Sport1 min ago
I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He's a singer/songwriter Or sew it seams
They’re a funny lot, my family. Before he died my grandad covered his back with lard, but after that he went downhill very quickly. My sister had hay fever and then she developed diabetes. I did my... ...
The cheeky kids next door challenged me to a water fight, I said,”Give me 5 minutes and I’ll be ready as soon as the kettles boiled.” ___ For a minute I thought the job centre was trying to appeal... ...
Coming soon. Star Wars 12. Luke needs a walker.
Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, Saint Peter tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention of the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with... ...
I went into Boots the Chemist this morning and asked for a comb, the assistant said: "Do you want a steel one?" I said: "No I'm happy to pay for it".
I'm studying the effects of marijuana on sea birds. I've not left a tern unstoned.
This fella just said to me: "Why have you got a trainer on your head?"I said: "I am trying to jog my memory".
My local chef got caught embezzling, he was cooking the books. ___ One day I hope to lose so much weight that I win the Nobelly Prize! ___ So a big group of fawns, moose and elks got together and had... ...
Jujitsu - the gentle art of folding clothes when people are still in them.
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go into the library and read a good book. Groucho Marx
I saw a vacancy was on offer at a local sandwich makers, so I gave them a call to inquire about the position. They got back to and said "sorry the role has been filled"
A man is at the Pearly Gates and sees a load of clocks behind St Peter. He asked what are those for. St Peter replies they're lie clocks and record everybody's lies. He then says that's Mother... ...
Before surgery, the anesthetist said they could put me under with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.
These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in
NHS.
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's... ...
NHS.
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's... ...
Although I've now gone bald, l still keep the comb I've had for nearly 20 years.
I just can't part with it. ___ I've figured out how to avoid getting parking tickets, I've taken the windscreen wipers... ...
I just can't part with it. ___ I've figured out how to avoid getting parking tickets, I've taken the windscreen wipers... ...
A dying husband is lying in his hospital bed. He looks at his wife and says, "Our seventh child looks very different to the other six. Please be honest with me, does he have a different father to... ...
A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day. She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. At one point, she looked up and asked: "Grandma, how come you don't have a... ...
90s Iconic Sooty & Sweep puppet gloves for sale. Any offer taken. Just want them off my hands.
A list of ten jokes only Scots would understand: 1. A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist. "Govan," she replies. 2. How many Spanish guys does it... ...
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