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BANANASPLITS

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BANANASPLITS
I couldn't find any Oxo cubes in my local shop today. They must have been out of stock....
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BANANASPLITS
I went to My doctor and he looked at my belly this morning and said you should diet. I said what colour ?...
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BANANASPLITS
My niece has just learned how to play the mouth organ. Well done our Monica...
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BANANASPLITS
Watched this...this week via Netflix we quite enjoyed it but it was very long winded ...could have been done in 3 episodes instead of 10 ....good stuff tho worth a watch...
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It has been confirmed that Dianne Abbott is to be the face on the new £43.13 note....
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BANANASPLITS
Mark Knopfler comes home carrying a large picture frame & chips Wife: What you been up to? MK: I was at the Auction & got a French Impressionist painting & I got you a chippy Wife: How much have spent...
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I tried an old Viagra pill that I found at the back of my bathroom cupboard last night and it didn't work... I think it must have been past its swell by date!...
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A man tells his Rabbi, "I have a strong desire to live until eternity. What should I do?" "Get married" said the Rabbi. "It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?" He said. The Rabbi...
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I got a job making bullets in a gun factory. I meesed up! I was fired immediately....
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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6285283/Hate-preacher-Anjem-Choudary-financial-assets-FROZEN-UN.html He is to be released soon where is the £2million coming from? taxpayers money?...
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BANANASPLITS
A boy goes into a strip club and later his mum finds out and gets angry. She asks him, "Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?" The boy replies, "Yes, I saw dad!"...
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BANANASPLITS
I was at my doctor's yesterday. He said to me "Don't eat anything fatty". I replied "You mean like bacon and sausage?".. He answered "No fatty. Don't eat anything".... Charming!...
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Please send prayers for my mother-in-law, she was taken to hospital this morning, her face was all red and swollen,A bee landed on her face, luckily she wasn't stung,I was quick with the spade...
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Husband: "When I get mad you never fight back. How do you control your anger?" Wife: "I clean the toilet." Husband: "How does that help?" Wife: "I use your toothbrush!"...
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BANANASPLITS
Does anybody know which actor played Forrest Gump? Thanks...
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Our local lady's hairdressers got robbed earlier today. Police are combing the area!...
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Shop assistants are so rude these days. I went into HMV and asked if they had any DVDs about people stranded on a desert island... The assistant told me to get Lost!...
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I'm starting a new business up making glass coffins. I wonder if they will be popular? Remains to be seen!...
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Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate. They're both cauldron....
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They told me I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic..... Last laugh is on them. So far I’ve made 2 jugs and a vase!...

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