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Berniecuddles2

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Berniecuddles2
I've just stolen loads of swimming pool inflatables. I'd better lilo for a while....
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Berniecuddles2
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me." Sure enough, the husband...
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Berniecuddles2
A farmer sat down at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him....
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Berniecuddles2
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other...
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Berniecuddles2
Just got in from a wedding During the night My mate's Mrs was dancing on a table "Good legs" I said "Do you really think so?"she said "Yes, most other tables would've collapsed under that weight."...
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Berniecuddles2
Gawd the wife's in a right mood! Someone has stolen her pair of knickers off the washing line ...she's not bothered about her knickers she just wants the 12 pegs back!!...
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Berniecuddles2
The Mother-In-Law’s drowning, I've informed Emergency Services. I hope they save her or it’s a waste of a first class stamp. My wife asked me what funeral we should have for her mother. Burial or...
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Berniecuddles2
Got the wife a new fridge today as a surprise , her face lit up when she opened it
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Berniecuddles2
"Black really is slimming on you, you've never looked sexier" I assured the missus "Turn the light back on you ***!" she replied...
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Berniecuddles2
Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them both. They said it’d be like winning the lottery. They were right – we had six matching balls....
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Berniecuddles2
A beautiful woman loves gardening, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbour, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my...
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Berniecuddles2
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?” One of them snarled at me, “It’s...
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Berniecuddles2
I slowly walked up to the sales lady in the clothing store “I would like to buy my wife a pretty pink lingerie set ” “How cute” exclaimed the sales lady, “sounds like it’s going to be a...
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Berniecuddles2
“A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen." The surprised salesman replies, "But, madam,...
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Berniecuddles2
“Poor Old fool,” I thought to myself as i watched an old man fish in a puddle outside the pub. So i invited the old man inside for a drink. As we sipped our whiskeys, i thought I'd humour the old...
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Berniecuddles2
So last night I go down to the local brothel I asked to see yu tug mi a blind Chinese girl she's good you have to hand it to her! She said ahhh bernie you have big penis...I said your pulling my leg!...
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Berniecuddles2
My sexual fetishes have slowly been getting more perverse. It wasn't until I smacked a statues bum that I realised I had hit rock bottom....
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Berniecuddles2
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he...
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Berniecuddles2
If I purchased one of those new electric Dyson cars... Would I finally be able to pick up girls?...
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Berniecuddles2
At the dentist! “I want you to paint my teeth blue” – said the blonde. “What!?” – exclaimed the dentist. “Just do it!!” – said the blonde. So the dentist painted her teeth blue. The...

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