Just bought a humpty dumpty toy from Aldi. It's brilliant, it comes with Aldi Kings horses and Aldi Kings men. ___ Managed to get hold of a box of counterfeit Mr Kipling Apple tarts. They're... ...
I was in a shoe shop yesterday, trying on a new pair of shoes, an assistant asked me how I was doing, so I told her they was too tight. She said, "try them with the tongue out" I said " iths no... ...
An elderly man answered a knock at the door, and the caller said, "I'm collecting on behalf of the save our swimming pool calpain and all donations will be greatly received. The elderly man said... ...
When I was younger, I said to my dad: "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?" "Sure son, you go ahead". So I sold it! ___ A guy lives with his wife in the same little town where they both... ...
My grandson loves the jokes of this form... Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head? A: Jack I have several but you get the idea, looking for ones I don't know.
I went into a caravan showroom the other day and said to the salesman: "I'd like to buy a motorhome." He said "Camper?" I said "Oooo, get you, I'd like to buy a motorhome, sweety." ___ "What am I going... ...
....heard from a mate, he has a date from a girl who identifies as a wheelie bin. The trouble is, he can't remember if he's taking her out Thursday or Friday.
A lady of the night was visiting her doctor for a regular checkup. "Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked. "Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest... ...
I was having a drink in the mermaid inn last night, when I overheard a woman say "I like to lay on the beach, myself but my other half likes to be in the sea"
Two little boys were at a wedding service, One boy leaned over and asked his friend ,"How many wives can a man have?" " Sixteen" came back the reply. "Four richer,four poorer ,four better and four... ...
I borrowed a blind friend of mine £20 the other day, He promised me he would pay me back the next time he saw me. Uh Oh, I should have known better. ___ My wife left me for another man. All that lies... ...
I woke up this morning to the sun coming through my bedroom window. I need to have a word with that new paper boy. ___ A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy... ...
My wife and l decided we would never go to bed annoyed at each other. We've been sitting up since Tuesday. ___ Just went into the shop and said "Can I pay by card? He said "No problem, what card do... ...