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Voltage

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Voltage
A woman has a vaginal tuck, wakes up to see 3 bunches of flowers in her room. One from the doctor with the message "Every thing went well". The second bunch was from her husband "Get well soon" and...
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Voltage
This morning I went to a meeting of my Premature Ejaculation Support Group. The receptionist told me "sorry Mr volty it's tomorrow you came to early" Ok I said "I'll come again tomorrow "...
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Raised hundreds of pounds at my Bronchitis Support charity event last night. Everyone coughed up...
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'I'm sick of you teasing me about my weight,' my wife snapped as she walked out the door. 'Please don't go' I pleaded. 'Think of our baby' 'What baby?' she said. 'You're not pregnant ??...
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I told a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Go on" she said, "Try then" After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and...
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Q. Why did the New Zealand farmer become a Muslim? A. Because he really loves ‘islamb....
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I hate my job as a waiter. But i suppose it puts food on the table....
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I just went back to subways and said to the girl behind the counter "I just bought a sandwich from you and two teeth fell out" She said " you must have bit down to hard on your sandwich" I said "their...
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My mate set me up on a blind date. He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby." I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a...
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My blonde wife’s car got stolen while she was out the other day. I said ,“Were you able to see what the guy looked like?” She replied, “No, but I got the license plate number!”...
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I really wish Beyonce had married Roy Castle....
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I just got home from seeing my doctor. I tried to tell him I'm suffering from schizophernia. But he didn't listen. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself!...
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Since my wife left, I've bought a motorcycle, drugs and am currently in bed with two prostitutes. She's going to kill me when she comes home from work....
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My 16 year old daughter asked me, what was the best form of contraception? My reply was: “A tic tac.” She said: The mints? How will a tic tac stop me getting pregnant? I said: “you hold it...
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My wife told me that she used to be Christian. "That's not a problem " I told her. "Thanks" she said I'm much happier being a Christine now!!...
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Sometimes I hide my wife's inhaler... The neighbours think I'm a stud when they hear her panting heavily "give it to me!"...
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Guys, be careful. there is a new scam going on. Two girls ......one comes to you and has sex with you whilst the other one steals all of your money. I have been robbed 13 times, so stay safe...
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The other day I held a seminar on how to withhold orgasms. what a waste of my time.... Nobody came....
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I bought a battery powered clock today. When I got home, I noticed that they had given me the wrong one. I thought "This is a wind up!"...
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To the person who stole all my anti depressants I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW !!!...

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