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marval

What Have You Got?

A man sprints into a bar. Panting he says, "give me ten shots of your best whiskey." The barman lines up ten shot glasses on the bar and starts pouring. "Quick!" shouts the man. The barman hurriedly...
17:31 Mon 16th Dec 20194 answers, last by Chipchopper 12:15 Tue 17th Dec 2019
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marval

Modern Tools

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a...
00:12 Wed 04th Dec 20194 answers, last by reedcooper 08:01 Thu 29th Jul 2021
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marval

Getting Your Own Back

Jack's mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found his two-year old sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl’s grip and said comfortingly to Jack. “There,...
18:52 Tue 03rd Dec 20193 answers, last by Old_Geezer 23:27 Tue 03rd Dec 2019
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marval

Salsa

I attended a salsa class today. The instructor says to everyone. "Alright folks, who's ready to learn how to dance?" It was then that I realised that there was a misunderstanding. So I took my bag of...
20:06 Sat 30th Nov 20193 answers, last by Chipchopper 10:53 Sun 01st Dec 2019
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marval

Andre Rieu

For any Andre Rieu fans who don't know, there is a programme about him tonight. Channel 5 10pm....
18:42 Fri 29th Nov 201912 answers, last by Bobbisox1 22:49 Fri 29th Nov 2019
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marval

The Circus

A circus tamer was trying to arrange a trick where he would have fifty bears marching in perfect lines. Unfortunately they always ended up walking in circles, leading him to almost selling his bears....
18:11 Thu 28th Nov 2019
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marval

It Was

I saw some people building a new bridge near me. Every lunch break they would sit down for afternoon tea. Complete with tablecloth and napkins. It was very civil engineering....
19:38 Sun 24th Nov 20193 answers, last by Chipchopper 12:46 Mon 25th Nov 2019
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marval

Where Are You?

Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls. "What happened this time?" he asked. "My brakes wont work," Jill...
17:12 Wed 20th Nov 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 19:23 Wed 20th Nov 2019
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marval

Auctions

My partner says I’m addicted to auctions, but he is wrong. I stopped after going once, going twice. A farmer decided to sell all of his chickens to the highest bidder. It was poultry in auction. The...
23:49 Fri 15th Nov 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 00:04 Sat 16th Nov 2019
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marval

Stopped

I was stopped by a motorway policeman. I said, Officer, are you actually crying while you are writing me a speeding ticket? The officer replied, “Well it is a moving violation.”...
17:09 Tue 12th Nov 20191 answer, last by Chipchopper 13:59 Thu 14th Nov 2019
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marval

A Mother

A mother thinks there’s something strange going on and eventually decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that their child is actually not related to her or her husband at all. The wife says,...
01:07 Wed 06th Nov 20192 answers, last by Chipchopper 10:38 Wed 06th Nov 2019
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I Threw

I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day. I knew it would come back to haunt me....
19:22 Thu 31st Oct 20193 answers, last by Patsy33 20:24 Thu 31st Oct 2019
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marval

For Cat Lovers

These kittens really make me laugh, I like watching them play.https://www.webcamtaxi.com/en/usa/washington/kittens-purrfect-pals.html...
18:12 Thu 31st Oct 20194 answers, last by Patsy33 19:17 Thu 31st Oct 2019
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marval

My Friend

My friend went to a fancy dress party last weekend dressed as a loaf of bread. He said it was great, the birds were all over him....
17:02 Wed 30th Oct 201914 answers, last by maggiebee 00:44 Thu 31st Oct 2019
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marval

What?

What do you call a Chinese man from Birmingham who has a black eye? Hu Chin Yow....
22:38 Tue 29th Oct 20191 answer, last by Bazile 15:51 Wed 30th Oct 2019
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marval

Cars

A father was washing the family car with his son one morning. After a while the son looks up and asks his father, “Do you think you could use a sponge instead?” A man is wanted, he has been...
19:13 Mon 28th Oct 20192 answers, last by maggiebee 11:32 Tue 29th Oct 2019
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marval

Eating Out

I went out with my partner to a fancy restaurant last night and after we had eaten he kept insisting on paying for the meal. I said, "Don't be stupid, we are half way down the road now. Just keep...
17:38 Sun 27th Oct 20196 answers, last by Spicerack 11:35 Mon 28th Oct 2019
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marval

Wet Weather

This wet weather is awful. People keep coming into my house and throwing their wet umbrellas on the floor. I have decided it is time I made a stand....
19:31 Sat 26th Oct 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 19:44 Sat 26th Oct 2019
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marval

Idiot Criminals

Two teenagers caught breaking into a car scaled a fence to get away – without realising there was a prison on the other side. One police officer said: "People don’t break into prison every day,...
15:34 Thu 24th Oct 20193 answers, last by retrocop 17:27 Thu 24th Oct 2019
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marval

Be Warned

Aliens are coming. Aliens are landing tomorrow. Their Mission: To kidnap all old, good looking, sexy people. Just e-mailing to say goodbye. I have to go to pack....
18:49 Tue 22nd Oct 20197 answers, last by davebro 19:08 Tue 22nd Oct 2019

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