One Sunday morning an old man entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore shirt and pants that were very worn and ragged....
Two Guys in their Mid-Twenties, are sitting at a Bar having a Beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man, you really look tired.” His Buddy says, “Mate, I'm exhausted. My Girlfriend wants Sex all...
Two little boys stole a load of apples from a neighbours apple tree. They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over...
I told my friend: "Whatever you do, don't use that 12 inch long cotton bud that I've left on the bathroom shelf",
but did she listen?
No! It just went in one ear and out the other....
A woman called her husband during the day and asked him to pick up some organic vegetables for that night’s dinner on his way home. The husband arrived at the store and began to search all over for...
A pilot was told to transfer mad people from Nigeria to U.S.A. He agreed and carried them in his plane. The whole plane was so noisy. Later one of the mad men approached the pilot in the cockpit and...
I've just been stung by a wasp and the doctor advised me to put some ointment on it. But I think it'll be miles away by now! ___ Just bought an answering machine. But I don't know what should I ask...
Saw a porn film last night. A woman was giving a hand job to a joiner, a plumber, an electrician and a plasterer... It was called, "Jack Off All Trades!" ___ A man goes to confession after a long...
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. ''Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost £300.'' ''Easy, Dad,'' the boy...
I walked into the living room this morning and there was a fella in a canal boat. I shouted: "Oi!!.. you can't come barging in here!" ___ I was drinking a beer and the bartender yelled “Does anyone...
I popped into the Chinese takeaway last night, the old boy on his own took my order and went into the kitchen to get it started, he then came back and said, what you do for a rivin? Rivin? I asked....
I went down to the red light area to 'relieve some tension'... each girls price ranged from £100 to £150, then I saw this pretty little redhead in a doorway, I asked her how much, she said "£25," I...
A friend of mine always refused to use anyone else's laptop, ipad or smartphone. So in the end we left him to his own devices. ___ I went to a mulch seminar . The presenter covered a lot of ground....
I asked the girl in B&Q, “What’s best for greasy ovens?” She replied, “Ammonia cleaner.” “Oh sorry,” I said, “I thought you worked here." ___ I saw an advert for a coffin, I thought well that's the...
A Russian woman married a Scottish gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Edinburgh. The poor lady was not very proficient in English but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real...
I've been volunteering at the local church.. It took some grafting, but I cant wait for them to see what a great job Ive done of getting rid of all the stains on the windows. ___ Bigfoot often gets...
A Man goes into a Bakers and asks for 2 Bread Rolls..?? The Shop Man picks them up with the Tongs and puts them in a Paper Bag, He then asks for 2 Cakes the Shop Man picks them up with the Tongs and...
The latest reports from the Internal Revenue service shows that it has streamlined its tax form for the next the year. It goes like this: A. How much did you make last year? B. How much do you have...
