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marval

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marval
Don't forget Holby is on tonight as well. Just in case anyone wasn't sure.
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marval
I like this story, I wonder if they would come and tidy our garage up? https://news.sky.com/story/mouse-proud-rodent-seen-tidying-up-tools-in-garden-shed-in-south-gloucestershire-11670747...
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marval
What Americans call a zucchini the British call a courgette. Where Americans have jelly, Britain has jam. Where Britain has jelly, America has jell-O. But most interesting of all is that Americans...
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marval
I ordered an eight inch Cheese and Tomato Pizza from Dominos. I was shocked when it arrived as it was delivered by two midget monks. I phoned Dominos up and said, “What are you doing, having my...
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marval
My partner is always driving me round the bend. One day he will learn how to use roundabouts properly. I just drank some wkd with ice in it. It was wicked. I’ve recently been buying loads of...
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marval
A milk jug says to a sugar bowl “Hey, shall we see which one of us can hold the most coffee?” The sugar bowl says “No way mate, that’s a mug’s game.”...
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marval
My overweight partner has started getting a bit of pride in himself lately. Well, he has started eating lion bars....
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marval
My boss called me into his office to see how my first day was going. He asked, “How are you finding your role?” I said, “If I am honest, it could do with a little more mayo.” My friend asked...
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marval
A city gent was driving through the countryside when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale. “Afraid...
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marval
The French are concerned that 77% of their electricity comes from nuclear power. I think they should stop over-reacting. My partner complained about not being wanted, so I went to the post office and...
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marval
I am a retired boxer and I am thinking of taking on golf as a hobby. Although many believe I should go into acting because apparently I am the only dog they know that can talk. My doctor’s surgery...
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marval
I asked for chicken drummers, and I was given pieces of chicken in breadcrumbs? Where are the feathery musicians I requested? I have just found out my friend has had collagen implants, she has been...
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marval
There's an Irish contestant on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? He doesn't know an answer. Jeremy says: "Don't forget you've got 50/50, ask the audience and phone a friend." The Irishman says: "I'll...
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marval
I have got a lot of respect for organ donors. Those guys really put their heart into it. I got the bearded dragon a new tank today. My partner isn’t happy though, he doesn’t think it is an...
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marval
A traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends early one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and Fix dinner for my husband! He's going to be really upset if it's...
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marval
A devout Australian cowboy lost his favourite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a kangaroo walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't...
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marval
I was beaten up by a seven, nine and eleven year old last night. I have decided it is time to get even. They are going to put a clock on the leaning tower of Pisa. That way it will have both the time...
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marval
My wife left me because of my obsession with Morse code. Her name is Dot and she made a dash for it. I drive a steam roller. Most people prefer a petrol or diesel engine, but I wanted my Rolls Royce...
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marval
Robin Hood lay dying, and all the faithful gathered round. With his weak and fading breath, Robin asked Marion to bring him the best arrow from the quiver beside his bed, and then asked Little John to...
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marval
My friend has been arrested for shop lifting. I was really surprised. I didn't know he was that strong....

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