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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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retrocop
Aussie stockman and his wife had just got married and found a quiet little English Pub for their wedding night. The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.... He said, 'We're on our...
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Patsy33
My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing And they're off!...
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Canary42
Philip: Insurance, what's that ? Elizabeth: It's something the plebs use, just like seatbelts....
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Canary42
Some of the blurb accompanying Spam, I find very amusing. (Un)fortunately, thanks to the timely interventions of our wonderful moderators, one has to be very quick to catch it (and I wouldn't have it...
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Patsy33
Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop stealing things. Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a colour TV!...
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1ozzy
...Your form of transport but not say about your partner? Getting a bit long in the tooth, but, a good service would make all the difference....
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Patsy33
A good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2019 Six Nations Wales v England Executive box seats. He paid £500 each but he didn't realise last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the...
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marval
I have got a blind date tonight with this girl who is 78.8 inches tall, I can’t wait two metre. Bruce Willis, Nick Nolte, Steven Seagal, Gerard Butler and Vinnie Jones were all in the audience for...
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lindapalmara
It was aiming for his ankles! A well wisher is looking after the dog!
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cupid04
Q) Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? A) Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69!...
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retrocop
Two men were sitting next to each other at Milligan’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from...
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retrocop
The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from...
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AZardoz
What's the difference between kinky & perverted? Kinky is when you use a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken....
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spathiphyllum
"Dad, why is my sisters name Rose?" Dad: "Because your mum loves roses, Son". Son: "Ah, thanks Dad" Dad: "No problem, Yoghurt"....
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Canary42
Selfish immigrant driver collides with car, turns over his Range Rover. Should he be banned from UK driving now?...
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Patsy33
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon that screwed up my limb transplant, I'll kill him... with my bear hands.
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Canary42
Cat [i] owner [i] rescued from tree by Fire Brigade. Not funny at the time, but as the plucky lady said, "we can laugh about it afterwards". https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-46904485...
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spathiphyllum
A cabbie picks up a Nun. The cab driver can't help but stare at her. She ask'd him why he's staring and he responds with, "I've always had a fantasy to kiss a nun". She says, "I'll kiss you if you're...
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Chipchopper
The fossilized remains of a stone age man were found in a lake at the bottom of a steep escarpment. Scientists believe , he tripped and fell into the frozen lake while hunting deer and concluded "he...
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spathiphyllum
Old lady says to her husband, "My nipples are as hot today a they were 50 years ago!" Husband replies, "Oughtta be! One's in your coffee the other is in your porridge"....

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