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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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webbo3
I think we should have had Alex McLeish in charge of Brexit it’s taken nearly 3 years and he managed to get Scotland out of Europe in 90mins...
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marval
I gave an ant a 7UP bottle lid to use as a boat to sail across a puddle. It’s Cap-sized. I have met this man, but he won’t get with me because of my obsession with Blondie. I’ll get him one way...
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Patsy33
I don't think I've got the job at Microsoft. They haven't replied to my telegram yet...
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Patsy33
My partner said if I take one more photo of her, she was leaving me. That's when I snapped!....
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maggiebee
Cardboard belts are a waist of paper Norwegian ships have bar codes so you can scan da navy in I prefer my kale with a silent K Remains to be seen if I like glass coffins Hedgehogs: Why can’t they...
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Patsy33
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. (I'll get me coat...)...
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Canary42
Apparently Brexiteers are confused because Bercow has exercised the Parliamentary sovereignty they say we haven't got because of our EU membership.
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marval
What Americans call a zucchini the British call a courgette. Where Americans have jelly, Britain has jam. Where Britain has jelly, America has jell-O. But most interesting of all is that Americans...
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spathiphyllum
People only aay congrats because they don’t know how to spell congratjulations...
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Patsy33
As I lay in bed last night, gazing at the moon and stars, I suddenly thought, "Where's the frigging roof?!".......
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Patsy33
A young man I met, sent me a text, saying , "I think your great" I replied, "No, I think you're great". He's in love with me now, and I don't have the heart to tell him, I was only correcting his...
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spathiphyllum
my grandma talking to my dad about her new hearing aid, "it's the most expensive one u can buy, it cost me $4,000.” my dad: "what kind is it?" my grandma: "it's 4:15pm"...
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maggiebee
Eat alphabet soup and have a vowel movement Eat more doughnuts, it’s the original hole food 1st restaurant opens on the moon – great food but no atmosphere...
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marval
I ordered an eight inch Cheese and Tomato Pizza from Dominos. I was shocked when it arrived as it was delivered by two midget monks. I phoned Dominos up and said, “What are you doing, having my...
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Chipchopper
I used to have a vast collection of vintage tractors, all lovingly restored to their former glory. I just run out of space, in the end and the novelty wore off. S'pose you could say, I'm an extractor...
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marval
My partner is always driving me round the bend. One day he will learn how to use roundabouts properly. I just drank some wkd with ice in it. It was wicked. I’ve recently been buying loads of...
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Groupie
the inventor of the anagram has died...may he "erect a penis."...
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spathiphyllum
What do you call batman when he skips church? Christian Bale...
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marval
A milk jug says to a sugar bowl “Hey, shall we see which one of us can hold the most coffee?” The sugar bowl says “No way mate, that’s a mug’s game.”...
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Patsy33
Paddy and his two friends are talking at work. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they...

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