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Terminal Illness

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Lindylou | 20:19 Tue 19th Dec 2017 | Body & Soul
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My lovely daugher in law, mum to my 2 year old grandchild, has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. My son is in bits and my grandchild is bewildered as to why mummy can't play any more. How do I explain/help?

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I am so sorry to hear this. I can't help but I do wish that the near future is as painless as possible for all of you. x
Oh My... I'm so very sorry Lindy. I knew I would be in the same boat not knowing what to say. Such dreadful news for you all :o( xx
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are all going through. I haven't really got any advice for you apart from just be there for them when they need you and take each day as it comes. Please try and stay strong for them but be prepared to cry together. X
chat it through with your dillie to how best you can help out.......best bang for your buck etc! Good luck and it's not easy......
I don't know whether this will help you or not - but my friend was diagnosed terminal ill 8 years ago and she is still going strong. Let's hope for daughter-in-law.
I am sorry about your bad news. Which cancer does your daughter in law have?
Our daughter-in-law died of cancer but our grandson was at secondary school so he did understand a lot of what was happening. She was told in the September that she would be lucky to see Christmas and she died over two and a half years later in the May so they don't always get the dates right. How is your DIL? Is she able to make a memory box or write him some letters to be opened on his birthdays or other special days? Our thoughts are with you and your son and the little fellow. xx
How awful, I'm really sorry. One of my friend's died from cancer with 3 children- one was only 2 and she did as bakers dozen suggested with letters and videos. Just lots of love and support. There may be some organisations which can help with what to say/do for the little one xx
I am extremely sorry to hear this

What an awful time for your family, you can't explain terminal illness easily to such a young child.

Just say Mummy is not well enough to play rough games and try to find a few minutes here and there for quiet play when she's up to it.

Definitely a memory box and lots of happy photos.

Sending you strength to cope.x
I am very sorry to hear this, I think a memory box is a good idea. You can help just by being there, when you need them.
This site might give you some advice.
https://www.cancer.org/treatment/children-and-cancer/when-a-family-member-has-cancer/dealing-with-parents-terminal-illness.html
At this stage perhaps just tell the grandchild that mummy is not well; she is feeling poorly, and so can't play now. Children know what it is to not feel well.
Cant give any advice/help as I've never been in this position but just want to echo the thoughts of others that have replied here Lindy. Thoughts are with you and family. How old is Daughter in Law?
So awful for you all, and I'm so sorry, as others have said, make memories. The little one will in years to come not remember her much first hand so if she's somewhat well enough at the moment take lots of video of them together, let her speak to them and leave a video diary maybe as well, it's far easier to see the love and emotion on a video and it sparks real but distant memories. No need for it to be shot on anything expensive, just a good quality phone will do, but make sure you upload it to a couple of separate clouds, that way if the phone is lost or stolen or the computer drive goes down you always have a back up copy. I'm sorry this is all a bit practical but I seriously am so sorry :( xxx
Firstly, may I say how sorry I am that you're going through this experience.

I work in Cancer Services and recently attended a "Death Matters" Seminar which touched upon the subject of how to discuss matters with children.

When the time comes you should avoid confusing phrases such as "passed away" which sounds like she may come back or "we lost mummy" which sounds like she may be found at some point. Questions should never be ignored or met with silence as it might make the child think they're being bad by talking about it and its perfectly okay for an adult to show their emotion in front of a child - grief should never be hidden or something to be ashamed of.

I tend to offer more practical advice in these situations, which I hope is okay. If it's any help at all, I can try and get some leaflets for you, though your daughter-in-law's Oncology Team should be able to source these.
Sorry to hear this Lindylou. Winston's Wish is a charity that helps bereaved children and also provides advice in a situation like this.Hope this helps
awful awful for you all ,we went through this last year and all I can say is be there for them all ,it is so hard especially as your grandchild is so young .councillors helped my grandchildren cope but they were older .xx
So sorry to hear this Lindy. I echo mamyas post. I found this, explaining the analogy of flowers wilting / the cycle of life, easy U think for a child of 2 to understand x
https://www.netmums.com/child/helping-children-cope-with-bereavement
U ... 'I'

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