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Hymie

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Hymie
A man walks into a large crowded city centre pub, desperate to have a dump. Seeing a sign directing patrons up a flight of stairs to the toilets – he ascends the stairs as quickly as his condition...
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Hymie
A black-jack dealer and player with a 13 count in his hand were discussing whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said that when he was dealt a bad hand it was not the...
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Hymie
An elderly patient visited Dr. Squad’s surgery to get the results of recent medical tests. As the patient sat down he noticed the grave look on Dr. Squad’s face. ‘Some bad news, I’m afraid.’ announces...
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Hymie
A young woman attended Dr. Squad’s surgery and said ‘I’ve got a problem, I’ll need to undress to show you.’ Dr. Squad directed her behind a screen where she could undress. After removing her dress,...
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Hymie
My psychiatrist helped me a lot, but I had to kill him – he just knew too much....
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Hymie
A young lad had a job bagging groceries at the supermarket. One day the shop got a flashy new machine for squeezing juice out of fresh fruit. Because of the potential danger to customers, someone from...
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Hymie
Q: What does a woman have two of that a cow has four of? A: Feet...
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Hymie
Manager to interviewee: ‘For this job we need someone who is responsible.’ Interviewee to manager: ‘I’m you man then – in my last job, whenever anything went wrong I was responsible.’...
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Hymie
Excuse me, but can I push your stool up for you?
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Hymie
A woman went to see her psychiatrist saying that she was concerned; yesterday she had found her daughter and the little boy next door together naked, examining each other’s bodies and giggling. The...
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Hymie
Did you hear about the devil-worshipping dyslexic, who sold his soul to Santa?
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Hymie
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A: A stick Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: A stick...
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Hymie
A biker appeared in court to testify on behalf of a friend. The prosecuting lawyer asked him, ‘Isn’t it true that you have been paid £5,000 to throw this case?’ The biker calmly ignored the question,...
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Hymie
A student delivered a pizza to old Ken’s home – on taking delivery, Ken asked ‘What is the usual tip I should be giving you?’ ‘Well,’ replied the student ‘this is the first time I have delivered to...
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Hymie
Q: How do you confuse an idiot? A: 26...
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Hymie
A man calls his lawyer and asks: ‘How much would you charge to answer three questions?’ ‘£400.’ replies the lawyer. ‘Oh!’, exclaims the man, ‘that’s a lot of money, isn’t it?’ ‘I guess so’ replies the...
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Hymie
Q: What do you call a lady with one leg shorter than the other? A: Eileen. Q: What do you call a Chinese lady with one leg shorter than the other? A: Irene. Q: What do you call a lady with both legs...
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Hymie
A married couple were lying in bed, the husband feeling horny, reached over and nudged his wife. ‘What do you want?’ she asked. ‘You know what.’ He said. ‘Can’t.’ She replied, adding ‘I have an...
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Hymie
A young priest had arranged to stay at a motel for one night; on checking in he took a fancy to the young receptionist. A while later the priest invited the receptionist to his room for a drink. While...

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