Difficult post for me to make

[B00]

As quite a few of you know, my daughter was expecting twins, however we were recently advised that she was having what is termed a Mono-amniotic pregnancy, and that the outcome wasn't great. During her fortnightly scan yesterday we were told that both babies had died.

She has now got to wait until Saturday to be admitted to the delivery suite at the hospital where she will be given a pessary (sp) every 3 hours to bring on labour.

She has- to all our horror, got to delivery these babies as normal.

I've pondered since yesterday whether to make this post, however as a few of of you knew about her pregnancy and the difficulties involved I thought it right to let you know.

I'm not really a praying person, but since yesterday I have been doing- I honestly don't know how we're going to get through Saturday and the weeks/months to follow.

If anyone feels this post is a bit too depressing, feel free to report it, it has however helped slightly to write it down.

Thanks for listening.
Boo

[megan07]

Boo, i am still thinking of you, and your family, be strong sweetheart, all my love, christine. xx a.k.a. megan.

[B00]

Thank you for the further kind messages i've received and those through the PM thingy in SAB.

I've unexpectedly got the day to myself today- as my daughter is spending the day with her dad (unless she 'starts'- then its straight to hospital) and Mini Boo is spending the weekend with her grandad. So I'm basically going to potter around getting things organised for us going into hospital tomorrow, which frankly im terrified of doing, god only knows what my daughter is feeling. I've tried talking to her, as we and the hospital want to know what she and her boyfriend what to do with the babies afterwards, but she refuses to talk about that aspect, so we're no further on there.

So i'll be mooching around here today as well (sorry...lol).

Once again, thank you all your lovely messages, whilst making me cry all over again have been lovely to read- we really are a sort of family on here aren't we?

[4getmenot]

yer but you'd have to be my mum :-) I'm far to young to be a sister :-)

[China Doll]

Yep... Although you're obviously a lot older than me ;0P

You alright poppet? Wasn't able to get on t'internet last night so not been around PM thingybob or owt else.

Your daughter probably just doesn't want to think about it at the moment and is trying to stay strong until tomorrow. Let it be, she'll be in a better place to decide when she's got the labour out of the way and let go of the emotions she's holding in.

[redcrx]

it is a little family on here B00 and Im hope that you are getting some comfort from it in some way.

We are all here for you so if you feel lonely or tearful or just want to forget about real life for a time today then just say.

xx

[Pippa68]

I agree, this is a little family.

However they do say that you can't choose your family so some of us you will just have to put up with ;o)

Big hugs, sister BOO xxxxxx

[B00]

Yeah, i know that CD- she seems to be doing the 'getting through each hour as it happens' kind thing. I'm just scared she still won't decide after it's over and the babies will have to stay at the mortuary until she decided, that's upsetting me more than I can say- it's a kind of limbo thing and i really don't want that to happen.

[China Doll]

I know bubs but it might be that this is what she does and as horrible as it is for you it has to be her decision all the way. It's heart breaking to think that she might not yet know but she will, just maybe not straight away.

[B00]

Cheers guys- im trying not to cry again (bloody eyes are throbbing!) as Mini Boo not gone yet and she gets upset when I cry, will wait till my dad picks her up before start blubbing again.

[Pippa68]

BOO ~ see what happens when the time comes. Your daughter may get into 'organisation' mode quicker than you think..but if she doesn't (and that is also understandable) maybe she will want someone else to take over and decide?

It is a very difficult thing to deal with. My mother had a stillborn daughter, and as she couldn't or wouldn't cope with arrangements her parents did it all..and she was extrememly grateful for this, although sometimes she went through the torment of feeling guilty about not taking charge of her childs destiny.

It's so very hard to know what to do..

[tiggerblue10]

Oh Boo, I'm so sorry for your daughters loss. Its difficult to know what to say in such circumstances however I think all the previous posts have said it all.

Thinking of you xxx

[bigmamma]

I think it's your daughters natural preservation automatic shut down BOO to cope with the shock. My neice lost her baby at a day old , full term baby, and she cut herself off afterwards , not able to decide , and it was my sister , the babys grandma, who collected baby from the morg and dressed him in his little outfit . I can't say more than I hope that she will be able to decide later. My neices baby had a proper funeral and it was a while til she visited it but now takes comfort greatly that she knows where he is .

[Jules001]

Boo - only just read this sad, sad news and I really don't think I can say anything that will make the hurt that you all must be feeling go away, so I am sending cyber hugs (( )) and will keep you in my thoughts. Tomorrow will be very difficult, but you are strong and I am sure that you will help your daughter through it and you will both come out the other side that much stronger. I believe that everything happens for a reason, however hard it can be to understand or deal with at the time.
Your post has really brought the caring side of AB out and I hope that you can take some comfort from knowing that many people on here are thinking of you at this difficult time.

Jules

[B00]

Yes, i know you're right BM, guess im asking too much for her to make a decision about it now. They've advised her that if they (her & BF) want to, they can have the babies wrappped in blankets and photos taken with them- maybe she'll be clearer once they're actually "there"???

[beryllium]

Hi B00,
mr B and I had a quiet moment for you and family last night.
We both send our love.

When a friend of ours lost her baby, she and her husband had a burial and the garden of remembrance at the hospital has babys name there too.

Our thoughts are with you.

B. xxxxxxxxx

[B00]

Jules- thank you xxx

[China Doll]

Well I didn't want to say anything about that but yes, it's standard practice (where possible) for when the babies are here to let mum and dad have some time with them to say goodbye. Often things become a little clearer then in the sense that it brings it home and encourages thought about how you want and where you want to remember them.

[bigmamma]

My neice had a photo taken with hers in the neonatal unit after he had gone and its a beautiful one , not happy to have it taken at the time but now it's on her bookcase .

[radiogaga]

hello boo. i am so sorry to read whats happened to your family, daughter and the babies.
i have had the same experience in october 1999. where my pregnancy suddenly ended. i was 27 weeks gone.
it was a little boy - we called him oakar.
it was all so sudden and all so surreal. i also was sent home for this news to sink in, and then told to arrive back at the hospital for my "labour" the next day.
the midwife asked me before he was born did i want to see him? i said no - i did not feel strong enough, he was taken and dressed and put in the hospital mortuary.
the hospital arranged the funeral and everything.
oskar was buiried with all the other wee souls who'd been born asleep, together in the graveyard, it gave us comfort knowing he'd not be alone.
i hope the hospital can provide counselling for your daughter, there are many organisations who can help.
i am so sorry you are all feeling this pain. as it's one of the hardest when babies die. radio.xxxxxx

[spanner7853]

god thats awful. Having suffered a miscarriage late on myself and having to deliver it I know exactly how she must be feeling. Big hugs to all of you at this horrible time.