Mother superior gathers all the nuns into the hall and announces: "I am afraid to say we have a case of syphilis in the convent" One of the nuns at the back says to another "Thank christ for that, I'm...
..and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me, I keep thinking I'm a moth!" The dentist says "Im a dentist not a doctor, why did you come in here?" The bloke says "Well,...
Denzil goes into a shop and says to the the woman there, "Hullo I'd like to buy some flowers please" The lady says "This isn't a florist, it's a circumcision clinic!" Denzil says...
between a reliable vacuum cleaner and a randy admiral in the swiss navy? One sucks and never fails... between a street vendor and a dachshund? One bawls out his wares on the street between a...
Man and his lady wife are starting a round of golf. They finish their first green and are walking to the next tee when a golf ball flies out of nowhere, strikes the wife on the head and knocks her...
Neologisms ..... The Washington Post publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. Flabbergasted...
Bought a packet of flavoured condoms. Said to the other half in bed, "hey, how do you fancy a laugh? turn the lights off and I'll put one on and then you try and guess the taste"...
What are the most economical mpg Astra/Corsa sized cars that one could pick up for about 4 or 5000? 4 seaters and a reasonable boot required. so far Ive considered 1.3CDTi Corsa Eco 1.7 CDTi Astra 1.4...
A recent explosion at the factory in France used to manufacture white flags has effectively crippled their military capability. Why is the Champs Élysées lined with trees? The German...
Hi Recently acquired a 2003 model, the figures say it should return over 50mpg extra urban but my trip computer is giving 34mpg over multiple journey average. My old X reg Audi A4 Tdi used to give me...
Does the panel think... If, to keep a pet you require a cage to keep it in, it is then cruel really? Even small animals like hamsters, mice, gerbils etc, would range over quite large territories in...
Hi Just wondering if there was a general overall figure for conveyancing house purchase/sale? Inclusive of all the searches etc. I am selling a flat with share of freehold for 190k and purchasing a...
Hi Just wondering if there was a general overall figure for conveyancing house purchase/sale? Inclusive of all the searches etc. I am selling a flat with share of freehold for 190k and purchasing a...
Little 5 year old Daisy, sees a group of workmen turn up next door to build a house. She takes an interest and starts to talk to them. The builders, with hearts of gold, adopt her as their site...
I was walking throught the churchyard on my way to work today and passed a man crouching by a tombstone.
"Morning" I called out.
"No, I'm just having a sh1t" he replied....
