Body & Soul2 mins ago
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for £1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to...
While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the helicopter where I was lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in the lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off...
Did you hear about the stupid husband who had eight vasectomies? He had to because his wife kept getting pregnant. __________ A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly...
My favourite allergy song is,
'Blowing in The Wind', by Peter, Pollen Mary...
These signs have allegedly been spotted in public use. Sign in a London department store: Bargain basement upstairs. _____________ In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday...
I, a hetero, once used the word anygays during a convo in a completely non-homophobic way... But I feel like Ive messed up... Is it wrong for a straight person to say anygays?
I was searching for fuel when I ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in through my window. The bee asked me, "What seems to be the problem?''. I replied, "I'm out of petrol". The bee told me...
A huge grisly walks into a bar and says "give me a wiskey and........... soda".
So why the long pause, the barman asks.
"Duno says the grisly, but they're handy for catching salmon"...
I bought a comb and gave it to my bald-headed brother for his birthday.
He seems pretty pleased with it, because he said he;l never part with it....
A middle-aged woman on a transatlantic flight, was getting a little tipsy. she called a stewardess and asked for, yet, another glass of bourbon. The stewardess obliged and asked if she wanted anything...
Massive flood in lemonade factory!
A spokesperson said: "500 staff were Schwepped away."...
I've just replaced my car engine with the motor from my washing machine.
I'm going to take it for a spin later....
....most pointless job is fitting indicators to BMW's.
Worrying news breaking that, as a result of the fuel shortage, some mums have had to leave the 5.0 litre diesel 4 x 4 at home and walk up to a full five minutes to collect the kids from the school....
A guy walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." So she took down his name, address, and medical insurance number and told him to have a seat....
The chief of staff of the UK Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and...
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mary and bob were patients in an asylum 1 day, they are walking in the grounds and bob falls in to the water. mary immediately jumps in after him- bringing him to the surface and back to the shore....
Little Johny lives on a farm. 1 day, he comes downstairs and his mother asks, "Did you do your chorese, Johny?. no chores, no breakfast!" well he's not very happy, but what can he do?. out he goes to...
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