Questions That Should Be Stricken From...
Film, Media & TV2 mins ago
The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a...
Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me.
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
I'll get my coat!...
A woman walks into her accountant's office, telling him she needs to file her taxes for the financial year. "Fine," the accountant says to his client, "but before we begin, I'll need to ask a few...
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. "It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down High street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying...
My son crawled for the first time while I was away on business. I also missed his first steps. I was now afraid I would miss his first words. Each day, I called home and asked if he had spoken yet....
I don't like to brag about my wealth obviously.. But yesterday, I had the heating on for an hour.
how this ended up in Jobs, who knows, when I had requested Jokes..... June, who had a rich sense of humour apparently 'Did you hear about the guy that escaped from the Lambeth Mental Hospital and went...
Shaun and Paddy are having a lunchtime session in the pub. "Any money on you?" Paddy asks. "No pal, I'm skint." replied Shaun. "I know." says Paddy. Mt house is just around the corner, lets nip and...
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset. "What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked. "I had to...
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience,...
Each time the man visits this bar he has a little white box with him. The lady bartender is finally overcome with interest, and ask: "What's in the box?" To which he replies "The most amazing frog...
Niece: "Uncle, your landlady told me that you weren't fit to live with pigs!" Uncle: "What did you say?"
Niece: "Oh, I stuck up for you -- I said you were!"...
105 year old lady's advice to us all. "For better digestion I drink beer. In case of appetite loss I drink white wine. In case of low blood pressure I drink red wine. In case of high blood pressure I...
A guy, Aaron was laying down carpet in some woman's home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however,...
Pharmacist to customer: "Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription... simply showing your marriage certificate and wife's picture is not enough"....
A lady was filling her tank at a petrol station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands. But it also lit...
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the night time. Instead of making any official requests to the tower he...
Mummy mummy, why do I keep going round in circles? Do you want me to nail your other foot to the floor? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Mummy mummy, why are we going to Australia? Shut up and keep...
Two men met each other on the beach at Majorca. One looked at the other and asked, "Are you brown from the sun?"
"No," replied the other, "I'm Smith from The Daily Mirror."...
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 pounds an hour starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 pounds an hour. So when would you like to start?" "I'll start in three months...
