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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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piggynose
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZy02_OFErk ...
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Rondy
A lady asked me if I would paint her in the nude. I said “ If you don’t mind I will keep my socks on otherwise I will have nowhere to keep my brushes!”
___ So the other day I threw a ball for my... ...
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Rondy
A married couple were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she... ...
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Rondy
Just seen a fight between an Auctioneer and a Hairdresser..
They were going at it hammer and tongs.
___

A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics.... ...
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Chipchopper
A friend asked me, "what's it like to be standing in a hole filled with water?" I know he means well. Thanks, Tony B
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Canary42
WARNING: No actual offensive words so hopefully won't be removed under site rules, but overall a bit risqué so stay away if you're sensitive to smut. https://ibb.co/P616jm5 ...
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Rondy
Can't believe my dad lost his job as a roadworker for stealing from them.
But when I went to see him last night all the signs were there.
___ I tried blindfold archery. You should try it, you don't... ...
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Canary42
I'll get you facebook-haters converted yet 😃   😃   😃   😃    https://ibb.co/yBxfZZk   ...
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melv16
Has converted to Islam and has opened a butchers shop in Leicester.  He's called the business..Halal is it meat you're looking for...
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Chipchopper
A van, carrying a load of Vick's sinex nasal spray, turned over on the motorway yesterday and shed its load. Amazingly the road was free of congestion for eight hours! 😄
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Rondy
I once gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he had ever read.
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Rondy
These bear hunters were sitting around the cabin the night before the hunt bragging about their past hunts.
The cabin boy was listening and went over and said "you guys make it seem pretty hard on... ...
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Rondy
Sad news. The man who devised the M&S food ads has died…

He will be cremated tomorrow in an applewood and mesquite fire with blistered marshmallows and charred Madagascan vanilla pods! This is not... ...
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Rondy
A husband and wife had a big argument. Frustrated and fed up, the wife called up her mum and said, "We fought again, I can't do this anymore. I am coming to live with you."

Mum said, "No darling,... ...
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maggiebee
I bought a wig for £1 today It was a small price toupee    
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Rondy
So I was in the chemist lab and I said to the assistant, “What gets rid of germs?”
She said, "Ammonia cleaner."
I said, "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...” ___ Man in jewellers: I need a potato... ...
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Rondy
Just had a Jeovah witness man at my house, he rang the bell, I answered the Door I invited him in, I asked if wanted a drink, he just sat there never said a word, I said OK what's next, he replied......
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Rondy
Why did the homeowner not sue when he fell in the driveway?
It was his own asphalt!
___ I found 5 ants in my front room yesterday today found 5 more apparently they are now tenants. ___
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Patsy33
I threw a ball for my dog today ! He looks great in a tuxedo
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Rondy
The clerk asked me, "Cash, cheque or card?" after ringing up my purchase. As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse. "Do you always carry your TV... ...

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