I'd choose a waiter's friend. Then I'd open several bottles of wine, drink the lot and take my chances.
By the way, I was going to question whether Bob could really keep posting "I'm new here", in nearly every post, after being an AB member for 13½ years but then I remembered that I live in Suffolk. Everyone who moves into this county is regarded with great suspicion, as a 'newcomer', for at least their first 20 years here. So, on that basis, Bob is still very definitely 'new' ;-)