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marval

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marval
This dog makes me smile, I love the look on his face when he is trying to be good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28EV6k9611g...
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marval
A husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over...
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Apparently the Mafia are now in the holiday business. I have just seen an advert for short breaks in tibia and fibula....
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marval
Sean and Hetty, an elderly widow and widower, had been dating for about three years when Sean finally decided to ask Hetty to marry him. She immediately said 'Yes'. The next morning when he awoke,...
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marval
I got beaten up by a tobacconist the other day. I have still got the cigars to prove it....
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marval
I keep swearing at tanks and castles. Turns out I have got Turrets Syndrome. I got my partner a bag of compost for his birthday. He chucked it at me in a rage. Typical, you give them the earth and...
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marval
Bob and Mike are sitting in the pub. "It's funny," says Bob, "I was wondering for years where my wife spent her evenings." "And you found out?" asks Mike. "Aye," says Bob. "I went home early one...
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marval
I was sitting on my lawn having a quiet beer and reading when I was startled by a fairly late model car that crashed through my hedge and came to rest just in front of me. I helped the elderly driver...
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marval
I went to a referee's funeral yesterday It was a good send off. I saw a man with a trolley full of horseshoes and rabbits' feet earlier, trying to get it up a hill. I thought, "He's pushing his luck”...
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marval
Early in 1824, a pub landlord muttered to his barman, "Keep an eye on that bloke down the end. That's Beethoven's Ninth." Scientists who were against genetic engineering have managed to cross a...
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marval
I was driving down a one way street and got stopped by a policeman Policeman" This is a one way street and your going the wrong way. Didn't you see the arrows"? Me “Arrows? I didn't even see the...
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marval
A man knocked at my door and said "Do you believe in free speech?" I said "yes." He said "Good, can I use your phone?" The price of hearing aids has gone up. Deaf people across the country are going...
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marval
My friend went out with a Welsh girl. She had 36DD's. A ridiculously long surname if you ask me....
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marval
When I was younger, I used to play in a moderately successful band - we were called "The Hinges" We used to support The Doors. A mate of mine just fell over a display of golf clubs. Paramedics are...
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marval
Olaf the Norseman is shopping at a supermarket when he comes across an old lady in a wheelchair, almost in tears. "What's the matter?" asks Olaf. "Oh," sobs the old lady. "I want to have a look at the...
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Dear Lucy, thank you for your letter. Unfortunately your application to join our Match-making service has been rejected. You failed question 14, What do you like best in a man?" "A knife" was not an...
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marval
Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were dining in New York. Ginger was resplendent in a ball gown and pearls, and Fred also sported evening wear. But the meal was marred when the waiter bringing their...
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marval
Mr. Smith comes to his wife, "Honey, could you be sewing on a wee button that's come off of my fly? I cannot button up my trousers." "Oh Dear, I have got my hands in the sink, go up the stairs and see...
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marval
I spotted a lizard on a portable toilet. I suspect it was a commode-o-dragon....
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marval
A woman said to her husband, “You make love like a painter.” “What like Da Vinci?” he said. “Smooth strokes, attention to detail, resulting in masterpiece?” No, she said. “Like a council painter. You...

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