A woman has a vaginal tuck, wakes up to see 3 bunches of flowers in her room. One from the doctor with the message "Every thing went well". The second bunch was from her husband "Get well soon" and...
This morning I went to a meeting of my Premature Ejaculation Support Group.
The receptionist told me "sorry Mr volty it's tomorrow you came to early"
Ok I said "I'll come again tomorrow "...
'I'm sick of you teasing me about my weight,' my wife snapped as she walked out the door.
'Please don't go' I pleaded. 'Think of our baby'
'What baby?' she said.
'You're not pregnant ??...
I told a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Go on" she said, "Try then" After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and...
I just went back to subways and said to the girl behind the counter "I just bought a sandwich from you and two teeth fell out" She said " you must have bit down to hard on your sandwich" I said "their...
My mate set me up on a blind date. He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby." I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a...
My blonde wife’s car got stolen while she was out the other day.
I said ,“Were you able to see what the guy looked like?”
She replied, “No, but I got the license plate number!”...
I just got home from seeing my doctor.
I tried to tell him I'm suffering from schizophernia.
But he didn't listen.
Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself!...
Since my wife left, I've bought a motorcycle, drugs and am currently in bed with two prostitutes.
She's going to kill me when she comes home from work....
My 16 year old daughter asked me, what was the best form of contraception? My reply was: “A tic tac.” She said: The mints? How will a tic tac stop me getting pregnant? I said: “you hold it...
Guys, be careful. there is a new scam going on. Two girls ......one comes to you and has sex with you whilst the other one steals all of your money.
I have been robbed 13 times, so stay safe...
