Bone Cancer And Organ Failure

[nailit]

As most on here know, my mum was diagnosed a year and half ago as having terminal bone cancer.
Told at the time that, in time, she would lose the use of her arms and legs etc. Thats happening now.
However, the past few weeks she has been experiencing other symptoms such as constant itching etc. It transpires (via blood tests) that her liver is packing in. GP rang my sister to relay the news a couple of days ago and said that it was common with terminal bone cancer patients.
She also has kidney failure.

I know that doctors arent psychics but from the above has anyone any idea of how long my mum has left?
Sorry to say but Dougie Mac have been less than useless re: home care and wishing to die at home

[LadyCG]

Has she got primary bone cancer or secondary bony disease from breast cancer?

If the latter then, generally speaking, median term from diagnosis of METASTATIC disease is two years. If there is extensive bony involvement and now disease in the viscera, realistically we are talking a few short weeks.

[calmck]

Sorry to hear this. Is there a local hospice that you could ask for help and advice on home versus hospice care. They might also offer home care assistance

[Rosie29]

I can't really add anything to what has already been said. But I am so very sorry dear Nailit and I am thinking of you x

[Smowball]

Sending you a huge hug xxx

[marval]

I am so sorry to hear about this Nailit, I can only offer my prayers and thoughts to you all.

You have nothing to feel guilty for, it is understandable that you do not want your mother to suffer any more. xx

[naomi24]

Nailit, //I'd never thought that I wished for someone to die, if only to relieve them.
I feel as guilty as hell for wishing this on my own mother.//

I haven’t read all the posts but if you didn’t feel like that you wouldn’t care. No reason to feel guilty about loving your mum. x

[Purist]

My dad was given "maybe 12 months" at the time of his last consultant visit in may 2019, at the time he was able to walk around, talk coherently and for the most part seemed okay. however he went downhill fast, the cancer was in his bladder, lungs, liver and was travelling freely, he complained of head pain, he stopped eating (we tried hard everyday just to get a forticip in him)he also stopped coming downstairs and stayed in bed and slept a lot. I think this is where we felt he was nearing the end, we had the bed moved downstairs, he had periods of wakefulness but slept most of the time, then he stopped having periods of wakefulness, stopped eating, drinking, medication was withdrawn (nurses orders) drip was fitted for the morphine, a few days later he died peacefully. This was August 2019 a mere 3 months from diagnosis.

[roopower]

Nailit, please don't feel any guilt. My mother didn't have cancer, so was spared the pain but she was nearly blind, nearly deaf, confined to bed and had dementia so no quality of life. She was on end of life care for three years and literally faded away. I couldn't get to her in time and she died with her favourite care home staff beside her. All I felt was relief. I too felt guilty for a while but mum was such a lively, caring lady that she wouldn't have wanted to end up as she did. Take care of yourself.

[anneasquith]

Does anyone actually stay with your mother 24/7 ? It maybe helpful if you ask them what care/ analgesia and care she is receiving .

[anneasquith]

* and physical help she receives .

[dannyk13]

Sorry to hear this Nailit, have you thought about contacting Macmillan Cancer Care?

[Peter Pedant]

doctors are told not to as the patients rel are upset if they are wrong.

The wrongest I was - was over colon and liver mets - lasted 36 months. oh and me: didnt go into remission after the induction dose of Chemo and you are looking at at least 50% dead in 6 months ( more like 6 w) and that was 48 m ago - even th professor said - well we know it occurs but no idea in whom and why

(!6 weeks)

[nailit]

Many thanks for ALL replies.
I actually dont understand all the details,
eg, //Has she got primary bone cancer or secondary bony disease from breast cancer?//
All I know is that she had breast cancer several years ago (about 7 years ago) from which she recovered and a year and a half ago was admitted to A&E with severe arm joint pain (previously broke her arm just flushing the toilet). After scans, bloods etc was told that she had terminal bone cancer.
She's lived her life as best she can during the past several months but is now dependant upon my sister for washing herself etc.
Mcmillan are in touch every couple of months or so but havnt really offered anything of substance.
After leaving hospital last year, a care package was put in place whereby careers would come out in the morning and evening.
However my mum goes to bed at 7pm and wakes at 4-5 am.
The careers were coming out at 10pm to help her to bed and coming out at 10am to get her up..
I know that beggars can't be chosers but not helping my mum in any way and often (depending on the carer) she didnt even get a wash or any breakfast.
She is losing the use of her arms and legs. Cannot wash herself or make herself meals, but McMillan ask if she going to the toilet???
Make a few notes and then go away for a couple of months.
End of life care is nothing more than paper filling!
Been through GP's, McMillan, everything.

[Peter Pedant]

the questions are not intended to upset you Nailz

it is pretty obvious that the primary was breast and it spread to bone and liver ( numbers game - primary bone cancer hardly figures on the clock)

I am sorry for the stress this has caused you

[nailit]

Got a yellow folder at home, its filled with nurses note such as...

Mary had a good day today, son and daughter visited.
Arrived to find daughter had already washed Mary
Mary in good spirits. Keeps taking meds
Mary had toast made by daughter
Son there when I arrived, Mary already fed
Mary a bit down in spirits but otherwise well and clean and washed

Utter bullshi!

[murraymints]

mailed u xx

[pixie374]

So sorry, nailit xx PP, that isn't true. A doctor will give an estimate if you ask... but of course, it is only an estimate.
Nailit, you may need to change the care providers... I don't know her finances, or whether she is able to receive help for it... but we have been in to people before 6am when required. I think care, painkillers, comfort are everything at this point. I totally understand you not wanting her to suffer unnecessarily. That's just human and normal x

[Barmaid]

Nailit, it sounds to me as if her care package needs amendment. Has she got a social worker? In my experience you have to really fight to get the right care which fits in with her needs rather than the needs of the service.

The care log (whilst offensive to you) just gives a short diary of what happened and the current position.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I've been there personally and I know it's a real chore actually getting to talk to the right person and then getting them to act appropriately.

Also, never feel guilty about wanting someone you love to be out of pain. This is a horrid situation and I really feel for you.

[nailit]

//A doctor will give an estimate if you ask.//
A year and a half ago I asked, Pix ,when I spent the day in A&E with her.
Was told a matter of months by a 'specialist'.
year and a half later??

Been down to see her today and its pitiful. A few moment of been lucid, and then nodding of again. Someone who's always taken pride in their apperance just sitting day after day in a dressing down.
No helpers (apart from family fitting in where they can, and when they can...which is most days), left in pain, and MacMillan just wanting to know if she had a *** that day?

[mallyh]

sending you hugs ,take care of yourself and never feel guilty ,i lost both parents to cancer and wanted both to go to end their pain xx