Easier for Men or Women?

[Rubyrose]

Do you think it is easier for a man to get with a woman who already has a child with someone else? Or for a woman to get with a man who already has a child with someone else?

I have a couple of friends who have children or a child and they are no longer with that childs father, and they don't have trouble dating or meeting guys as guys are always very accepting of the fact that they have children and they don't seem to mind at all. I don't have many male friends with kids who aren't with the mother but I always thought it was easier for a girl to meet a guy and have him accept her children than the other way round.

Guys - Have you/ Could you date a woman who already has children and would it bother you at all?

[Octavius]

I have and would (circumstances prevailing) get with a woman who had children, I wouldn't see children as a barrier to forming a new relationship.

Mrs O however would never consider dating a man who already had children with someone else.

[Rubyrose]

Octavius - Does Mrs O say why that is?

[Octavius]

Ruby, I think it is just a general mindset of �other peoples children�. Nothing against the fathers. She hasn�t really said, but perhaps as said before she might feel that a connection remains and couldn�t be deailing with someone elses children and a partner who disappears every 5 minutes to see them, whilst also seeing their ex.

In a similar vein she would never consider adopting or foster care for a child, whereas I would � if the situation presented itself � love to give an abandoned child, support in a loving happy home.

It is probably the only major issue we have very contrasting opinions on. Well, that and the m�nage a trois!!

[Rubyrose]

Octavius - That is my reasoning too.. that a connection may still remain and you would be dealing with a partner who keep dissapearing and seeing their child AND partner. But also perhaps spending so much time with your child that you and your ex 'reconnect' and decide to try again! I don't know!

I would however, consider adopting. That never bothered me.

[legend758duo]

i think that very few folk still have a connection.
i guess youve had to be thru it.
splitting up from a partner whom youve been married to for a long time and leaving yuor kids with them is one of the most traumatic thing that you can go thru.second only to bereavement they say.
its not likefalling out with a boyfriend theres so much more to it .
but once youve suffered such pain .
what part of you would be stupid enought o go back??
unless you like getting hurt.
no you move on and put it behind you.
one day you might find this out.
if you do then you will realise .
but no amount of talking will ever get it across to you as much as the experience of it having happened to you.

[wonder years]

it seems to me in this age we live and seperation and divorce rate high , the situation you are talking about is more common than it ever was and has become more acceptable and if two people want to be together then either way round man with kids woman with kids its the same and it properbly will be harder to work at the relasionship in thease circumstances but you know that saying love concours all people are more accoadating to a given situation if the want it to work

[wonder years]

i meant more acommodating

[Pippa68]

I heard a report on the radio the other day which said that in the UK we will soon have more stepfamilies than we have birth families.

legend ~ spot on with your post there, matey. Mr P had his little girl taken away from him and had to fight tooth and nail for contact ith her. To be honest it made me feel MORE secure with him..after all, if he wasn't prepared to fight for his child and want to see her, would he be a loyal dad to our children together? worth a thought...

It has been very hard over the last 12 years ~ dealing with all the cr4p his ex throws at us..but that's life, eh? at the end of the day we have a lovely family, gorgeous kids and I wouldn't be without Mr P for the world.

[tiggertan]

Hi Ruby, does your partner have a child? Mine does and whilst I get on great with him (he's 3 years old), I'm not over the moon with the situation. It's always in the back of my mind that if we had our own children, it wouldn't be as exciting for him as he watched his first son being born. He had split with his now ex but was still there fo her. He's a great Dad but I have my doubts about our children being as special and exciting as his first born son.
X.

[Pippa68]

I had the same worry, tiggertan..especially as Mr P had spent the first year of our relationship telling me that no child would ever be as special to him as his daughter.

I needn't have worried. Just as every child is special to a mother (my first is no more special than my fourth!) the same applies to fathers.

In fact it could be said that our first child together may have been MORE special to him ~ as he has been able to see her every day and watch her grow & develop...something he didn't have with his first child.

[Rubyrose]

Tiggertan - I don't have a partner but am kind of 'seeing' (and I use the term losely), a guy who has a 2yr old. It just got me thinking and although I have known him for about 8-9yrs, we have only just got back in touch and it's weird to see him with a kid. Nice as he is a good dad but weird. I wondered how it affected other people but my thoughts were exactly the same as yours. I thought if anything ever happened (and I am thinking waaay down the line here) but I thought he would never be as excited about our klids as he would have been about his first born! But.... we shall see were it goes first.. I am thinking lightyears ahead! But I know it's something that will bug me!