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Voltage

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Voltage

At The Italian!

The waiter at our local italian restaurant asked if "would you like some fresh ground pepper on your pasta". "OK" I replied. "Tell me when". "Well Before I eat it would be nice"....
15:20 Mon 02nd Jul 20182 answers, last by Shaglene 16:39 Mon 02nd Jul 2018
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Voltage

Kamikase

Last night was the 1st kamikaze pilot’s reunion dinner. .....but no one showed up....
08:33 Mon 02nd Jul 20188 answers, last by Patsy33 12:01 Mon 02nd Jul 2018
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Weather?

When it's sunny I think 'Beer garden.' When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while. When it's snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of Beer. I'm starting to think I have a real...
00:24 Sun 01st Jul 20184 answers, last by Patsy33 12:38 Sun 01st Jul 2018
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Have You?

Have you been hit with a rhythm stick? If so You may be entitled to personal Ian Dury compensation....
16:42 Fri 29th Jun 20182 answers, last by murraymints 10:49 Mon 02nd Jul 2018
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Paddy Wants A Car Loan!

Paddy wants a car loan and walks into Barclays. Bank Cashier: "Sorry Mr Murphy but the Loan Arranger is on a course today Paddy: "Fek!!... What about Tonto is he about?"...
20:41 Wed 27th Jun 20185 answers, last by DTCwordfan 21:41 Wed 27th Jun 2018
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Lego!

My mate has swallowed some Lego. The doctor's aren't too worried, but he's shiitting bricks....
07:37 Wed 27th Jun 20184 answers, last by Shaglene 15:10 Sat 30th Jun 2018
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Ladies Cricket!

Well I've just been along to see the ladies cricket team for the first time. Glad I did... There was a woman bowler with big boobs, who took long run-ups ..what a bowler! You should have seen her...
16:08 Mon 25th Jun 20181 answer, last by Shaglene 15:13 Sat 30th Jun 2018
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So....!

So Julie the Sultana has been cheating on her husband with Steve the Raisin. Just tho you I'd keep you up to date with currant affairs....
17:18 Sat 23rd Jun 20189 answers, last by Spicerack 19:02 Sat 23rd Jun 2018
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Scotland..world Cup!

The nearest Scotland will get to another World Cup is if Iran played Brunei and the scoreboard said IRN - BRU!! :-) :-)...
17:00 Fri 22nd Jun 201811 answers, last by tonyav 23:38 Fri 22nd Jun 2018
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Been Warned!

My wife warned me not to keep stealing kitchen utensils. But it’s a whisk I’m willing to take....
15:40 Fri 22nd Jun 20187 answers, last by Voltage 17:29 Sat 23rd Jun 2018
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A Busker!

I just left the train station and a busker just ran up to me and said he was going to beat me with the neck of his guitar! I said, is that a fret?...
13:23 Thu 21st Jun 20189 answers, last by Shaglene 15:26 Sat 30th Jun 2018
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Knock On My Door!

The police knocked on my door this evening. "Where were you around 8:05 last night sir?" asked the officer. "Funny you should ask," I replied. "I took the wife upstairs at 8 pm to make love." "That's...
11:12 Thu 21st Jun 20183 answers, last by marval 17:39 Thu 21st Jun 2018
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My Wife ..again!

My wife says she’s leaving me as she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy. Jeez What planet is she on?...
11:18 Tue 19th Jun 20181 answer, last by Patsy33 13:03 Tue 19th Jun 2018
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Two Lions!

I saw two male lions having sex in the local zoo... I thought jeeeze have they got no pride....
16:28 Mon 18th Jun 20186 answers, last by Chipchopper 18:20 Mon 18th Jun 2018
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World Cup Tonight ....england V Tunisia

England v Tunisia tonight any thoughts on the score? I'm going for 0-0 bore draw!...
16:21 Mon 18th Jun 201890 answers, last by Cloverjo 00:33 Tue 19th Jun 2018
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Cluedo !!

Just bought Cluedo "Swingers Edition"... Turns out they all did it... In every room!...
13:30 Sat 16th Jun 20184 answers, last by marval 17:15 Sat 16th Jun 2018
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Sat Next To Me On The Train !

This guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.” He...
10:10 Thu 14th Jun 20186 answers, last by Bazile 22:00 Thu 14th Jun 2018
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I'm In A&e!

Sat in A&E at the hospital right now after burning my feet badly. All I wanted was some hot dog sausages. Instructions on the tin said, 'Stand in a saucepan of boiling water for 2 minutes........'...
17:39 Wed 13th Jun 20187 answers, last by Chipchopper 08:56 Thu 14th Jun 2018
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World Cup!

I gave my wife £200 and told her to go out on Thursday and leave me in peace to watch the World Cup. "I won't need that much," she laughed. "You will," I said. "It's got to last you five weeks."...
15:32 Mon 11th Jun 20185 answers, last by Shaglene 15:23 Tue 12th Jun 2018
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My Wedding Night!

I remember my wedding night, my missus got undressed and lay out spreadeagled on the bed. She said "You know what I want don't you"? I replied "Yes, by the looks of it, the whole bloody bed"...
21:00 Fri 08th Jun 201815 answers, last by Arksided 16:02 Sun 10th Jun 2018

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