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Voltage

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All packed up for move tomorrow morning. ..weather report looks dismal rain rain and more rain! So if anyone knows a non-rain dance ...get dancing;-) please!...
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Got phone call this morning FIL taken turn for the worse in hospital so we got up there asap....he has been in there for 4 weeks ...the utter shock of seeing how he had deteriorated to absolutely...
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Wife's desktop.... lately her keyboard keeps changing from gb to us settings why? It's easy enough to change it back to gb settings but I don't understand why it keeps doing it?...
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I've Just broken two of my dads old Queen records! Now I want to break three....
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My mate's just not the same since he almost drowned in a vat of lemon juice.. It's left him very bitter....
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Did you hear about the blind circumcisionist surgeon ? He got the sack!...
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It was my wife's 50th birthday today and she's been trying to convince everyone that age hasn't taken it's toll. "Look!" She gasped. "I can still touch my toes!" "That's great hun" I said. "Though I'm...
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After 19 months of being told that our house is to be knocked down (highways England compulsory purchase order)today finally we exchanged contracts and are at last moving next Thursday.. if I never...
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HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine & dine her, buy her gifts, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support...
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If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced. That's why people with no sense of humour have an increased sense of self-importance....
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google wont let me use fortnight for my password....its two week!
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I've just arrived in Australia to surprise my fiancée. She's in London and the wedding's tomorrow....
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At weddings old people always poke me and say you'll be next! It's so annoying!... so.. I've started doing the same to them at funerals....
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i'm looking for songs to do with fish? let minnow if you know any!...
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I helped my suicidal friend by throwing him in front of a train. He was chuffed to bits....
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My wife left a note on the fridge, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore, I'm going to my mums house!" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold. What is she talking about?...
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Two men dressed in armour walk into a hotel and walk up to the receptionist. One asks 'A room for two knights please...
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I'm looking at starting up my own business recycling discarded chewing gum. I just need help getting it off the ground......!!...
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They all mocked me when I told them one day I would learn the secret of invisibility. If only they could see me now!...
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Got a brown envelope through the door this morning that said ‘Do not bend!’ I thought "How the hell am I going to pick that up then?"...

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