Be Careful What You Wish For...

[Chipchopper]

I said to my wife: "I want to see a good square meal on the table when I get home from work".
When I got home that night, all I found was a slice of bread on the table.

[Tilly2]

My bread is rectangular.

[Mamyalynne]

Went to the cocktail bar and asked for a large punch - the bruises are fading.

[guilliebrougues]

well I'm a frayed knot.

[DTCwordfan]

My recent paid study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

[DTCwordfan]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

[webbo3]

My old Grandad use to say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".......................until the accident.



Dave.

[DTCwordfan]

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen

[marval]

My wife wanted to go to the ballet. I said: ‘I’m not going to sit and watch a lot of people on their toes in long underwear.’ She said: ‘You don’t have to. Wear your tuxedo.’

[DTCwordfan]

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

[Chipchopper]

Tilly, you are the exception to the Rule.

DT, I'm sure that's true!....and those live cray fish in the Titanic were very fortunate.

Webbo, Dying words can be very poignant

[stocksman]

I got an OXO cube