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For anyone who has ever had a bad pint. Two blokes decided to open a real ale brewery. After several months of careful work, they produced a product with a golden straw-like colour and a good strong...
Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer. "The plane won't carry six deer, you'll have to leave two of...
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got...
My friend said to me "Whatever you do, don't mention deodorant."
I said "Sure, Mum's the word."...
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in my bicycle basket. As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the...
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long,...
Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen....
Anyone for golf? Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.” Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?” ______________ Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this...
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists down the road have...
One day, a young girl is walking through a park when she hears a faint, “Help me, help me.” She looks around and follows the quiet voice to a bush near the path. Looking under the bush she spies a...
Little Johnny's class teacher was Mrs Smith, "Today", she said " we shall be playing the guessing game" Mrs Smith took out a brown paper bag- and described what was inside. "What I have here is a...
An old man is sitting at a bus stop, when a teenage boy with a multi-colored mohawk sits down. The old man just stares at the boys hair. Finally the boy says "What, haven't you ever done anything wild...
A little girl goes to her mum after school says "Mummy mummy I just saw Michael's willy" The mum is shocked. The little girl continues "It was like a PEANUT" The mum giggles, and replies "Why? Was it...
I went to the builders yard the other day and said "i want to buy some bricks please" "How many would you like." said the chap "About 8000." i said. "That's a lot of bricks," he said, "What are you...
Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the...
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a road side restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman...
Mick, from Dublin appeared on 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' and towards the end of the programme had already won 500,000 pounds. "You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's...
Thieves, wearing masks, have been seen breaking into cars in multi story car parks on CCTV cameras.
That's just wrong on so many levels,...
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.' The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen...
Him...You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met.
Her...You just want to take me to bed.
Him...Wow! And smart too....
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