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Voltage

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Voltage

Mount Everest

"I've just built a model of Mount Everest" "Is it to scale?" the wife asked "No, just to look at".... jeez!!...
14:10 Wed 18th Apr 20186 answers, last by dineshbh 07:59 Mon 14th Feb 2022
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Deep Depression!

After i lost the house, I slipped into deep depression and ended up trying to take my life. As I lay in my hospital bed, my wife said: 'I'm never taking you to Bingo again !!!'...
17:26 Tue 17th Apr 20186 answers, last by jerryvbarr 21:11 Mon 18th Jun 2018
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Banned From Lidl.!

I cannot believe I've been banned from Lidl. The checkout girl said 'strip down facing me'. How was I supposed to know she was on about my credit card ???...
17:15 Tue 17th Apr 201822 answers, last by Voltage 18:26 Tue 17th Apr 2018
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A Man With A Stutter!

A man with a stutter died in prison today. He couldn't even finish that sentence !!!...
17:09 Tue 17th Apr 20188 answers, last by Patsy33 17:24 Tue 17th Apr 2018
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Vegetarians !!

Where do vegetarians go on holiday? Quornwall....
14:53 Tue 17th Apr 201823 answers, last by marval 18:16 Tue 17th Apr 2018
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Organise An Event!

i was asked to organise an event for people with Erectile Dysfunction. turned out to be a complete flop....
10:29 Tue 17th Apr 20184 answers, last by marval 14:37 Tue 17th Apr 2018
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My Wife!

My wife left me because of my obsession with The Fonz. Happy days......!!!!...
18:08 Mon 16th Apr 20183 answers, last by Patsy33 19:35 Mon 16th Apr 2018
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Energy Performance Certificate

i need an energy performance certificate for my house been quoted £55 is that about the right price?...
14:04 Mon 16th Apr 20186 answers, last by Voltage 23:58 Wed 18th Apr 2018
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Phone Call!

I answered the phone a little while ago. No one said anything all I heard was coughing and sneezing. I hate cold callers....
12:18 Mon 16th Apr 20182 answers, last by marval 20:05 Mon 16th Apr 2018
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Vertigo!

My mate asked me 'What is vertigo?' I replied 'Its asking for directions in Germany'...
19:23 Sun 15th Apr 20187 answers, last by Patsy33 20:30 Sun 15th Apr 2018
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Waving!

Today I saw someone waving frantically at me but I wasn't sure if they were waving at me or someone behind me. I've just been sacked from my job apparently I'm the worst lifeguard they've ever...
20:44 Sat 14th Apr 20188 answers, last by Togo 21:27 Sat 14th Apr 2018
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Yachts

I've just started a yacht selling business in my attic. Sales are going through the roof!...
19:28 Sat 14th Apr 201819 answers, last by tonyav 20:34 Sat 14th Apr 2018
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Lost In Space

Just watched the 1st episode of the new "lost in space" 1st done in (6os n 70s) via Netflix thought it was excellent will definitely watch rest of series...
18:48 Sat 14th Apr 201817 answers, last by TheChair 22:28 Sat 14th Apr 2018
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Sunbathing!

i was Sunbathing on the beach, the wife came up to me asked what I thought of her flip flops? Bloody horrible I said "Put your bikini top back on"...
19:52 Thu 12th Apr 20185 answers, last by Patsy33 20:12 Thu 12th Apr 2018
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Hypnotist Show!

Me and the wife went to a hypnotist show last night . He got 7 people up on stage as he hypnotised them he dropped the microphone on his big toe he screamed out " f**ck me" well after seeing what...
15:46 Thu 12th Apr 20184 answers, last by jno 19:01 Thu 12th Apr 2018
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Coffee Shop!

I Just quit my job at the local coffee shop! ....because day after day it was the same old grind.
13:20 Thu 12th Apr 201820 answers, last by Hopkirk 12:12 Fri 13th Apr 2018
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Paddy And Murphy !

Paddy and Murphy come across a girl whose bike has a flat tire... Murphy leaves Paddy to help her and goes on his way. A few hours later, Paddy passes Murphy on the girl's bike. "What the fek...
10:42 Thu 12th Apr 20184 answers, last by Bazile 18:27 Thu 12th Apr 2018
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Paddy Was Drunk!

Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about...
10:33 Thu 12th Apr 20184 answers, last by spathiphyllum 11:27 Thu 12th Apr 2018
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Cartoonist!

A cartoonist was found dead in an apartment. Police are not sure how he died details are sketchy.
07:33 Thu 12th Apr 201815 answers, last by marval 22:45 Thu 12th Apr 2018
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A Drunk Appears In Front Of A Judge!

A drunk appears in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk, a bit surprised, says, "Okay, i'll have a large gin n tonic then!"...
17:30 Wed 11th Apr 201810 answers, last by Voltage 20:29 Wed 11th Apr 2018

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