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Rondy

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Rondy
I have a friend who entertains her guests by quickly calculating statistical averages.
Not exactly the life of the party, but she means well.
___
An investigative journalist should do a lot of... ...
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Rondy
A Yorkshire man walks into a vets. 
Man: "Summit up wi' t' cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshire man: "Nah, it's ere int basket."
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Rondy
I've got two albums to listen to tonight, one by The Jam and the other by Cream.
I just don't know which one to put on first!
___

The mutant World Cup final will be played over 3 legs.
___

I was at a... ...
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Rondy
A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny and Billy holding a list. "Lady," Johnny explained, "We are on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork chop bone... ...
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Rondy
I Just walked into Waterstones and said, "I'd like a book by Shakespeare please ?"
"Of course, Sir, which one?" She said.
I replied, "William."
Not too clever some shop assistants are... ...
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Rondy
Walking home from the pub last night I saw two old age pensioners holding hands. As they walked by I said to the old guy with a smile and a wink: "Have her home by ten now."
The elderly man stopped... ...
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Rondy
Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushes her to hospital.
On arrival the nurse asks 'how dilated is she'?
To which Paddy replies 'Dilated....Oh Jaysus we're both over the moon'!
___

Just paid... ...
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Rondy
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the... ...
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Rondy

Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!

Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad... ...
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Rondy
Tonight's quiz link (Quiz starts at 6pm) https://stin.to/f0blx# ...
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Rondy
My wife saw a cockroach in the kitchen this morning, I've never seen her work so hard scrubbing everywhere in the kitchen spotlessly clean.
Tomorrow, I'm going to put the fake cockroach in the... ...
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Rondy
My friend that has come into money is telling me that he is having his family tree researched. "Yes, and it is quite expensive, it cost £5,000." "Wow", I replied, "that is expensive!" "Yes, but it... ...
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Rondy
My friend Alfie who is a keen cricketer had both his legs amputated. First match back he was out first ball. Stumped!
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Rondy
My ex divorced me because she said I treated her like a maid.
But even the judge agreed that she should keep the house.
___ Kids, your mother and I are getting divorced.
She said she’s leaving me... ...
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Rondy
A teacher asks her class to name things that end with TOR that eat things.
The first little boy says: "Alligator"
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says: "Predator."
"Yes that's another... ...
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Rondy
A recent study has revealed that 58% of marriages end in misery.
The other 42% end in divorce.
___ I divorced my cross-eyed wife.
We didn’t see eye to eye.
___
Judge: “On what grounds do you want a... ...
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Rondy
I'm thinking about having a bust made...
But I don't want to get ahead of myself...
___

Bloke walks into a bar, orders a whisky and says 'I'm celebrating my first ***'....
After he finishes it... ...
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Rondy
Why are some people so nasty and unreasonable .. Shouting and screaming .. "Move your bleeding car you ***" the guy yelled at me .. 
I just walked off and left him ranting and raving, he was... ...
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Rondy
Gladiator: My name is Maximus Decimus Christophus Meridius commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to-...
Barista: I've run out of room on the cup... ...
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Rondy
A guy answers his door one night and a massive cockroach is standing on his doorstep. Without warning, the cockroach attacks... It beats the man up, throws him across his front-room; and then runs... ...

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