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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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-SharonA-
Man requests a tattoo of the man from the Jam on his leg. When he gets home, he sneaks a peek of his tattoo which has been bandaged up. He is shocked to see a golliwog! I haven't stopped laughing!...
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marval
I used to have an unusually strong appreciation for wordplay, but that was once a pun a time. An Indian man has taken to running round my hometown recently, fighting crime and jumping from building to...
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maggiebee
Try resistance training Refuse to go the the gym...
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albaqwerty
A guy who wasn't interested in football likes a pint in a bar without any coverage of football matches. However, his dog did a back-flip one day, guy told bar-tender that Celtic had won a Trophy (They...
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Canary42
Michael Gove, Matt Hancock, Jeremy Hunt, Sajid Javid, Boris Johnson, Andrea Leadsom, Kit Malthouse, Esther McVey, Dominic Raab, Rory Stewart, Old Uncle Tom Cobley, and All. . . . . . ....
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marval
I went into B&Q and asked a member of staff, “Where can I find some hammers, nails, a bag of cement, and a trowel?” “They are all under ‘Construction’,” she answered. “Oh, well where...
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retrocop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX3R42yIZHU...
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Patsy33
I swallowed a piece of my new chess set. It tasted horrible! So I took it back to shop. I told manager it tasted awful, he said, "What do you mean? I said, "It's stale mate" He said, "Don't be so...
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marval
I am still working in an antique shop. There is nothing new there. I have been out of work for six months. Does anyone know a good locksmith? I was steering my boat the other day with my stomach...
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maggiebee
A stitch in time saves nine.......................what?
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Canary42
It's so funny to see the Brexiteers going orgasmic over the results of an election for a body we will shortly have nothing to do with. It just shows how warped their thinking is. I just hope the new...
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Patsy33
My friend asked what was the secret of our happy marriage. I replied, "Chemistry, I take Prozac and husband takes Valium"....
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marval
My friend and I were arguing on a sky diving plane the other day, anyway I fell out with him. My friend recently had a nasty accident with a lawnmower. They had to do a com-post mortem. My partner and...
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marval
Apple are working on an electronic seeing device for the Navy. It is called the iEye Captain....
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Patsy33
My dad's sister walked into the room spinning around. I though to myself, "Oh my giddy Aunt!".....
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marval
Quasimodo retired last week. He got two years back pay and a lump sum....
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maggiebee
It takes a good year to eat a tyre.
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Patsy33
A chicken came up to me and asked if I'd seen her eggs. I told her she'd probably mislaid them.....
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marval
The Irish have just created a new parachute. It opens on impact. I just stole 1p off of a pirate. He became irate. I am worried about my budgie at home, while I have been away he hasn’t tweeted...
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maggiebee
My hubby said earlier he was going to borrow £10,000 for a gastric band. I said "Here's a fiver, get a padlock for the fridge."...

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