Mad over fifties Club

ladyalex | 20:00 Sat 09th Jul 2011 | Quizzes & Puzzles

180 Answers

The Club is now Open

Welcome one and all to our Club.

Members will be glad to know that lordalex has recovered from his exertions of last week and is safely upstairs with Uncle Joe. The stitches are dissolving slowly and you would hardly know that anything had happened to him.

The Committee has had a request from the Home for the Bewildered , which as you know is next door, asking that we confine ourselves.
This request has been declined. (Although Members are reminded that we do have an oubliette available with hot and cold running walls, should anyone wish to take advantage of it. See Matron for the rental rates...very reasonable.)

So far for tonight's raffle, we have:

Half a tube of polo mints
A bottle of fruity sauce
and
A baseball cap (Burberry)

I am agog to see this week's speciality tailcock, which no doubt will arrive very soon along with the usual array of nibbles and canapes.

Local Cryptic

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Mamyalynne

Good evening Milday. apologies from ttfn who is countrified but may pop in via satellite link.

Also Petal sends this missive

belated grovelling for none attendance last week & feeble excuses for going AWOL today,new dishwasher needs training,last 1 had 1 nervous breakdown too many &'s gone to the machine shop in the sky,also suffering with wind!
please accept a 1 legged stuffed turkey, a WW1 Blimp & a pork pie for the waffle

Mamyalynne

A wonderful array of comestibles awaits and a great variety of Tailcocks includes the special 'Shooshy Spritzer'.

For the ruffle

A shoehorn
Empty book of stamps (2nd class)
A farthing

ladyalex

Question Author

Good evening, Mamyalynne. Lovely to see you again.

Hope ttfn can get hooked up ok...she does gad about , doesn't she...almost as much as I do.

Poor Petal. Hope she has better luck with this wishdasher.
Lovely raffle prizes. She is so thoughtful.
Hope I win the blimp.

ladyalex

Question Author

Shooshy Spritzer sounds right up my street, Mamya.

Does the farthing have a wren on it ?

Mamyalynne

It does

ladyalex

Question Author

Amazing, that. How did they manage to fit a lady sailor on to such a tiny coin? Beggars belief.

Mamyalynne

Truly incredible.

Would you like garnish on your Shooshy?

merciasounds

Can I recommend the Wincarnis and Vicks Vapour rub - with a pickled onion, not a cherry - we don't want to look common, do we? - And I have three slightly rusty ball-bearings from a Fergie tractor, a pair of failed underpants and a stale Bonio doggie treat for the raffle.

DTCwordfan

Good evening, Milady, Mamya, and all. Given the "current state of our nation" (citation, Voltaire - or was it Ampere), I have some carefully selected items for the raffle from our corrupt and semen-soaked society. This week's offering includes:

Pre-copy of the News of the World ~ 17th July edition
Tress of Rebekah Wade’s hair
Coulson’s mobile phone and handcuffs
James Murdoch’s specs, one lens missing
Video on “How to Lie” http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-lie
A copy of “How to Speak Smoothly” by Robert Peston
½ empty bottle of “Fat Ba-stard” wine (red faced)
Torn Norfolk hacking jacket + horse w. only 3 legs (rel. to Shergar)
Free Pass to tour the NoTW printing works
1 News International share certificate. Scrip value in Drachmas.
Set of Ford Prison towels (slightly burnt at the edges)
One broken Spade, signed “The Digger”

Lie-in King

Good evening, m'lady! Glad to hear m'lord is feeling himself again...

Hi mamya! The usual unfeasibly large one, please - hold the garnish, extra Shoosh...

For the kerfuffle, I've rustled up - a toothless rake (be nice), 3 empty free-range egg boxes & a 6 inch growbag, good for bonsai enthusiasts.

Now, who's going to join me in the corner tonight, I wonder?..

Mamyalynne

Wonderful Mercia, there will be a fair clamour for the wiffle tonight, thankyou.

supersuezy24

Hi everyone,
Sorry I am late, was having a late dinner.
Hope you are all well??

ladyalex

Question Author

Hello all and welcome.

Gosh a plethora of raffle prizes. You are all so generous.

I think I'll take my Shooshy Spritzer straight tonight, Mamya.

What are 'failed underpants' dare I ask ?

slinky.kate

good evening all and your maj.got a bit of sun today so i am having a quiet time. i would love a shooshie to cool me down.for the rufflet i have the pick of destiny as i am giving up the dueling banjoes,half a crossword from the latest daily record and some tesco carrier bags.

Mamyalynne

Wow welcome everyone, only popped out to the scullery to get the sausage rolls out.

Oooh maj I like corners being a wallflower.

DTCwordfan

My one "verse" offering tonight for y'all as I may buqqer off to a house of ill-repute known as the Hawkins Arms.

Thanks to Kenneth Patchen for the base verse to this.

“Ode to the Demise of the News and Screws”

We must be slow and delicate; return
the Ed's stare with some esteem,
remember this is not a shadow play
of questions and answers but this is now
the time to write it down, record the words—

I mean we should have left some Petal pride
of youth and not forget the idiocy of men
who take just the Screws and Daily Mail
they've read about at breakfast in Boxtop’s restaurant:

"The Castle is Open."—without regret or bitterness
obtain the measure of the words we make,
the latest thread has chosen a theme of The Mad Over 50s Club
delivering us a Mamya tailcock hangover—destroy. . . ?

why no. . . this too is fanciful. . . funny how
hard it is to be slow and delicate, like Tigwig, in this
this thing of framing words to mark this conclave,
I mean nothing short of drinks in every street
on earth can fitly voice our loss of AB sanity.

The News of the World is rabidly dead
Gone to the proverbial Wall.
What now will AOG, Geezer and crew use
To stir the lefties, reds and Blues
Generate tension and suspension, always under Ed’s call.

Alex’s Club is the Answer!
Bank in the wit of TTFN humour, Society advice and Nonna’s Notions
Never minding Helen’s Melons, Jogger’s naughty Potions
NoM’s wine list – well it must be seven thirty? Gins from Albaqwerty.
Raffles from Slinky Kate, meat ex Lie-in-King, Meg’s tricks and Suezy’s licks.
And HalifaxMum’s turns away “Ummms, (AB gaol) Dumbs and Bums,”
Not to forget Juicy titbits from Merica and AnswerPrancer

The Day complete. No need now for any NoTW
One more tailcock and Mamya will double you.
The Portals are closed, Alexander long dozed
A Coffee from Starbuckone sees us soon into “Zion.”

The Mad Over 50s Club; Answers derisive, fun to all and sundry
Murdoch, Wade and Hackers, tried and prison scrubbed.
If no bars, then well and truly AB snubbed.
All of us? The difference is? ~ We’re here next Sunday.