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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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tonyav
I ordered some used playing cards from the casino, I phoned them to ask when I can expect a delivery they said that they were still dealing with my order.
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marval
A man walks into a doctor’s office and the doctor sits him down. “OK what is your problem sir?” “I am half deaf” he replied “That’s ridiculous! You can’t be half deaf!There is no such...
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Patsy33
When Lord Nelson died, he was 5 feet tall. His statue in London is 15 feet tall. That's Horatio of 3:1.
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Patsy33
I use to think that sticks and stones can break my bones, but words could never hurt me. Until I fell into a printing press..
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Grandpappy
If I don't buy a tv licence and they fine, then prosecute me and I go to jail,how much will that cost the government?
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Chipchopper
I threw out my old vacuum cleaner today.......well it was only collecting dust!...
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marval
I was having a conversation with the window cleaner today when my partner said, “It is not normal to talk to a bottle of cillit bang.” I am being sued over copyright issues after the naming of my...
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Patsy33
Why are you single, I've been asked. "You're intelligent, attractive, caring and creative" I reply, "I'm over qualified"...
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maggiebee
Last night I dreamed that I'd written The Lord of the Rings I was Tolkien in my sleep...
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maggiebee
I bought my wife a new fridge. Her face lit up when she opened it.
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maggiebee
I looked up the word opaque. The answer wasn't very clear.
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marval
BBC News: Internet Explorer users have a lower IQ says a study by Google Chrome. A guy came up to me the other day and said I ought to stop making so many cutlery-based puns. I told him to fork off. I...
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Patsy33
I don't understand how a cemetery can raise the cost of funerals and blame it on the cost of living!...
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maggiebee
Just for the record, a person born in 33 was 45 in 78.
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maggiebee
Ooooohh I've finally discovered what's wrong with my brain. On the left side, there's nothing right On the right side, there's nothing left...
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Canary42
See the cartoons in the attached. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-48547558...
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maggiebee
It's not a hangover, it's wine flu.
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New Judge
Two young women are in a trendy restaurant enjoying a business lunch. One of them drops her spoon on the floor and she summons a waiter. “I’m dreadfully sorry, I’ve dropped my spoon. Could I...
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spathiphyllum
A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet...
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-SharonA-
Husband was sunbathing in the nude when he got sunburn on his Willy. He went to the doctors who recommended bathing it in cold milk His wife came home from work just as he was sitting there with his...

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