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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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spathiphyllum
The new Samsung fridge is so smart, it sends a message to your phone if you've left the door open. Me, an intellectual: If it's so smart, why doesn't it just shut its own door ?...
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Patsy33
A man was found dead in a vat of falafel condiment. Police are treating it as a hummuscide.
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Patsy33
A streaker was found dead this morning. Police say the details are quite revealing.
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Canary42
A newsagent shop which is [i] moving [i] premises has the word "STATIONARY" scribed on the new shop front....
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Canary42
https://uk.yahoo.com/style/woman-snaps-date-refuses-pay-99-food-bill-133510610.html...
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marval
When I found out that all the fish at my holiday home in Florida were being eaten by a heron, I got the phone number of a local hunter and organised for him to kill it. Just before I hung up the phone...
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albaqwerty
the first one off the boat was called Ahmere second one: Ahmere Azwell third one Ahmere Azwell Azhim...
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Patsy33
Can anyone tell me which page of the bible shows how to turn water into wine? Just asking for a friend......
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Khandro
No olive or twist.
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Patsy33
Waiter: "How would you like your steak sir?" Sir: "Like winning an argument with my wife" Waiter: "Rare it is then Sir"...
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Canary42
Jacob Rees-Mogg says he won't go to a Vegan Restaurant because they still haven't forgiven him for eating the last dodo. [courtesy HIGNFY]...
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spathiphyllum
An English man, a Scotsman, a Welshman and a Northern Irishman all walk into a bar... The English man wanted to leave so they all had to....
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spathiphyllum
Don't you think it's weird how we think we wash our own hands.. But in fact they just wash each other and we stand and watch?...
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maggiebee
Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners but catscan Turning vegan would be a big missed steak Well, to be Frank I’d have to change my name Our mountains aren’t just funny, they’re hill areas Life is...
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Patsy33
My wife is leaving me. She said she's fed up with my obsession with food. I pleaded with her, "Oh lamb chop, don't be like that, you silly sausage! Don't you think this is a trifle over the top?"...
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marval
Did you hear about the vegetarian cannibal? He only eats Swedes. The man who owns Specsavers must be a very busy person, He has got loads of Contacts. My friend and I were arguing about the vertebral...
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Patsy33
Just listened to Fridge Over Troubled Water. Cool song!...
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marval
It was my first day working as a pilot today. I got off to a flier. I don’t fancy the new gastro pub that’s just opened near us. I think the name, “Entiritis” is putting me off. I once got...
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bhg481
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/4zPVvmSPfsPMV3TjkHg16sD/50-hilarious-cuttings-from-the-news-quiz...
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Patsy33
Murphy says to Paddy, " Why are you talking into that envelope?" Paddy replies, "I'm sending a voice message"...

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