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"Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" the police captain asked the detective. "Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good," nodded the other. "Asked him every question and made every threat we could...
Signs that don't mean what they say: In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice. In a Japanese hotel: You are...
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up...
An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs, and every morning the farmer would head out to feed them. And every morning, he would see all the pigs making baby pigs. He would get turned on by this...
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate....
A man with a glass eye, stands at a bus stop. As a bus arrives he bounces the glass eye on the pavement. When asked what he was doing, he replied " I'm looking to see if there's any room on the top...
A buxom woman walked into the doctor's surgery. The doctor was immediately attracted to her and began to squeeze her knee. "Do you know why I'm doing this?" asked the doctor. "Checking for housemaid's...
The Maid wanted a pay increase. Madam was very upset about this and asked, "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: " Well Madam, there are 3 reasons why I want an increase." "First, I iron...
1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you. 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor. 4. Dogs' parents...
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked. "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on...
A women takes her husband along to a tv show to confess. " I've been working as a prostitute for the last 2 years" she blubs. He is disgusted " Why " he asks, Then he starts to think about the...
An old drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says,...
A man walked into a bar in Chester. The Landlord says, " It's only 10am, were not open until 11am" The man looks crestfallen, even unhappy. " Can I rest my feet, and sit in the corner, until you...
An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site. Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?" Essex Girl:...
A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mum I've got a problem." She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they...
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these...
An Englishman (other nationalities are available) walking through the bush in Africa came across a clearing and saw a huge dead elephant, weighing probably 30 tonnes, with a 2 foot pygmy next to it....
A Police patrol car slowed down to ask a pedestrian if they had seen a shed load of gardening tools along the way. The guy said "go past the traffic lights, past the lay-by, keep going for about a...
An old man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an...
Once upon a time there were two deaf mutes standing on a street corner talking to each other with sign language. Mute1 “What would you like to do?" Mute 2 "I don't know what about you?" Mute1 “Let's...
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