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Christmas in our PC world

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Slapshot | 00:32 Fri 23rd Dec 2011 | Jokes
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It is important that this risk assessment be taken into account by all Staff contemplating participation in any official or professional capacity at any religeously related song concert or similar event during the impending Mid-Winter Festival.

"As shepherds watch their flocks by night"
It is highly undesirable for all the shepherds to watch their flocks by night. To avoid excessive working hours the shepherds should either have a rota or use an out of hours provider. This line should preferably be modified to avoid encouraging a long hours culture.

"All seated on the ground"
Due to the uncontrolled nature of the lie of the land it is unlikely that the ground will provide an ergonomically suitable seating position. Properly designed seating should be used. The line should be modified to reflect this.

"The angel of the Lord came down"
To avoid miss-diagnosis as a schizophrenic experience it is important to ensure that this visit be properly documented either through a file note signed by the angel or through photographic evidence.

"And glory shone around"
In the absence of adequate research about the effects of such divine glory on the retina it is suggested that exposure be limited to 15 minutes.

"Once in royal David's city In a lowly cattle shed Where a mother laid her baby In a manger for a bed"

The Nursing and Midwifery Council have confirmed that in no circumstances can this practice be endorsed due to the risk of neonatal tetanus. This carol should not be used as it is in breach of child protection policies.

"Away in a manger No crib for a bed"
These lines should be modified to comply with child protection Policies.

"The little Lord Jesus Laid down his sweet head"
In view of current obesity problems the word "sweet" should not be used to imply adorability. A less semantically challenging word, such as "cute" should be used instead. It is also important that the correct sleeping position be emphasised as a footnote to this carol.

"Ding dong merrily on high" "Hark the herald angels sing"
Reference to noise abatement regulations should be added in each case.

"God rest ye merry gentlemen Let nothing you dismay"
The word merry could be taken to imply the consumption of excessive Alcohol and therefore this could be seen as an endorsement of binge drinking. The second line however demonstrates the overconfidence induced by excess alcohol consumption. The carol is therefore potentially educative if linked to appropriate educational material. It should not however be used in other settings.

"Good King Wenceslas looked out"
This is a seriously irresponsible carol encouraging senior managers to leave their posts during a major adverse weather incident in order to embark on a dangerous quest to rescue a single individual, putting a member of their staff (the page) at risk in the same ill-founded endeavour. Had Wenceslas attended properly to his duties he could have arranged for the clearance of snow from the forest roads allowing social security officials to reach the poor man in the normal way. This carol must not be used except as a negative example in a training exercise.

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I need to lie down, when I saw the headline I thought it referred to the com puter shops!
Good one, have seen another like it.
So did I as I thought maybe lap tops had originated in Lapland
Nice one!

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