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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Chipchopper
My Doctor told me, he had been practicing for 25 years. I think its about time he started doing it for real....
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maggiebee
‘Suicide is not the answer,’ I said to my friend. But he insisted it was, and we lost the quiz by one point.... I went to a restaurant last night. I ordered the chicken. I couldn’t eat it...
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wolf63
Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. He decided that a few disciple would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did....
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Voltage
"Black really is slimming on you, you've never looked sexier!" I assured the missus... "Turn the light back on you idiot!" she replied...
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Chipchopper
Why do they always put the gate in the muddiest part of the field ?
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Shaglene
Paddy applying for a job as a tree surgeon is asked lots of technical questions which he answers expertly, he even gives the Latin names for the trees and tells of the cures for the diseases. The...
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spathiphyllum
'knock knock' Who's their? 'Dorris'...
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Voltage
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me. Ahhh bliss!!...
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marval
Spanish painter Pablo Picasso encountered a thief at work in his mansion. The intruder got away, and the police were called. Picasso offered to do a rough sketch of what the thief looked like. On the...
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Fanriffic
One of my friends who has dwarfism came back from the Job Centre today really cheesed off. "What's wrong?" I asked. "They offered me a job as a lumberjack." "And what's wrong with that?" I replied....
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-SharonA-
I bought an impressionist painting of some flowers yesterday. When I got it home, the cat scratched it. I am trying to resell it as a Clawed Monet!!!!...
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Voltage
My girlfriend asked me, "Did you eat my chocolate in the cupboard last night?" "No, don't be silly" I replied, "I ate it on the sofa."...
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wolf63
One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept...
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alavahalf
Dear Lord, I Hope And Pray This Happens To Me Toward the end of Sunday Service, the Minister asked his Congregation," How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% of the Congregation held up their...
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alavahalf
You'll be fine," the Doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery. "But Doctor," she asked, "how long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again ?" The Surgeon seemed to...
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marval
An older woman runs into her friend at the supermarket. “You’re not going to believe this,” she said. “I found an old lamp the other day. I rubbed it and a genie popped out. He explained that...
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Groupie
I noticed there was a new Dessert out for Valentines day laced with Viagra syrup Its called Stiffy cocky pudding...
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DTCwordfan
Our Mikey walked into a Swansea post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with...
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1ozzy
.. That was once owned by William Shakespeare. He chewed the end of this pencil so much I now don't know if it's 2b or not 2b....
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AnkolsisZ
Is Donald duck being featured?

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