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Ian1

ARE YOU INSURED FOR SEX?

ARE YOU INSURED FOR SEX? The Correct Insurance Companies are; Sex with your wife - Legal & General Sex on the telephone - Direct Line Sex with your partner - Standard Life Sex with a transvestite...

joe1

Border collie

Hi, We have 2 dogs they get on fine when my husband is not around, but as soon as he enters the house the border collie seriously intimidates the other ( lurcher) and will not let him go near my...

marval

How an idiot wins a quiz. Q. What is a narrow passage between two mountains called? A. Pass Correct. Q. A surprise sexual advance is sometimes known as making a what? A. Pass Correct. Q.What is the...

JSIMMO

Kittens

Hi, I have recently found some kittens that appear to be abandoned by their mother, they look asif they're 2-3 weeks old, they have fur and their eyes are slightly open. Its very cold on the allotment...

guilliebrougues

Say What You See Quiz.

Hi folks, can anyone help me with three questions on the above quiz ? all the clues are in squares. 12. PHD O MD C BSC 20. (1111)3 9. there is the words West in the letters D. many thanks in advance...

montalbano

Mystery creature Can you help please?

Found dead in garden, 6 inches long, mouselike ears, large feet, apricot coloured fur and large head like a hamster. Does not resemble any images of a common hamster however.

supapapa

R.I.P. Eddie

My son rang me up and told Eddie Stobart had died , he said he thinks they are making a film about him--he saw a trailer this afternoon.

marval

Yellow

This cowboy rushed into to the saloon yelling, "All right, who's the wise guy that painted my horse yellow?" There was silence in the saloon. 'Fess up if you dare," shouted the cowboy....

giggles321

How do I stop a frog from laying its eggs under my wheelie bin?

Sorry but I do not like frogs! one has come from nowhere and has decided to live under the wheelie bins and is laying its eggs under there. What can I do?? There is no way I can go near it!!

moonraker558

A lonely woman

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:- HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON...

AB Editor

Twitchers, Ornithologists & Feathered Friend Fanciers #5

Hello, and welcome to the fifth edition of "Twitchers, Ornithologists & Feathered Friend Fanciers". As usual the previous issues of this illustrious thread are located below. Do any of...

chakka35

How do I get Windows XP backup software?

I want to backup files in Windows XP and it says that if BACKUP does not appear in the ACCESSORIES menu (and it doesn't) I must install it with the Windows XP CD. I don't ever remember having such a...

D143237G

Missing the point

I have noticed over the past few weeks that there are hardly any jokes printed on AB that I have not heard before many many times or even worse ones that were posted only a few days before being...

carlton23

The English Weather

In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as...

Groupie

A man lay in bed next to his wife

She asked him "How would you feel if I told you i used to be a hooker?" The husband replied "I'd be upset but I'd deal with it." "Okay then" She said, "My name was...

Significantother

My Contribution to St. David's Day

It was late on a warm summers evening and a group of Welshmen were round a campfire having a drink and telling ghost stories. After they finished on Welshman asks (AND YOU NEED TO DO THIS IN A WELSH...

wildwood

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

I suppose this should be in Home & Garden but I like the Jokes folks better. 1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL...

The-Toff-

mate just got back.

a mate of mine has just got back from from taking part in the world erection championship, he did pretty well, he got to the semi's.

237SJ

Birdsong

There`s a bird that sings here (I think it`s a native bird) and although it`s hard to describe obviously, it has a two-tone call - a high note followed by a low note (in the same sort of way that a...