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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Hymie
1. I’m wrong, you must be right. 2. Does this make my bum look too small? 3. My God, it really is 14 inches. 4. I won’t put my lips on that thing unless you let me swallow. 5. This diamond is far...
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Hymie
1. It looks like we’re lost, I better pull over and ask someone for directions. 2. *** the football, lets watch your ‘Cagney and Lacy’ video. 3. Hey, let’s go shopping and why don’t you...
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Chipchopper
Several weeks ago now, I was sent a letter from the audiology department at my local hospital. They informed me that they would be sending me a date for the new appointment for my hearing test but I...
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Canary42
This girl said she recognized me from the vegan club, but I'd never met herbivore.
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Chipchopper
Last night I had the most strangest dream. I dreamed I was swimming in a sea of orange soda. I guess it was just a fanta sea....
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Bobbisox1
A man goes to a pet store in order to buy himself an exotic bird. He tells the clerk, “You know I’ve had a number of pet birds in my life and now I’m looking for something really special. Have...
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Stephen_G
I've just found out that prior to publication, A Tale Of Two Cities was serialised in two Newspapers - it was the Bicester Times. It was the Worcester Times!
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Canary42
A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have...
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Chipchopper
When a Woman reaches a certain age in her life they often acquire lots of cats, this syndrome is known as the many paws....
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albaqwerty
by a loud fart. I was fartled.
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Canary42
I was in the *McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the woman behind me beeped at me and gave me the middle finger because I was taking to long to order. So I paid for her food. ...
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Trevilino
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank ... The rabbit says, I think I might be a type o....
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Chipchopper
Looks like I've had some poltergeist activity in the freezer. Everything was in disarray and scattered about. I've now tidied it up and put everything back in its place, so I'm preying it will stay...
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Trevilino
My wife called me a sexist pig, and accused me of being far too obsessed with football. I said, "What makes you say that, babe?" She said, "Well for one, there's this card you gave me for my...
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Chipchopper
Why did the drunken Mexican push his wife off the tall building ?. He wanted Tequila....
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Canary42
One day I changed a light bulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar. Then I realised my life is just a joke....
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Chipchopper
I once lived on a houseboat for a while, down on the river and started seeing the girl next door. At first everything was going great at first and I thought, yeah this is it!. Sadly as time went by,...
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Chipchopper
I went to a wedding the other day, it was such a moving experience even the cake was in tiers.
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Bobbisox1
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said "So, why are you here?" The yellow Lab replied,...
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Canary42
Johnny: Dad, I've decided to get married Dad: Wonderful, do you have a girl in mind ? Johnny: Yes, Grandma. She said she loves me, and I love her - she's the best cook and story teller in the whole...

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