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tazz | 13:08 Tue 30th Oct 2007 | Parenting
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hi i have a 3 yr old boy and 20 month old girl, the prob is my boy will not share with his sister. he takes everything away from her even when he aint even playing with it. its really getting me down now. what can i do?
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Probably doing it to get attention.
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i`ve tried telling him off and ignoring it, but nothing seems to work
Sharing is not natural to children - they are totally ego-centric, so it hs to be taught to them.

Whwn your son takes a toy off his sister, take it away from him, and tell him that he can have a turn later, but it is her turn now. When he tries to take the toy, and he will, take itr from him and give it back to her, and tell him firmly that he must share, because it makes you happy.

If her persists, remove him from the area, and find him something esle to play with. He will eventually realise that giving up something gets praise, and you must praise him lavishly hen he does share.

Enforcing the message like this will get the concept through to him, but you need patience.

Good luck.
Yes, getting them to share is the answer. I would never remove one of the children from an area, but rather pass something else to the child who was being difficult, and tell them that they could join in again after a certain amount of time'd lapsed.
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i`ve tried giving him other toys but he just throws it. sometimes he takes the toys away n hides them, i do all these things to get them to share everyday but nothing works with him. hes very head strong.
Maybe, but you are the parent, and in these battles of will you can, and you must win.

Be firm, be persistent, and you will win in the end.

Make sure you encourage your son to share, and make sure you praise him lavishly when he does. That said, he must be entitled to have a fair go at his own toys - your daughter has to learn to share as well.

As long as you are calm and consistent, so they both see the rules applied fairly, you will find it will get easier.

Trust me - three daughters, I know how this works!
One of the most common mistakes a parent can make is assuming you are the boss or have control. Like adults, you will get a lot more co-operation if you explain WHY you think they should change their behaviour. A more gentle way is to play games together where you have to take turns as part of the play. This teaches him about fairness and sharing. Don't expect immediate results but they will come.

Later when it comes to an individual toy I would suggest you get some kiddie safe sand egg timers. (they come in 1,2,5,10 & 15 minutes versions). Start off by taking the toy, getting his attention and explaining that you are going to "take turns", use a short timer (1 Min) and tell him his sister goes first and it will be his turn when the sand runs out.

Afterwards you can use this with any situation, it is also a sneaky tactic to have another toy that each child likes around so that when the sand runs out they can swap toys.

These techniques are often used for Autistic children who lack social skills, I am NOT saying your child is Autistic just explaining the source of the knowledge. If you do not know much about autism visit http://www.think-differently.org.uk/ or the National Autistic Society main site at http://www.nas.org.uk/
hi i have 2 sons 18 months and 2 and a half. my oldest thinks everything is his. every time the youngest picks something up he will snatch it out of his hands. when he does this i give him 1 chance to give it his back, if he dont i sit him on the sofa and tell him he must stay there till he can say sorry to his brother and share, when he does i let him play. if he takes things again i do the same again, normally after a couple of times he gets the message, and normally listens after the first warning. it takes a lot of patience but if you stick to your guns it will work. if he wants something his brother has got i normally say why dont you get another toy for your brother and ask him if he will swap. 9 times out of 10 the little one will swap, as he is normally happy as long as he has something to play with

i also try to play board games with them, as this way they have to play together, or i go on one side and ask the big one to help his brother and show him what to do. he normally likes this as it makes him feel like a big boy

hope this helps

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