Am i being unreasonable?

[breadstick]

My girlfriend has a male friend who she goes for coffee and shopping with a couple of times a week, he is single.


This irritates me and i really cant help it, its not that i think she would cheat with him but its more if people i know see them out together i get the "ooh i seen your gf with another man the other night having coffee" snide remarks,

i had female friends when i was single but since being in a relationship i have explained to them that it wouldnt be right to be out with them,

I really dont like this person my gf sees so there is no hope of talking it through with him, i cant pretend to like him.

am i being selfish?

[anneasquith]

yes .

[DTCwordfan]

sounds controlling to me......it is perfectly normal for her to have platonic male friends as you having female ones.

[maggiebee]

I think in the 21st century it's perfectly acceptable to have both male and female friends. I have a very good male friend who I meet up with a few times a year for a drink and a catch up. His wife drives him to meet me and we always have a laugh about one woman bringing him and another driving him home. Been friends for 20 years. If people tittle tattle that's their problem.

[joggerjayne]

Golly, breadstick ... I hope you had your tin hat ready for the barrage of posts telling you that you're unreasonable, selfish, insecure and overbearing.

However ... I know where you're coming from. All my regular friends are girls, and all my BF's regular friends are guys. If he was having coffee with a girl from work, during the day, that would be fine. But if he arranged to meet her to go shopping, I'd think it was a bit weird (unless he needed her to help him buy a really expensive present for me, LOL).

[joggerjayne]

Is there such a thing as being a "man's man" or a "girl's girl" ?

[WELSHYORKIE]

Breadstick - could it be possible that this 'bloke' is gay and they are best buddies. I know of one particular woman who is in a relationship whose best mate is gay. they do everything together - shop, coffee, nights at the pictures and her boyfriend has no hang ups about it at all. When peole mention that they've seen 'A' with another bloke he p1sses himself laughing and asks if they've got nothing better to do than gossipmonger.

[beso]

Why do you presume that ummm?

He doesn't trust her though he pretends he does. He will not be satisfied until she ends all friendships with other men. He is a controller and would be better off with a woman who accepts that she has no free will.

[NOX]

Very unreasonable, and if you don't not only stop whining about it but also try to put on a happy face about it she'll end up dumping you because no-one likes an unspoken criticism hanging in the air all the time and it erodes anything good.
Cheer up she's with you, she picked YOU, the people I feel sorry for are the girls who thought they were your friends before you weirdly dropped them because 'you're in a relationship' that's frankly just odd. I'm male btw.

[237SJ]

Wel I wouldn`t like it if my BF was out with some other woman twice a week. Having said that, a man that goes shopping twice a week? Maybe you don`t have anything to worry about there...

[breadstick]

right i was just asking for advice

tone done the "abuse" lol

[Purple_Popple]

I wouldnt be happy about this either, it is VERY rare that men and women can be just friends. Why not go with her when she meets this friend, regardless that you dont like him, try and get to know him no matter how much it makes you cringe...any friend of hers should also be a friend of yours as you are part of her life.

[NOX]

It is not VERY rare at all purple- maybe it is for you and your friends but certainly not for me and mine. I can count at least a dozen platonic female friends I have, two close ones that I would never dream of getting physically involved with. Likewise my ex has plenty of platonic male friends. My kids all have platonic friends of the opposite sex as does everyone else I know. Why do you think it's so rare?

[237SJ]

I`ve got platonic male friends too. Always have since the age of about 15. I still meet up with them even though they are now married. But twice a week? I can`t imagine their wives being happy about that.

[joeluke]

Breadstick.....stop being a doormat, grow a pair and tell her to stop meeting this guy for coffee

[boxtops]

Live with it, breadstick. I have male friends, OH has female friends. It's not unusual. Be more confident in your relationship - this is about how you think other people see you as a couple, if you are bothered about "people you know" making comments. So what? - it's your relationship, not theirs.

[Krausse]

You need to understand why she chooses to go shopping and coffee drinking with this other person. Would you be happy doing those things ?

[Purple_Popple]

It is rare, I say this because there will always be one part of the 'friendship couple' (be it the man or the woman) that wishes for something 'more' out of it, human nature, one part of this 'friendship' couple does not see it as a 'friendship' but just a basis in the hope things may change from a friendship. I have a lot of male friends, whom I see them as nothing more than friends, but their occasional comments 'if things were different' etc etc...and this applies to all my male friends, needless to say I keep them at arms length and dont get too paly with them.

[NOX]

So you think I'm likely to be the subject of some gorgeous 23 year olds fantasy then do you, with her desperately hoping l'll come on to her, instead of just sharing an interest in genealogy? Wish I'd known that earlier .lol.
Sorry I don't buy the one half of unrequited love thing, sometimes a friend is just a freind, and that's how it should be.

[ummmm]

Beso - I meant that people need to get to know each other before deciding if they want the same things or not.

Relationships involve compromise. Past relationships dictate how we feel, new relationships are a learning curve.