News1 min ago
Two Guys in their Mid-Twenties, are sitting at a Bar having a Beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man, you really look tired.” His Buddy says, “Mate, I'm exhausted. My Girlfriend wants Sex all...
Two little boys stole a load of apples from a neighbours apple tree. They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over...
I told my friend: "Whatever you do, don't use that 12 inch long cotton bud that I've left on the bathroom shelf",
but did she listen?
No! It just went in one ear and out the other....
A woman called her husband during the day and asked him to pick up some organic vegetables for that night’s dinner on his way home. The husband arrived at the store and began to search all over for...
Saw a porn film last night. A woman was giving a hand job to a joiner, a plumber, an electrician and a plasterer... It was called, "Jack Off All Trades!" ___ A man goes to confession after a long...
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. ''Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost £300.'' ''Easy, Dad,'' the boy...
Two interesting facts about me.
Number 1. My penis is the same length as an Argos pen .
Number 2. I'm banned from Argos....
I walked into the living room this morning and there was a fella in a canal boat. I shouted: "Oi!!.. you can't come barging in here!" ___ I was drinking a beer and the bartender yelled “Does anyone...
A friend of mine always refused to use anyone else's laptop, ipad or smartphone. So in the end we left him to his own devices. ___ I went to a mulch seminar . The presenter covered a lot of ground....
The doctor said 'Dont eat anything fatty.'
I said you mean like burgers and crisps?
No I mean 'Fatty dont eat anything'...
I've been volunteering at the local church.. It took some grafting, but I cant wait for them to see what a great job Ive done of getting rid of all the stains on the windows. ___ Bigfoot often gets...
A Man goes into a Bakers and asks for 2 Bread Rolls..?? The Shop Man picks them up with the Tongs and puts them in a Paper Bag, He then asks for 2 Cakes the Shop Man picks them up with the Tongs and...
While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were...
I told my wife today that she had the memory of a goldfish. She was fuming!! Well for about 3 seconds. ___ A friend recently went to Middle Eastern restaurant for dinner. Sadly, soon after finishing...
This man from South Yorkshire is in a field with his girlfriend when he notices an old tree stump. "Ey oop, See that there stump", he says, "I had sex with my first girlfriend behind that booger!...
Two flies were on the top of a cornflake box. One started running about, the other said "Why are you doing that?, " because it says tear along the dotted line!"....
many years ago at the bottom of the valley there was a chapel, the locals thought it was getting a bit tatty looking on the outside so times being hard they all clubbed together to buy a tin of...
A truck driver stopped by a bar after a few days on the road. Went to the bar counter and ordered a stout. After 3 glasses, he ask the bartender.. Trucker : 'Hey bro, i am horny, any hooker i can get...
A 50 year old woman spent £10,000 on a face lift and was amazed at the result as she felt it made it look so much younger. Pleased how she looked she went into a clothes shop, and when the assistant...
Old Willy is having difficulty making his way home after a bout of heavy drinking with his cronies. After some struggle he is now at his front door checking all his pockets for his door key but to no...
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