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Massive Fallout With My Family Had To Report Dad To Gp For Driving While Ill With Heart Issues

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gordiescotland1 | 19:53 Thu 20th Jul 2017 | Family & Relationships
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I am majorly stressed I have had a massive bustup with my family. I had to make a decision that was very difficult and have had massive backlash. I am so stressed it is unbelievable. Last Friday my dad told me that when he was driving on the motorway to help my over dependent sister at 53 on a 200 mile round trip. he thought he was going to pass out and his heart was irregular. He pulled in on the hard shoulder until he felt better. He then went on to the services and had something to drink until he thought he could go on. This caused me great concern. This has been happeneing sporadically on and off in the house but never on the road, he has had several ECGs at GP but nothing showed up. I have told and told my mother to ring 999 when it happens so they can get a recording when its happening. I did not know that on Monday he was going through again with my mother. My mother phoned me on Monday from my sisters and told me that it had happened again. And he had to pull over gasping for breath and dizzy, this caused me so much concern that I made an appointment with my GP who is the same as my dads that afternoon and told him what had been happening I did this for fear that my dad might have a crash, kill my mother himself or God forbid an innocent driver. I had no choice. I told my uncle and he backs me 100%, like my sister in law in England who is a GP. My uncles son was killed my cousin 4 years in Australia and his friend both pedestrians, was paralysed with spinal injuries after a driver lost control of the car after suffering an episode of SVT and fainted at the wheel and hit the accelator but she had been feeling ill for weeks. My GP was most concerned and told me to tell them he had not to drive until GP had seen him and if he didn’t phone within 24 hours he would phone him. I told my sister this and asked her to drive him home and the response was violent telling me I had no right to interfere in something like this and I was a meddler and a snitch. I do not regret what I did. She did drive him home and her partner drove his car home. For the next 24 hours we exchanged violent messages on texts she sent me 72 she told me how stupid useless and awful I was and that I have not worked for years. It ended with her telling me she never wanted to see me again and I was dead to her. I am quite happy with that I will never speak to her again, I changed my number. My uncle is acting reluctantly as a go between me and my parents not spoken to my parents for 3 days I have been told that they don’t want to see me and to get out of their lives, fine maybe I need to stand on my own two feet we live 1 mile away and I have been there for meals a lot but this silence has never happened. He has been to the GP and been referred urgently to cardiology. GP suspects atrial fibrillation or mitral valve problem. He is banned from driving temporarily until he knows what is happening. I was not expecting this backlash. Another worry is my sister is divorced and living with a new partner who is financially controlling and manipulative all she does is phone mum telling her how much she hates him and miserable she is, dad is worried sick, my brother tells me that it was his birthday last weekend and all dad did was talk about how worried he was about my sister. I still have her email addresss I want to email her and tell her to stop bothering mum and dad and to put up and shutup or get out of the relationship. I told her by text nobody likes her boyfriend and if my dad dies of a heart attack it is her fault, all the stress she has put him under. I am worried that this will send him over the edge. I am not planning on going to see them as there is tension between mum and me and we argue quite a bit so its not good for dad to be around that. I just feel I am cracking up went to GP and he has given me sleeping pills. Did I do the right thing? I am certain I did but with all this animosity I am beginning to wonder


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You did the right thing for the right reasons.

You are just going to have to wait and see if they all calm down and see that you had to do something. Don't contact your sister about her partner, alienating her is not going to help.

Just chill and breathe slowly and listen to a purring cat
You've rocked the boat and sadly there will always be fallout when we do that - BUT, and it's a big but, you did it because you care.

Let the dust settle, don't respond to nasty emails and see how things go.
Next time they give you hassel just remind them of the Glasgow scaffy lorry.
You did the right thing. Now you must be patient. Await the findings from the medical diagnosis, and in the meantime keep a low profile. It my yet be that you have saved your Father's life, and others as well, by doing the brave but hard thing.
Agree with Wolfie and mamya - you did the right thing. You only had the welfare of people at heart.
You did the right thing. Sadly doing the right thing is often not the popular thing or the thing that gets you liked but it remains the right thing.
You have always described yourself as being panicky, dependent on your parents a lot but now you know you have great strengths when hardy comes to hardy. What you did needed a lot of courage. Good for you Gordie.
I agree, you did do the right thing. Them not speaking to you is their problem, if they don't realise the danger your Dad's driving posed, that is worrying.

Well done for caring.
I don't think that you could have done anything else....if you had ignored your fathers health problems you may have had several deaths or life changing injuries on your conscience. I would like to pat you on the back and tell you 'well done'. You have been very brave. Now it would be a good idea to keep your head down and let the dust settle. Don't get involved in rows with your sounds as if some have their own problems to cope with. As has already been advised - take time to relax and let the madness pass over your head...a purring cat or a cuddle with a dog is always good.
I agree with everyone, you did the right thing. I'm sorry your family seem to have abandoned common sense but it will probably pass. Don't get into a fight with your sister, nobody wins. For the rest, just wait it out and maybe find somewhere else to eat in the meantime.
'did I do the right thing?'

families eh? who'd have 'em?

Don't rely on the sleeping pills tho.
Most of my family don't speak to me, including one of my sisters and all her kids. I couldn't give a toss anymore. Ive always looked out for them and been there for them but somehow its always been me in the wrong so I simply cut them out of my life after 50 years. It took me a long while to realise that some people just arnt worth the effort, even if they are family.
You 100% did the right thing,
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Thank you all for your responses it has really helped me my cat as always is my very loving relaxing friend.
You absolutely did the right thing. What if he had killed someone during one of these episodes?
I wonder how your family have felt whilst supporting you through your many crises.

Could it be time to return the support you've received?
Yes, you were right to be worried, but it sounds as if you snapped over this and other things got involved. There must have been a lot of background tensions involved for things to escalate this far. (OH has heart issues and drives perfectly safely (with GPs blessing)). Perhaps a better approach would have been to insist on an immediate A & E visit. But you know that it is not all about that. It is about you and your family. This relationship goes back lifelong and I am afraid that you can no longer brush it under the carpet. You have hard thinking and decisions to make. You sent some challenging emails and people reacted. Now the ball is in your court.
Please do not send emails without very deep thought. I shall be thinking of you. You are stronger than you think you are. x
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Ecclescake I am very willing to help them but they can be very stubborn and dont want to admit they need help. We have a very complex relationship they have been brilliant to me and I told them that I did what I did out of sheer fear of what could happen it wasnt any malice involved
Probably one of the doctors he will have to see will tell him he should have given up driving at least five years before, and it is only the greatest good luck that he hasn't killed or been killed since that time. Then perhaps he and the rest of the family will realise you were right. This very thing could have happened with my own father, who could see far less than he thought he could, and wouldn't be told otherwise. No need for you to do any more until some of the dust settles. You have a right to a clear conscience.
you did the right thing
I agree with wolf

you just have to wait and see.

It boils down to - a family is getting older and one person is assisting and helping and has to accept that age is such that what he could do then - he cant do now
The driver has quite a good cardiac history and needs (yet another) 24 h ECG.

oh // GP suspects atrial fibrillation or mitral valve problem.//
yeah so do I ( on the numbers game)
Agree wholeheartedly. You have done the right thing, could it be blood sugar levels? Whatever it is, you have tried to negate the problem so your conscience can be clear, however your family react. Take care love.

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