Technology0 min ago
My car broke down today. So I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine.
He said: "Hello sir, you are very handsome and a very smart dresser too."
I could see the problem straight... ...
He said: "Hello sir, you are very handsome and a very smart dresser too."
I could see the problem straight... ...
As I was sitting around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.... ...
The prison officer tells the warden, “Sir, I have to report that ten prisoners have broken out.” The alarmed warden says, “Blow the whistles, sound the alarms, alert the police!" With a surprised... ...
There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting. 85% of women think their ass has grown too big since getting married. 10% of women think their ass is just as... ...
I am comforted by porcelain gnomes. In a way they're like my garden angels.
___ The UK economy is so bad that :If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if... ...
___ The UK economy is so bad that :If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if... ...
A man tried to sell me a magazine on the High Street.
Bit annoying but not really a Big Issue.
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I’ve just witnessed a flying saucer.
Now my wife’s throwing the cup as well!
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I want to know why my... ...
Bit annoying but not really a Big Issue.
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I’ve just witnessed a flying saucer.
Now my wife’s throwing the cup as well!
___
I want to know why my... ...
My belly-dancing teacher was struggling to fit me in for a lesson this week but luckily she said she could jiggle a few things around!
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at... ...
A man arrives at the repair shop to pick-up his watch.
Clerk: "I haven't finished repairing it yet. just give me a few more minutes.
Man: "Sure, no problem."
The man goes and stands right next to the... ...
Clerk: "I haven't finished repairing it yet. just give me a few more minutes.
Man: "Sure, no problem."
The man goes and stands right next to the... ...
Found one of my pet fish sleeping at the bottom of the tank - I think it's a kipper!
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For the first time in 10 years I have a clean licence.
Pity it’s inside the washing machine.
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Thinking of... ...
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For the first time in 10 years I have a clean licence.
Pity it’s inside the washing machine.
___
Thinking of... ...
Two kids were deciding what game to play. One said, “Let’s play doctor.”
“Good idea,” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.”
___ John looked up to see his mother-in-law walking toward the front... ...
“Good idea,” said the other. “You operate, and I’ll sue.”
___ John looked up to see his mother-in-law walking toward the front... ...
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A guy turned up for a guided walk with cans of Guinness strapped to his feet. Well, He said the leaflet said "stout footwear recommended"
A man approaches a member of staff at the supermarket and asks: - Excuse me madam, which is the best stuff for removing stains in the bathroom? Ammonia cleaner, came the sharp reply. Man: Sorry... ...
Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?
A: They got married in the spring.
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Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious... ...
A: They got married in the spring.
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Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious... ...
In my job with a delivery company, I was getting directions to a customer's home. The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the centre of town go two lights. Look for the post... ...
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The... ...
We were so poor growing up, my Mum sent me next door with a button, to ask them to sew a shirt on it.
There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he... ...
Last night, my wife and her friends went to a Ladies Night Club: One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a £10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend... ...
