News3 mins ago
Paddy's wife gave birth to triplets. "How in God's name did that happen?" says Paddy.
"Remember that night when I was very dry and we had no Vaseline and we had to use 3 in 1 oil?"
"BeJaysus," says... ...
"Remember that night when I was very dry and we had no Vaseline and we had to use 3 in 1 oil?"
"BeJaysus," says... ...
I told myself I should stop drinking!
But I'm not going to take advice from a drunk who talks to himself!
___
I went out with a girl who was a discus thrower for a short while but it was only a... ...
But I'm not going to take advice from a drunk who talks to himself!
___
I went out with a girl who was a discus thrower for a short while but it was only a... ...
This made me laugh, so I'm tabling it under Jokes. https:/
A lorry carrying incontinence pants has shed its load on the motorway.
Police are warning of long delays due to rubberknickers!
___
She leaned over the kitchen table and squealed, "Smack that bottom.... ...
Police are warning of long delays due to rubberknickers!
___
She leaned over the kitchen table and squealed, "Smack that bottom.... ...
I was talking with my mother-in-law about our daughter's picky eating habits. "She refuses to eat fish," I told her. "Any recommendations for a replacement?" She thought a moment, then answered,... ...
My wife must think I'm an athlete She said to me you've been out 3 nights running.
___
I said to the window cleaner I've confiscated your ladders and if I catch you looking at my wife through the... ...
___
I said to the window cleaner I've confiscated your ladders and if I catch you looking at my wife through the... ...
Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument.
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
"There be two pints in... ...
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
"There be two pints in... ...
A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of the house in a beautiful Porsche.
Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his... ...
Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his... ...
A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight. They start eyeing each other, and both realize they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks... ...
The landlord at my local pub announced there's going to be a hefty cash prize for this years best costume for Halloween. Last year my wife won it and she only came to pick me up from there. ___ Wow...
A White Horse walks into the White Horse Inn near Uffington. "A pint of your finest ale, my man." Without batting an eyelid, the Publican pours the pint and asks the White Horse, "Do you know that...
"Push harder!" I shouted at my wife while she was in labour. "I hate you, I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone!" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh I thought… it wasn't my fault the car broke...
Unfortunate news just in from the West Midlands, A mammoth food mixer has reportedly gone out of control at a food processing plant in Walsall,... the entire factory has now gone into liquidation! ___...
..dogs shouldn't use zoom.
https:/
There was a boy on the bus, and he yelled out annoying phrases like "If my mum was a girl bear, and my dad was a boy bear I would be a little bear, if my mum was a girl horse, and my dad were a boy...
After his long court case with the Inland Revenue, Ken Dodd is reported to have said, "I didn't think it applied to me - I live by the seaside." ___ Google has to be a woman. It starts suggesting...
I went into Aldi today and bought an Aldi Humpty Dumpty toy.
You can also get Aldi King's Horses and Aldi King's Men....
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously. "What happened!! I'll tell...
Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into...
An elderly man had dinner at a very nice restaurant. After he finished his wine, he went to the gents toilet, then walked out through the bar. It was a beautiful evening, so he decided to leave his...
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