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Mad over Fifties Club

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ladyalex | 20:00 Sat 09th Jun 2012 | Quizzes & Puzzles
245 Answers
The Club is now Open

Welcome , one and all to the Mad over Fifties Club where Members are expected, nay encouraged, to be Mad and Over Fifty.
Anyone seeking membership who has not yet attained fifty earth years will be considered eligible by virtue of their wishing to join such a club.
Anyone not mad and seeking membership should reconsider.

The night is still nippy for the time of year, so gather close to the fire and let the festivities commence.


The topic for tonight's Speaker is 'Weather...whither ?' .
He has not yet arrived, but we have received a message from him saying that as soon as he can find his waders, oilskins and umbrella, he will be along directly.

Prizes so far for tonight's raffle include:

A bottle of sun screen (unused)
A sun hat (new)
2 yards of deckchair canvas (pristine)

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Good evening Milady and all - still on hols but hope to be around more than last week.

I have arranged a wonderful buffet from the caterers, hope all is delicious, managed to rustle up a large vat of Tailcock too - Monsoon.

For the Rofl:
5 corn plasters (left foot)
Sun Cream (unopened)
Postcard of the White Cliffs of Dover
Stick of Bognor rock.
I may have a new nominee to stand in for la petal, one baas owner and plumber, Tonyav - a most useful for the creaking pipework and the Organ, Lady A

Hi by the way.
Question Author
Hello Mamya. Hope you are enjoying your hols.

A flagon of Monsoon will go down nicely ,thank you .

Wonderful buffet but not *quite* as good as when it is prepared by your own fair hands..
Well I'm mad and over fifty, so can I come in please, by the way where do i have to sign in ?
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Hello DT. A plumber would be most welcome. Do you think he would be able to take on the job of handyman ?

Mamya..the forms....
Question Author
Welcome, tony (I may call you tony , I hope).

Do sit down and dry off.
Mamya will be along with the Direct Debit Forms in a jiffy.
Tony, please fill in and sign , really is painless.
Good evening m'lady, Matron & guests. For the rofl I can offer -

Some celery
Leftover rabbit stew
1/2 tin of Duraglit

I shall begin serving tailcocks and hiding outerwear immediately.
Tony ... sign nothing.... please, no matter how much they say you have to.

Good evening milady, matron and the Butler, wherever he might have disappeared to.

For the riffle I can offer a half cut deck of cards (horizontal)
and not forgetting a pair of wellies, one size 4 and one size 10
Question Author
Well done, Mamya...got in nice and quickly there.
Righto, where are the leaky pipes ?
Evening All, hello tonyav, we don't sign in. Most of us can't write. For the roffle I have a garden fork with a prong missing.
One zimmer frame emblazoned "Prop K Edward Hosp & Princ. Marge"
One potty, marked "By Appt to Prince Phil"
One King Edward Cigar
One microscopic slide with bladder bacteria
One enema syringe
One Hospital Bill for £23000 marked "Phil Win....." and torn in two
One Black Amex card "HRH Queen ER" cut in two.
One bottle of Air Freshner
One roll of loo paper marked "Have a-Sugar today, The Fugger of Harrods"
Flagons of Monsoon all round...
Question Author
Welcome, LiK and Alba. How lovely to see you .
Thank you for the prizes...hope I win the Duraglit and the wellies....strangely enough I too have a pair with one size 4 and one size 10
the wellies will be most useful for wading around the cottage in Polardonia
Good to see Maj back too.
Duraglit, m'lady? Surely you are polished enough...
Christ - could you leave the water out of the Monsoon please, Buttle, all H2O is good for is giving fish a medium to fornicate in.
I have a starting handle from a 1954 Ford Prefect, 16 used tap washers and my old toothbrush, you can have for the riffle.

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