1 In Every 100 In Uk Is Illegal !
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The cheeky kids next door challenged me to a water fight, I said,”Give me 5 minutes and I’ll be ready as soon as the kettles boiled.” ___ For a minute I thought the job centre was trying to appeal... ...
I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He's a singer/songwriter Or sew it seams
They’re a funny lot, my family. Before he died my grandad covered his back with lard, but after that he went downhill very quickly. My sister had hay fever and then she developed diabetes. I did my... ...
I went into Boots the Chemist this morning and asked for a comb, the assistant said: "Do you want a steel one?" I said: "No I'm happy to pay for it".
I'm studying the effects of marijuana on sea birds. I've not left a tern unstoned.
This fella just said to me: "Why have you got a trainer on your head?"I said: "I am trying to jog my memory".
My local chef got caught embezzling, he was cooking the books. ___ One day I hope to lose so much weight that I win the Nobelly Prize! ___ So a big group of fawns, moose and elks got together and had... ...
I recently went for a job interview at a sewage farm.
The interview room had no chairs but a couple of stools. ___ I've opened a kitchenware shop in Jamaica selling casserole dishes.
Pyrex of the... ...
The interview room had no chairs but a couple of stools. ___ I've opened a kitchenware shop in Jamaica selling casserole dishes.
Pyrex of the... ...
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go into the library and read a good book. Groucho Marx
A man is at the Pearly Gates and sees a load of clocks behind St Peter. He asked what are those for. St Peter replies they're lie clocks and record everybody's lies. He then says that's Mother... ...
Before surgery, the anesthetist said they could put me under with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.
A dying husband is lying in his hospital bed. He looks at his wife and says, "Our seventh child looks very different to the other six. Please be honest with me, does he have a different father to... ...
90s Iconic Sooty & Sweep puppet gloves for sale. Any offer taken. Just want them off my hands.
A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day. She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. At one point, she looked up and asked: "Grandma, how come you don't have a... ...
A list of ten jokes only Scots would understand: 1. A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist. "Govan," she replies. 2. How many Spanish guys does it... ...
With so many televised sporting events cancelled, they are going to screen the World Origami championships. It will be on Paperview.
A guy with no skills and little brains gets a job helping out on a small family farm. On his first morning on the job, the farmer's wife says to him:
"I've got something for you to do. The... ...
"I've got something for you to do. The... ...
If you feel like someone is watching you, you're not alone.
I really feel sorry for Parents these days. You have to be able to explain the birds and the bees ... the bees and the bees ... the birds and the birds ... the birds that used to be bees ... the... ...
I went out with a Prawn once . She wouldn't do anything to help other people She was very Shellfish .
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