I asked one of those supermarket workers filling the shelves where the tinned peaches were. She said, "I'll see." then walked off. So I then asked another lad working on the shelves and he said "I'll...
I remember as a child, being cast in the lead role of a silent version of the film Oliver. I couldn’t ask for more. ___ "Je t'adore" said the sophisticated French Lady. "Shut it yourself" said the...
Does this sound familiar to anyone? Early in the morning, husband woke up and ask his wife. Husband: Would you like to join me for jogging? Wife: Oh, so you mean i am fat? Husband: No, jogging is good...
A young couple moved into a new house. The next morning while they were eating breakfast the young woman saw her neighbour hanging the washing outside… She remarked: "That laundry is not very clean;...
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband 's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem? The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper...
Three guys were sitting around in a bar discussing whose wife was the most frigid. Harry was definitely sure he had the worst of it. "Listen, you guys," he said, "my wife comes to bed with an ice cube...
On a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon my buddy and I stood on the first tee of our Golf Club. He had just pulled out his driver when a young woman in a wedding dress came running up to him, crying....
I've just finished converting my van to electric. I swapped the diesel engine for the motor from a washing machine. It wouldn't start at first, until I realised I hadn't shut the door properly! Then I...
A computer has just matched me up with what it says is my perfect match. A steak and ale pie......... ___ I went to the supermarket helpdesk and said to the assistant, "I've just bought some...
I went to the doctors about my blocked ear. He said, "What ear is it?" I said, "Two thousand and twenty three." ___ I was addicted to Nesquik for 10 years then decided to go cold turkey. Haven't had...
Riding the favourite in the Chester cup, a jockey was well ahead of the field. Suddenly he was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled...
The first year student had just gotten a beat up old VW Beetle from his parents. He took it for a spin but misjudged the curve and overturned the car directly between the house of Mr. and Mrs. Smith...
An elderly man rear ends a guy driving an expensive sports car. Enraged, the guy hops out of his car and confronts the old man. “Look what you did to my car” he yells. “you’re gonna give me £10,000...
There was an advert in our local paper for a fanny waxers assistant, in the job description it said, you will need to greet beautiful women with a smile, then help undress and bath them, then you will...
A telemarketer calls, "I would like to speak with Max, please." The homeowner reluctantly replies, "I suppose that would be possible, but it seems rather strange." The telemarketer responds, "Why...
At the airport check in, I said to my friend
"I wish we'd brought the telly with us now."
She asked : "Why is there something good on it right now?"
Me: "Yeah, our Passports."...
One Sunday morning an old man entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore shirt and pants that were very worn and ragged....
Two Guys in their Mid-Twenties, are sitting at a Bar having a Beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man, you really look tired.” His Buddy says, “Mate, I'm exhausted. My Girlfriend wants Sex all...