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Voltage

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Voltage
I was having trouble with my computer at work so I called IT Support... He said, "Have you tried disabling cookies?" I said, "Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man?"...
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My wife told me she's getting fed up with my obsession with Kit-Kats. I suggested we take a break...
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I'm not getting anywhere on my dates so should I swallow a magnet to make me more attractive?...
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Apparently the Queen is really angry that her new chair has been made of jelly.... She’s throne a wobbly......
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The police just came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5. I told them nursery school....
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If you're here for the yodelling class, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.
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My new business 'Cooking With Herbs' is in trouble. The bank has called in the Bayleafs....
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I've got a joke about construction.I tell you later I'm still working on it....
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My wife spent an hour and a half getting ready to go out last night. Finally the bathroom door opened and she said, "Do l look fat in this?" I said, "Yes, but to be fair it is a small bathroom."...
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I got pulled over by a policeman last night on my drive home. He said 'This is a spot check' I said I've got 2 blackheads on my nose and a boil on my bum!!...
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"I've just built a model of Mount Everest" "Is it to scale?" the wife asked "No, just to look at".... jeez!!...
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After i lost the house, I slipped into deep depression and ended up trying to take my life. As I lay in my hospital bed, my wife said: 'I'm never taking you to Bingo again !!!'...
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I cannot believe I've been banned from Lidl. The checkout girl said 'strip down facing me'. How was I supposed to know she was on about my credit card ???...
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A man with a stutter died in prison today. He couldn't even finish that sentence !!!...
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Where do vegetarians go on holiday? Quornwall....
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i was asked to organise an event for people with Erectile Dysfunction. turned out to be a complete flop....
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My wife left me because of my obsession with The Fonz. Happy days......!!!!...
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i need an energy performance certificate for my house been quoted £55 is that about the right price?...
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I answered the phone a little while ago. No one said anything all I heard was coughing and sneezing. I hate cold callers....
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My mate asked me 'What is vertigo?' I replied 'Its asking for directions in Germany'...

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