Thanks everyone, mainly hau kola, andy-hughes, drisgirl and pastafreak for being honest and I'm really sorry for what you have all been through. I wasn't being morbid or nosey. As I said, my mate thinks that nobody has ever been through what she's been through (breaking a finger !) so she should look at this and know what real tragedy is.
I'm closing this thread now cos no doubt someone will accuse me of being morbid again.