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Voltage

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Voltage
If the wife ever pulls a knife out on you during an argument, pull out some bread, butter and cheese. Her instincts will kick in and she'll make you a sandwich....
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Voltage
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my Wife's bra off, I decided to give up, I wish I'd never put it on now....
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I have an intense fear of speed bumps. But I'm slowly getting over it....
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I’m getting sick and tired of people saying that I sit around all the time, doing nothing. I’ve decided I’m not going to stand for it....
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It only costs 1p to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin. So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!...
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My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension... She said she just couldn't take it any longer....
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Feeling down in the dumps, overweight, Unfit, thinking you're getting old, got aches and pains, stiff back? Well just park in a disabled bay at Tesco and everyone will be sure to tell you there's fek...
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My Insomnia is awful. On the plus side, only three more sleeps until Christmas....
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I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me....
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Got back from the pub last night and whispered to my wife, "I'm sleeping in the spare room tonight darling." "Ahh that's sweet of you," she said, "you're drunk and don't want to disturb me?" "No, I've...
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I have a dog with no legs he's named cigarette. First thing, every morning, I take him out for a drag....
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I have sex daily Sorry, I meant dyslexia....
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Just back from holiday in Thailand & came close to shagging a ladyboy! Looked like a lady, walked & talked like a lady, kissed like a lady. Was only when she drove me to her place & reversed the car...
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I took mrs volty to a disco the other night, and there was a man on the dance floor, moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. Mrs volty turns to me and & sighs "You see that man? 25 years...
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Cant make my mind up could go either way this one ... So had 2 bets £5 France to win 2-1 @10/1 £5 Belgium to win 2-1 @11/1 Let's hope it a cracking game!...
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There was a young barmaid from Sale On her chest was the prices of ale And on her behind, for the sake of the blind Was the same information in braille...
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CNN News Flash: A man in Florida shot off his own penis after tucking a handgun into his belt. He shouldn't have had it cocked.!!!...
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Just got back from the doctors suffering with sunburn...the doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him "pasteurized?" he said.. "No, just up to your neck." He...
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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and sulked for bloody ages!! After that, we never played Monopoly again....
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I've just bought some new velcro shoes. Totally useless..... What a rip off!...

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