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marval

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marval
My friend joined a bondage website. At first he was sent to Mansfield, then Newark and finally Worksop. I think he is being tied up in Notts....
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marval
My partner likes nothing more than to curl up with a good book. So I have bought him a copy of Advanced Contortionism. I have just bought a new Wigwam, my partner says it looks just like one of our...
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marval
A gentleman is permitted to join a private club. The initiation consists of holding an unprepared on-the-spot lecture, on a theme starting on a letter which is allotted to him. The man gets an S, and...
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marval
I have written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It is very saucy. My son invited his posh friend to his birthday party. I asked him, “What’s your favourite game, Tarquin?” He said,...
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marval
An old man goes to the doctors complaining he hears music every time he puts his hat on The doctor takes the hat into a back room and comes back out after a few minutes. The man puts his hat back on...
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marval
I need to find a new source of electricity. I am not happy with my current supplier. I constantly make dreadful clothes for monks. It is a bad habit. I spent six hours yesterday with my partner going...
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marval
A Lion walks into a restaurant and sits down. The Waiter comes over and says, “Would you like to order a starter, Sir?” The Lion says, “Yes, I’ll have the salmon” “Very good Sir,” says...
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marval
I have heard the Swiss are making a hat that has all the functions of their pocket knives. They are calling it the ‘Handycap.’...
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marval
It is a good job the band ‘Garbage’ didn’t change their name to the English version. They would have been rubbish. I recently purchased a novelty sized rubber stamp It has made quite an...
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marval
A married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days, he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation....
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marval
A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced passengers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket...
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marval
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a...
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marval
Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the world. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe...
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marval
My boss asked what I made of January’s sales reports. Apparently answering ‘paper aeroplanes’ is a good way to get fired. The flash bloke next door is building a conservatory, he has made the...
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marval
I have just bought the book ‘Learn How to Read’ and am now realising the potential problem. I just went and checked my bank balance, it is not very good, I fell in the river. I once knew this...
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marval
A local celebrity was today arrested for walking into an air conditioning shop and destroying several very expensive air conditioning units. His agent read out this statement: ”I would like to...
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The man who makes the giant eclairs at our local patisserie is retiring next week. There’ll be some big chouxs to fill when he goes When I got into the office this morning I saw several long sticks...
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My friend, who professionally trained as a tailor, has been made redundant, and has decided to go into comedy. He is not worried though, he says he has got plenty of quality material. When my...
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Four older women are sitting around playing Bridge. The first woman says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But,...
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My Granddad used to tell me that there was a secret code that would make an egg open itself. He said, “All you have to do is crack it” Saw a sign saying “Free Range Eggs” earlier. Never heard...

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