Labour's Lead Evaporating.....
News0 min ago
A guy walks into a library and cuts 2" off his trouser leg and puts it between the pages of a book. He took it to the librarian, to which she exclaimed, well that's a turn up for the books!
.. Beavers don't own fridges https:/
I asked a supermarket assistant where they kept the tinned peaches. He said "I'll see" and walked away. I asked another and he also said "I'll see" and walked away. In the end I gave up and found... ...
I dig, you dig, we dig,
he digs, she digs, they dig.
It's not a beautiful poem, but it is very deep.
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The wife said 'lets go out and have some fun tonight'.....
I replied 'okay - but if you are home... ...
he digs, she digs, they dig.
It's not a beautiful poem, but it is very deep.
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The wife said 'lets go out and have some fun tonight'.....
I replied 'okay - but if you are home... ...
There was an accident earlier and a Vicks Vaporub lorry overturned on the M25. Nobody was injured but apparently there was no congestion for hours... ; )
My friend decided to get a face tattoo of his favourite Star Wars character. You should've seen the Luke on his face..
If you have a breakdown in an electric car you can still use the AA. However if it’s a small electric car you have to use the AAA.
What is a doctor who specializes in Adam's apples called.
A guyneckologist.
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Had a really bad dose of flu, sore throat, total memory loss.
I was hoarse with no name.
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Quizmaster - Where is Santa... ...
A guyneckologist.
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Had a really bad dose of flu, sore throat, total memory loss.
I was hoarse with no name.
___
Quizmaster - Where is Santa... ...
Just seen Michael Caine's list for his Christmas LP of favourite 60s bands ... He's only gone and left the bloody Doors off!
As I was strolling along the promenade, I noticed a seagull with a crab claw lengthways in its beak. I thought to myself, toucan play at this game!
Charlie Sheen is American. Michael Sheen is British. Mr Sheen is Polish!
A man claiming he is Jesus is brought into a mental hospital... He is asked, "Why do you think you are Jesus?"
He replies, "God told me so!"
Immediately, the patient behind him stands up and shouts,... ...
He replies, "God told me so!"
Immediately, the patient behind him stands up and shouts,... ...
My daughter rang me last night and the conversation went like this.
Her: "You know that Gladiator movie I bought you for Christmas?"
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "Wind it forward one hour, sixteen minutes and 28... ...
Her: "You know that Gladiator movie I bought you for Christmas?"
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "Wind it forward one hour, sixteen minutes and 28... ...
Can anyone solve a ditloid that's been bugging me for the last 24 hours. 90 = N on a F P of S B T
God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth."
Angel: "What are you going to do now?"
God: "Call it a day."
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A guy walks into a bar and there is a horse... ...
Angel: "What are you going to do now?"
God: "Call it a day."
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A guy walks into a bar and there is a horse... ...
Why was Billy Joel's laundry still wet? 🎵'He didnt start the drier'🎵
The handyman I employed was supposed to finish a list of things, but only did numbers 1, 3, 5 and 7. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
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Who else would like to see a puppet show without the... ...
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Who else would like to see a puppet show without the... ...
Our 26-year-old son moved back home with the idea to stock away money to buy a posh bungalow. We never bothered asking how long he'd planned to stay, but I got a pretty good idea when I walked... ...
My mate set me up with a blind date. He said "She's a lovely lass, but there's something you should know.......she's expecting a baby." I felt a right prat waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a... ...
HOW TO CLEAN YOUR TOILET:
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In... ...
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In... ...
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