from the karma sutra"....Ok she says "I'll have Chicken... ...
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Rondy
My friend and I work in a lawn-mower-parts warehouse. He had the idea that his wife did not want a card on Valentine’s Day, but when he spoke to her on the phone, he discovered she was expecting... ...
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emily1890
roses are red, and violets are brown   never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
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Rondy
Mick got a job as a bus driver and on his first morning he just sat
at the depot waiting. The bus inspector came over to see what the
problem was. Mick said; " l'm waiting for the conductor! " The... ...
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piggynose
https://www.hmfckickback.co.uk/index.php?/topic/70375-why-rodney-marsh-only-got-a-few-caps-for-england-nhc/ ...
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Rondy
I met a nurse who took me to Italy.
Next thing I know, she has me arrested.
And that’s how I learned about Florence, night in jail. ___ I didn’t win any medals at the international astronomy quiz last... ...
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roadman
i was going to buy a copy of the sunday telegraph but there has been so many editions it would be hard to read them all to catch up 
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Rondy
I was disappointed with the new film called Fishing, although it had a great cast! ___ Woman sitting next to a man on a plane, every time he sneezes he wipes his cock, after the 3rd time the woman... ...
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maggiebee
I'm Hungary Maybe you should Czech the fridge I'm Russian to the kitchen Is there any Turkey? We have some but it's covered with a layer of Greece Ew, there is Norway you can eat that Please Finnish... ...
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Chipchopper
I called the police when I discovered two men hiding behind the patio windows. When questioned, they said their names were Kurt and Rod 
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Rondy
As I was rushed into A&E, the paramedic shouted “BP is 148!”
I thought that’s not really the time to talk about petrol prices. ___ The seeds I sent for have germinated in the envelope.
It's left me... ...
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maggiebee
Tom gets on a plane in Edinburgh for a flight to New York. A very attractive young lady gets on the plane and sits right next to him. Wanting to start a conversation with her he asks “Business... ...

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