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Berniecuddles2

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Berniecuddles2

Gamblers Anonymous Meeting !

Sat next to a fruit machine addict at a gamblers anonymous meeting last night, It was awful!.. He kept nudging me!...
12:08 Tue 26th Sep 201710 answers, last by DTCwordfan 18:05 Tue 26th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Doing The Washing Up!

My wife was bending over doing the washing up in the kitchen and I was watching the news of the flood damage to the roads... On reflection probably not the best time to exclaim: "christ, look at the...
11:39 Tue 26th Sep 20173 answers, last by Shaglene 11:39 Wed 27th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Up A Ladder!

i was up a ladder putting a cinema poster up. Lady said "Is King Kong Coming?" I said "No it’s just the paste off my brush"...
07:55 Tue 26th Sep 20175 answers, last by DTCwordfan 18:35 Tue 26th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

At School!

I said to my son if anyone tries to take your lunch money at school you're to head butt them. I can't believe he got sent sent home early today for breaking the dinner lady's nose!!...
06:41 Tue 26th Sep 201713 answers, last by Berniecuddles2 11:32 Tue 26th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

A Catholic Girl!

A Catholic girl goes into confession and says to the priest "I'm pregnant" He asks her "how did this happen my child" She says " I think it must be the second coming" The priest , shocked by this...
20:49 Mon 25th Sep 20177 answers, last by Berniecuddles2 20:57 Mon 25th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Cheap Thesaurus!

I just bought a cheap thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am....
06:35 Mon 25th Sep 20179 answers, last by Shaglene 11:19 Tue 26th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

At The Doctors!!

Me to Dr: I’ve hurt my penis in a surfing accident Dr: Did you fall off your board Me: No I slammed my laptop shut when the wife walked in...
17:59 Sat 23rd Sep 20176 answers, last by Spicerack 11:32 Tue 26th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Elton John!

Turns out Elton John doesn’t like lettuce much. He’s more of a Rocket man....
17:53 Sat 23rd Sep 20174 answers, last by zebo 20:36 Sat 23rd Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Departure Lounge

Persuaded my wife to smuggle coke through customs by sticking it up her bum! I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge....
17:21 Fri 22nd Sep 20174 answers, last by Arksided 18:46 Fri 22nd Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Greek Mythology

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
17:10 Fri 22nd Sep 201713 answers, last by vetuste_ennemi 23:22 Fri 22nd Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

At The Florist!

Me: A nice bunch of flowers for the wife please Florist: Certainly, sir. Are you looking for anything particular? Me:sex hopefully...
17:15 Sun 17th Sep 20179 answers, last by DTCwordfan 19:41 Sun 17th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Having A Massage!

i was Having a massage.... Lady said "Any Extras?" I said "No, get your own chewing gum"...
16:44 Sun 17th Sep 20174 answers, last by Patsy33 10:37 Mon 18th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Selfie!

A man died today due to his obsession of taking photos of himself next to a boiling kettle. We believe he had serious selfie steam issues....
16:26 Sun 17th Sep 20173 answers, last by zebo 10:21 Mon 18th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

New Job!

Just got my dream Job I start next Monday as a Window cleaner in Amsterdam
08:45 Sun 17th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Perspicacious?

Don’t you love people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?...
08:28 Sun 17th Sep 201729 answers, last by zebo 11:30 Sun 17th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Busy Pub

I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball. I got served straight away....
12:19 Sat 16th Sep 201712 answers, last by Patsy33 13:24 Sat 16th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

At The Chemist!

After waiting for half an hour in the queue at the chemist,I finally got to the counter and the woman serving said " I'm sorry about your wait" I replied " you ain't exactly skinny are you fatty"!...
10:23 Sat 16th Sep 20174 answers, last by Berniecuddles2 11:27 Sat 16th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

German Shepherd!

Really cheesed off. Every morning a huge German Shepherd poo's on my front lawn. Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog....
08:35 Sat 16th Sep 20177 answers, last by Patsy33 11:04 Sat 16th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Down The Pub With The Lads!

Just had a good night out down the pub with the lads so I jumped in a taxi and said "take me to where I can get sex for a tenner mate" Bit gutted when he took me to my house!...
18:47 Fri 15th Sep 20175 answers, last by murraymints 11:56 Sun 17th Sep 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Evian Water!

Have you ever wondered about those people who pay a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards!...
17:59 Fri 15th Sep 20178 answers, last by hc4361 18:30 Fri 15th Sep 2017

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