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Berniecuddles2

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Berniecuddles2
Just had a chat with my neighbour's gorgeous daughter. Turns out she's well into UFOs!. Which is handy i'm going to abduct her tomorrow!...
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Berniecuddles2
Just dropped my phone in mayonnaise. feckin hellman!...
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Berniecuddles2
An elderly couple had been shopping at a grocery store, and the wife decided to steal a can of peaches. The inevitable happened and she was caught. Upon her court date, the judge asked her what she...
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Berniecuddles2
A man is in Hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth. "Nurse" he mumbles "are my testicles black?" The nurse raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his balls in the other. She...
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Berniecuddles2
A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor...
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Berniecuddles2
What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce? Chicken sees a salad....
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Berniecuddles2
My wife asked me, "Did you eat my chocolate in the cupboard last night?" "No, don't be silly" I replied, "I ate it on the sofa."...
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Berniecuddles2
My mate swallowed his phone and got it stuck in his throat. I had to ring his neck....
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Berniecuddles2
Mrs c told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I drunk 10 pints of lager and got drunk.!
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Berniecuddles2
You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.
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Berniecuddles2
My mate lost an arm to a snake bite. He had twelve pints of the stuff and fell through a window....
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Berniecuddles2
I've just quit my job at a helium balloon factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice!...
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Berniecuddles2
My wife has packed her bags and gone!! Just because of my fetish with touching pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now....
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Berniecuddles2
I tripped and fell over a full drum kit -- I'm now suffering from percussion...
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Berniecuddles2
Tom Petty, the beloved American singer-songwriter, has died at age 66 after suffering cardiac arrest.
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Berniecuddles2
I got mugged by 6 dwarves today. Not Happy....
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Berniecuddles2
Shop assistant: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small Shop assistant: You didn't even try it on? Psychic: I'm a medium...
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Berniecuddles2
I was in the restaurant last night when a beautiful girl came up and asked me "are you single" I said "well yes I am" Well she said " you won't need that spare chair then thanks"...
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Berniecuddles2
Mr & Mrs Strap, & their son, Jock was held up Will you welcome, please, Bill Oddie, and his son, Mel Will you welcome, Mr & Mrs Tone, and their son, Barry Welcome Mr & Mrs Tasanute, and their son,...

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