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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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spathiphyllum
The new Samsung fridge is so smart, it sends a message to your phone if you've left the door open. Me, an intellectual: If it's so smart, why doesn't it just shut its own door ?...
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Canary42
Jacob Rees-Mogg says he won't go to a Vegan Restaurant because they still haven't forgiven him for eating the last dodo. [courtesy HIGNFY]...
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Patsy33
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I told him, "My door is always open"....
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Khandro
An Australian friend writes, 'Stick you knife hard in the thigh of your surfing companion and swim briskly towards the beach!.
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Bazile
Have you ever wondered why the Arabs have got all the oil and the Irish all the potatoes ? Cos the Irish had first choice Shall i get ma coat ?...
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BANANASPLITS
We just played the Christmas edition of cluedo! My wife murdered the xmas dinner in the kitchen by the oven!...
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exarmy448
I am going to enjoy a Brexit Christmas Lunch this year. No Brussels
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DTCwordfan
One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pisshed off that Santa was never around to...
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BANANASPLITS
My wife told me I'm to childish when we go out shopping! I screamed at her "stop the trolley I want to get out"!...
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Canary42
Santa Claus Postal Room elves confirmed that he has received 48 letters asking for a new Prime Minister.
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olly8080
https://www.facebook.com/groups/243078542947476/ great facebook page a laugh a minute...
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BANANASPLITS
Midget women goes to the doctors, and says, "doctor ive got itchy private parts"... doctor lifts up her skirt, gets some sissors and goes snip snip, he says, "Is that better,... The midget says, "A...
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bhg481
Jeremy Corbyn called John McDonnell into his office one day and said, "John, I have a great idea! We’re going to go all out to win back Middle England.” “Good idea Jeremy, how will we go about...
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malagabob
Wife said I’m going to be your teacher and you are going to be a very naughty naughty boy who needs to be punished. Great I said until she got my parents involved....
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Chipchopper
Why does Santa use reindeer to pull his sleigh and not pigs ?. Because, when pigs fly, everything that wasn't supposed to happen... dose...
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Canary42
Rees-Mogg is moaning about May remaining as PM. Does that make him a new type of Remoaner ? You lost Jacob, that's democracy, get over it !...
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JF85
Three whales were crossing the Pacific when they saw a Japanese 'scientific research' vessel. Two dived to safety but the third was caught, filleted and used for experiments in sushi-making. Exactly a...
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BANANASPLITS
I have just divorced my cross eyed wife. We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side!...
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yrneh1938
sign outside a hospital pregnancy protection entrance at rear...
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spathiphyllum
I called babe station the sunday just gone... Me: Hey beautiful, what are you wearing? Babestation girl: Just a thong baby Me: Just a thong? Babestation girl: Yeah baby Me: where's your damn poppy?...

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