When my partner goes out shopping he likes to sample things before purchasing. He is buy-curious. I went shopping for shoes and I found the perfect pair. They are my sole mates Never do bedroom...
Sorry this made me smile.
https://news.sky.com/story/canadian-brewery-apologises-for-unwittingly-naming-beer-after-maori-word-for-pubic-hair-12044251...
Mick and Paddy are in the Pub having a wee drink when Paddy brings out a goldfish bowl with two goldfish in it. Mick says, "That's a grand pair of goldfish ye got there Paddy. Have ye named them yet?"...
Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialised in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As usual,...
A husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over...
Sean and Hetty, an elderly widow and widower, had been dating for about three years when Sean finally decided to ask Hetty to marry him. She immediately said 'Yes'. The next morning when he awoke,...
I keep swearing at tanks and castles. Turns out I have got Turrets Syndrome. I got my partner a bag of compost for his birthday. He chucked it at me in a rage. Typical, you give them the earth and...
Bob and Mike are sitting in the pub. "It's funny," says Bob, "I was wondering for years where my wife spent her evenings." "And you found out?" asks Mike. "Aye," says Bob. "I went home early one...
I was sitting on my lawn having a quiet beer and reading when I was startled by a fairly late model car that crashed through my hedge and came to rest just in front of me. I helped the elderly driver...
I went to a referee's funeral yesterday It was a good send off. I saw a man with a trolley full of horseshoes and rabbits' feet earlier, trying to get it up a hill. I thought, "He's pushing his luck”...
Early in 1824, a pub landlord muttered to his barman, "Keep an eye on that bloke down the end. That's Beethoven's Ninth." Scientists who were against genetic engineering have managed to cross a...
I was driving down a one way street and got stopped by a policeman Policeman" This is a one way street and your going the wrong way. Didn't you see the arrows"? Me “Arrows? I didn't even see the...
A man knocked at my door and said "Do you believe in free speech?" I said "yes." He said "Good, can I use your phone?" The price of hearing aids has gone up. Deaf people across the country are going...
When I was younger, I used to play in a moderately successful band - we were called "The Hinges" We used to support The Doors. A mate of mine just fell over a display of golf clubs. Paramedics are...
