keithlbw Member Profile in The AnswerBank

Updated nursery rhyme

Mary had a little lamb, it's fleece all white and whispy Along came foot n mouth disease and now it's black and crispy...

carlton23

The Kiss

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"...

emmie

Do you find some sayings, expressions funny

i do, sometimes you see or hear something that makes you smile or laugh. Throwing the toys out of the pram, any you would like to share....

moonraker558

Beer Talk.

I was in the pub with ttfn last night and I said "I love you." She said "Is that you or the beer talking ?" I replied "It's me talking to the beer."

sandyRoe

'Neither fear nor dread wait upon a dying animal...'

Anyone know what poem this line comes from?

wildwood

Revolting! don't read if you're sqeemish.

A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow...... He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there...

chirpychirpy

modern phrases I can't stand

I cringe when sports folk like John Inverdale talk about things being 'key' to a match or whatever. I cringe when people refer to dancing as 'throwing some shapes'. What modern phrases make you...

carrust

West country.

I was recently on a train journey & got chatting to an American who was touring England. He was extolling the beauty of the west country, especially Devon. He had visited all the touristy bits;...

SpikeyBush

Spoonerisms

My Dad has always come out with spoonerisms, it rubbed off on me and it seems like my son has embraced it too. He wanted 'Bees and chutter' on his baked potato. Years ago my Dad liked watching the...

marval

Insurance

Make sure you get the right insurance, for the sex you are having' Please find a list of companies below, catering for most tastes. Sex with your wife :- Legal and General. Sex on the telephone :-...

NoMercy

Bin Laden

10 years, millions of bullets, five hundred thousand rockets, ten thousand cruise missiles, a billions tons of bombs, thousands dead, invasions, taknks, helicopters and military satellites, stealth...

Graham-W

Dear Mr. Cameron,

Dear Mr. Cameron, Please find below our suggestion for fixing England's economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use...

CailinDeas

THE HUSBAND STORE!!

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Manchester , just off Deansgate where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store...

carrust

Drugs ooop north

In a recent survey of drug addiction in the North, it was discovered that the users in Yorkshire injected ecstasy into their mouth parts. The British Medical Association have named it....Eeebahgum.......

DTCwordfan

Two Lincoln City FC jokes

A man goes into a Grantham pub with an alligator under his arm. "Do you serve Lincoln City fans in this pub?" he asks the innkeeper. "Yes Sir," says the publican. "Well a pint...

moonraker558

Suspicious Wife!

The husband and his young wife were not on good terms. In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid, so she laid a trap. One evening she suddenly sent Prudence home...

luco1110

house

my pal is getting a company to build a conservatory plus 5 windows how much will the company want up front thanks...

cupid04

?

What is the worst boil you can get on your knob? Susan!...

Jemisa

More calm in our lives!

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to...

smurfchops

Walking around sainsburys ...

An old guy was in Tesco the other day, pushing his shopping cart around, when he collided with a young guy also pushing a cart. He said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my...

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