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Voltage

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To the person who hid my shoes while I was on the bouncy castle!... Grow up....
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someone has nicked the lid off our green wheelie bin as i found out earlier when i moved it for the dustmen has to have been done late last night it was there then...jeez some people!!
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Mixing cannabis with cod liver oil is.. Bad for your joints....
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What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot? One's a marsupial, the others a Geordie stuck in a lift....
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The guy who stole my diary has died. My thoughts are with his family....
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My ex-girlfriend just text me to say she’s made a Voodoo doll of me. I think she’s pulling my leg....
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I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB. That was a trip down memory lane....
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Our Brazilian housekeeper is rubbish at making the beds. She’s very tidy downstairs though....
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOGkmoijhYI&list=FL8Auf4wizYbpoYfvKIihvhQ&index=2...
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Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband.
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i was Having a massage down the local Chinese massage parlour Lady said “Any extras?” I said “No, get your own chewing gum.”...
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If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade.
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Punched the Doctor this morning! "Thats for saying my wife has a nice fanny!" The Doc screamed "You idiot, I told her she had acute angina!"...
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Driving past a field & saw a scarecrow trying to have a pee... I thought.. That scarecrow is clutching at straws......
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Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house. Did you hear that the Dalai Lama has a gambling addiction? He just loves Tibet. My gambling addiction cost me my...
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Shaving with a razor takes a lot of courage. I used to shave my privates with one.. But I don't have the balls to do that anymore....
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Morning all right when we move later this year and have settled in we are going to get a rescue dog mrs v had dogs when she was younger I have never owned a dog... now I'm retired it is a good time to...
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Tomorrow there is a national orgasm convention in town. are you coming?...
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My mother in law was stood in front of a mirror saying that she felt fat & ugly! The wife said "Please go pay her a compliment!" I said "Your eyesights good"...
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A Nigerian Prince has died & left his millions to a cat He tried to give away his fortune for years, but no one ever responded to his emails...

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