Body & Soul0 min ago
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it ! Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for...
I was at a family party yesterday when my Mum started reminiscing about the Summer of '69. It could have been worse, she could have told everyone about her Autumn of anal....
Life is like a game of chess...
Can anyone teach me how to play chess?...
A boy goes into a strip club and later his mum finds out and gets angry. She asks him, "Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?" The boy replies, "Yes, I saw dad!"...
The man who lives on the farm next to me just put some strange metal wire around his field. For the last few days I just couldn’t put my finger on it, and when I finally did I was shocked. I had a...
I was at my doctor's yesterday. He said to me "Don't eat anything fatty".
I replied "You mean like bacon and sausage?"..
He answered "No fatty. Don't eat anything"....
Charming!...
Please send prayers for my mother-in-law, she was taken to hospital this morning, her face was all red and swollen,A bee landed on her face, luckily she wasn't stung,I was quick with the spade...
A rich Arab walks in a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl and traditional locks of hair. He doesn't have to be Einstein to know this guy...
At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours? In the word scent, is "S" silent or "C"? If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around? Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in...
52,000 Geordies meet in St James Park for a 'Geordies Are Not Stupid' convention. Alan Shearer addresses the crowd 'We are all here today to prove to the world that Geordies are not stupid. Can I have...
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears and took pity...
Husband: "When I get mad you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush!"...
Does anybody know which actor played Forrest Gump?
Thanks...
Our local lady's hairdressers got robbed earlier today.
Police are combing the area!...
Shop assistants are so rude these days. I went into HMV and asked if they had any DVDs about people stranded on a desert island...
The assistant told me to get Lost!...
I'm starting a new business up making glass coffins.
I wonder if they will be popular?
Remains to be seen!...
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.
They're both cauldron....
They told me I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic.....
Last laugh is on them. So far I’ve made 2 jugs and a vase!...
My dwarf friend got fired from his low paying waiter job.
He's now struggling to put food on the table....
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador”. "Blow that" says Mick, “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?" 19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of...
