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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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AB Editor
Hi jokers, Please keep the jokes section clean. This is a family-friendly site and we'd like to keep it that way! Jokes that the editorial team or moderators don't consider to be family friendly will...
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Voltage
My girlfriend is really tiny she has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size. So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm...
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Chipchopper
I know a farmer who makes tomato puree in an old tin bath tub. He said "I like to fully amerce myself, from my head tomato's"...
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Voltage
Police are on the lookout for a cross-eyed burglar! They’ve said “If you see him peering through your window, please warn the people next-door.”...
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Patsy33
I stepped on snail once as a child. It was my very first crush.
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Bazile
A mushroom walks into a bar during happy hour , sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says,"Why not? I'm a fun guy!"...
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Voltage
I know a bloke who is mute, he communicates through embroidery. Sew to speak....
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Patsy33
What did the thesaurus have for breakfast? A synonym roll......
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Voltage
The wife and I went to a bank robbers-themed fancy dress party last night. Well I did!, she stayed in the car and kept the engine running....
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Patsy33
Got caught sniffing Tippex the other day. I've been admitted to a correction centre....
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Voltage
If you’re 10% Polish, does that make you a tad pole?...
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Voltage
Men at 26 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 plays golf. Have you noticed every time you get older your balls gets smaller?...
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Voltage
Paddy climbs the diving board for his final dive with a fish in his hand . The official says: “What are you doing with that fish Paddy?” Paddy: “A Triple somersault with pike.”...
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marval
There was a break-in at the Dublin hall of mirrors last night. So far, Irish police have arrested 15 midgets and a 7ft anorexic woman....
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Voltage
best thing i ever did was to take the rear view mirror out of the car, and since then.. I’ve never looked back....
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Shaglene
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." "What about the wooden...
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Shaglene
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so." I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by...
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Voltage
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has broke his leg. We didn’t have Oleg to stand on....
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Voltage
My mate used liquorice as bait when he went fishing. He caught all sorts!...
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Voltage
My wife was on her pc earlier she called me over "theres music coming out of the printer" she said It's only the paper jamming again I said!...
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Patsy33
I've got a new job with 500 people under me, cutting the grass at the cemetery....

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