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Rondy

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Rondy

Good Reading

I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden... How the hell am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden? __________________ Condoms do not guarantee safe...
09:43 Sun 08th Nov 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 15:24 Sun 08th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Result Of The Lock Down

Result of the Lock down: First time in history we can save the human race by laying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Reminder: 9pm is the time to remove your day pyjamas and put your night...
17:41 Sat 07th Nov 20202 answers, last by retrocop 17:46 Sat 07th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Speeding

Nearly talked my way out of a speeding ticked once by telling the policewoman who stopped me how stunning she looked. Then bolloxed it up by saying 'and that's not just the drink talking either!'...
09:49 Sat 07th Nov 20202 answers, last by marval 15:55 Sat 07th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Petrol Station

This afternoon at the petrol station I saw a woman running round screaming. Her arm was on fire & she was swinging it violently. The police came, put the woman on the ground, put the fire out then...
19:41 Thu 05th Nov 20202 answers, last by Patsy33 20:16 Thu 05th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Sexy Neighbour

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger... It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles, that I realised she wanted to rent out her spare room!...
17:23 Thu 05th Nov 20203 answers, last by Patsy33 19:02 Thu 05th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Keyboard

My Wife said if I don't get away from the computer and do some gardening she is going to bang my head on the keyboard........ Its okay though I think she is only...
14:40 Thu 05th Nov 20202 answers, last by Canary42 16:08 Thu 05th Nov 2020
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Rondy

In A Bank

A woman is walking out of the bank and she has a £50 note in each ear. She passes two bank workers, one turn to the other and says: "See that woman...she's £100 in arrears." _____________________ I...
18:40 Wed 04th Nov 20204 answers, last by piggynose 19:32 Wed 04th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Sex With You?

A group of blokes outside a pub and a woman walks by. One says to his mates, "I'd give her one." The woman replies, "I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last man on earth." He answers, "Who...
15:56 Wed 04th Nov 20203 answers, last by zebo 16:47 Wed 04th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Doctor..doctor

"Doctor, Doctor, please help! I'm getting married soon and I can't get over my fear of wedding vows. Do you know of a cure?" "I can't say I do." "Not you as well!" ------------------------------- As a...
12:57 Wed 04th Nov 20206 answers, last by Spicerack 10:29 Thu 05th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Stealing

I Got caught stealing a leg of lamb from the supermarket. The security guard said, "What are you doing with that?" I replied, "Potatoes, peas and gravy!"...
19:46 Tue 03rd Nov 20207 answers, last by Spicerack 11:46 Wed 04th Nov 2020
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Rondy

A Sex Object

I think my wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex she objects. ____________ My girlfriend just rang to say Gavin from AutoGlass has just been and injected his resin into her crack... I'm not...
19:10 Mon 02nd Nov 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 11:36 Tue 03rd Nov 2020
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Rondy

Job Interview

In a shoe shop: "These shoes might be tight for the next two weeks." "Don’t worry. I’ll start wearing them in three weeks time then." __________________________ “Have you been sleeping by an open...
10:11 Mon 02nd Nov 2020
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Rondy

Snail Fight

Terrible fight in the garden last night. Two snails took their shell-suits off and were slugging it out. It took ages. _______________ The police have finally found the guys who stole kid's my...
12:44 Sun 01st Nov 20202 answers, last by Patsy33 12:55 Sun 01st Nov 2020
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Rondy

A Letter To Donald Trump

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line coded message...
17:35 Sat 31st Oct 20203 answers, last by zebo 16:58 Sun 01st Nov 2020
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Rondy

More Puns

I cooked a curry for the Mrs last night but she wouldn't eat it because I put Ginger in it..... Apparently she loved that Cat !!! ___________________________ I went to the Doctor's today and he asked...
13:43 Sat 31st Oct 20202 answers, last by marval 23:06 Sun 01st Nov 2020
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Rondy

And More

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline... She hit the roof! -------------------- I have to go to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armour around... I hate knight shifts!...
10:42 Sat 31st Oct 2020
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Rondy

Jimmy's Dead!!

Jimmy died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary. The three men had always done...
13:48 Fri 30th Oct 2020
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Rondy

Under The Hammer

A judge tells the defendant, “You’re charged with attacking your boss with a hammer.” “You ***!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom. “You’re also charged with attacking a bartender with...
14:35 Thu 29th Oct 2020
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Rondy

It's The Way I Tell Em

The annual Cambridge v Oxford Boat Race will be only available via a stream from 2021 _______________________________________ My wife said, "Did you know butterflies only live for one day?" I said,...
13:45 Thu 29th Oct 2020
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Rondy

My Wife

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife. They said, "Is this your wife sir?" Shocked, I answered, " Yes." They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she has been hit by a...
17:21 Wed 28th Oct 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 22:29 Wed 28th Oct 2020

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