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Voltage

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Voltage

I Went To The Zoo

I went to the zoo this morning only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped. It was otter chaos....
19:13 Mon 04th Dec 201711 answers, last by Chipchopper 10:24 Tue 05th Dec 2017
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At The Door!

The dog is barking at the backdoor and the wife is yelling at the front door. Who do you let in first? The dog, because he’ll shut up when he comes in....
07:02 Mon 04th Dec 20176 answers, last by 1ozzy 08:52 Mon 04th Dec 2017
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In A Band!

Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet. We’re a cover band....
16:44 Sun 03rd Dec 201717 answers, last by Chipchopper 00:12 Mon 04th Dec 2017
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A Piece Of Sandpaper!

A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar. The bartender says "what will it be?" The sandpaper goes " I've had a really bad day i just need something to take the edge off"...
12:10 Sat 02nd Dec 20175 answers, last by Shaglene 11:36 Sun 03rd Dec 2017
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Tinsel!

Tampax have announced that they will be replacing their traditional tampon string with tinsel. This will be for the Christmas Period only....
07:08 Fri 01st Dec 20175 answers, last by marval 18:21 Fri 01st Dec 2017
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Trip To Egypt!

My wife just asked me, “When we go to Egypt, can we go on a camel?” I said "you're having a laugh it'll take ages to get there on a camel!”...
14:53 Mon 27th Nov 201713 answers, last by -Talbot- 23:28 Mon 27th Nov 2017
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Online Shopping!

I ordered some stuff online today and I mistakenly used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card. Cost me an arm and a leg....
21:05 Sat 25th Nov 20174 answers, last by DTCwordfan 18:27 Sun 26th Nov 2017
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The Phone Rang.

I think my wife sells drugs? As I was leaving the phone rang. When I answered it the bloke on the other end said "has that dope gone yet?"...
10:22 Sat 25th Nov 20173 answers, last by zebo 12:50 Sat 25th Nov 2017
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So Very True!!

Women your husband is the best person to tell your secrets too! He won't tell anyone because he wasn't even listening in the first place....
20:12 Fri 24th Nov 20173 answers, last by Shaglene 13:12 Sat 25th Nov 2017
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At B&q Earlier!

Just got banned from B&Q, some bloke in an orange apron came up to me and asked if I wanted decking!! Lucky I got the first punch in....
17:02 Fri 24th Nov 20173 answers, last by DTCwordfan 18:00 Fri 24th Nov 2017
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Black Friday Sale!!

For sale, broken canary. Not going cheap. For sale, broken quiz machine. No questions asked. For sale, packet of polo's Unopened, mint condition. For Sale, limited edition bottle of Tippex It's a...
12:07 Fri 24th Nov 20174 answers, last by Patsy33 12:22 Fri 24th Nov 2017
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Looking At The Mirror!

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror I thought to myself... "I'm going to get thrown out of IKEA in a minute!"...
19:11 Thu 23rd Nov 20174 answers, last by murraymints 13:14 Fri 24th Nov 2017
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Cooked Dinner...

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner... So I took the battery out of the smoke detector!...
18:04 Thu 23rd Nov 20178 answers, last by Patsy33 19:19 Thu 23rd Nov 2017
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Crystal Ball.

last night went to see a psychic and accidentally broke her crystal ball. It cost me a fortune....
12:21 Thu 23rd Nov 20175 answers, last by Shaglene 13:19 Fri 24th Nov 2017
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In A Restaurant

I was arguing with the wife in a restaurant when my best mate ran off with the garlic bread, macho peas and coleslaw. I wish he would stop taking sides!...
09:05 Thu 23rd Nov 201710 answers, last by jno 15:25 Thu 23rd Nov 2017
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In The Shower!

The Mrs got in the shower with me this morning. She said “Mmmmm baby, I want you to do bad things to me.” So I put shampoo in her eyes....
12:09 Wed 22nd Nov 20178 answers, last by Shaglene 14:53 Wed 22nd Nov 2017
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Cure For Dyslexia

When I heard they had found a cure for dyslexia, it was like music to my @rse.
10:33 Wed 22nd Nov 20174 answers, last by Patsy33 11:48 Wed 22nd Nov 2017
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Air Conditioning.

A funeral was held today for the inventor of air conditioning. Thousands of fans attended....
19:25 Tue 21st Nov 20173 answers, last by Klemantine 09:55 Wed 06th Nov 2019
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Two For One!

Did you hear about the dyslexic gynaecologist? He wants to look at your vinegar. Did you hear about the blind gynaecologist? He could lip-read....
16:05 Tue 21st Nov 20171 answer, last by Patsy33 16:55 Tue 21st Nov 2017
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Lunch In The Pub!

I've just been to lunch in a disgusting pub called "The Fiddle" It really was a vile inn....
13:46 Tue 21st Nov 20179 answers, last by Patsy33 14:53 Tue 21st Nov 2017

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