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Mother superior gathers all the nuns into the hall and announces: "I am afraid to say we have a case of syphilis in the convent" One of the nuns at the back says to another "Thank christ for that, I'm...
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..and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me, I keep thinking I'm a moth!" The dentist says "Im a dentist not a doctor, why did you come in here?" The bloke says "Well,...
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Denzil goes into a shop and says to the the woman there, "Hullo I'd like to buy some flowers please" The lady says "This isn't a florist, it's a circumcision clinic!" Denzil says...
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I entered a blindfolded w**king competition at the weekend. I don't know where I came. (The letters missing are 'an' for the hard of thinking)...
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- Took my car in to be Simonized last week. They cut 2" off the exhaust pipe.
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between a reliable vacuum cleaner and a randy admiral in the swiss navy? One sucks and never fails... between a street vendor and a dachshund? One bawls out his wares on the street between a...
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Man and his lady wife are starting a round of golf. They finish their first green and are walking to the next tee when a golf ball flies out of nowhere, strikes the wife on the head and knocks her...
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Neologisms ..... The Washington Post publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. Flabbergasted...
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Bought a packet of flavoured condoms. Said to the other half in bed, "hey, how do you fancy a laugh? turn the lights off and I'll put one on and then you try and guess the taste"...
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What are the most economical mpg Astra/Corsa sized cars that one could pick up for about 4 or 5000? 4 seaters and a reasonable boot required. so far Ive considered 1.3CDTi Corsa Eco 1.7 CDTi Astra 1.4...
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A recent explosion at the factory in France used to manufacture white flags has effectively crippled their military capability. Why is the Champs Élysées lined with trees? The German...
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Hi Recently acquired a 2003 model, the figures say it should return over 50mpg extra urban but my trip computer is giving 34mpg over multiple journey average. My old X reg Audi A4 Tdi used to give me...
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Does the panel think... If, to keep a pet you require a cage to keep it in, it is then cruel really? Even small animals like hamsters, mice, gerbils etc, would range over quite large territories in...
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Hi Just wondering if there was a general overall figure for conveyancing house purchase/sale? Inclusive of all the searches etc. I am selling a flat with share of freehold for 190k and purchasing a...
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Hi Just wondering if there was a general overall figure for conveyancing house purchase/sale? Inclusive of all the searches etc. I am selling a flat with share of freehold for 190k and purchasing a...
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Perhaps called "Please do my homework for me" or "Google? What's google?" Just a thought...
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Little 5 year old Daisy, sees a group of workmen turn up next door to build a house. She takes an interest and starts to talk to them. The builders, with hearts of gold, adopt her as their site...
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Answer: The majority of the readers of Marvals "jokes"
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I was walking throught the churchyard on my way to work today and passed a man crouching by a tombstone. "Morning" I called out. "No, I'm just having a sh1t" he replied....

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